>> James: THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU.
STOP, STOP, HEY, YOU'RE TOO KIND.
WHAT?
NO.
STOP!
ALL RIGHT.
WOW!
YOU GUYS ARE TOO MUCH.
GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THIS, IT'S
THE "LATE, LATE SHOW."
WE HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT DAY.
WE'RE SO HAPPY THAT YOU ARE HERE HANGING OUT WITH ALL OF US FOR
THE NEXT HOUR.
SO ON TONIGHT'S SHOW WE'LL BE CHATTING WITH MILA KUNIS, A
PERFORMANCE FROM ROBIN THICKE.
YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS THAT.
BUT EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT.
THE BIG WEEKEND IS COMING UP.
EVERYONE READY FOR VALENTINE'S DAY?
>> YEAH.
LOVE IS IN THE AIR.
AND SO IS COVID SO PLEASE PLAN ACCORDINGLY.
CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH.
YES, VAL EBB TIENS, ON SUNDAY.
I THINK WE'RE JUST GOING TO STAY IN THIS YEAR.
>> Reggie: GOOD DECISION.
>> James: YEAH, IT'S JUST INSANE.
WE STAYED IN LAST YEAR AND NOW THIS YEAR WE DEEPLY REGRET THAT
DECISION.
ARE A ROMANCE, I THINK ARE YOU A ROMANTIC GUY, REG, ARE YOU
ROMANTIC.
>> Reggie: I AM ROMANTIC BUT I AM OF THE SAME PHILOSOPHY AS
SUSAN WHICH IS I THINK VAL ENTIE'S DAY IS EVERY DAY.
>> James: OH, I DON'T THINK SUS BE-- I THINK SUSAN THINKS
VALENTINE'S DAY IS A CROCK OF [BLEEP].
>> PRETTY MUCH.
>> James: THAT SAY DIFFERENT THING.
>> Reggie: I GUESS THAT IS DIFFERENT.
>> James: AM I RIGHT, SUSAN.
>> YOU ARE CORRECT.
>> Reggie: OKAY, TOO MUCH CHOCOLATE, TOO MUCH
CONSTIPATION, TO MUCH ANTICIPATION.
>> James: THAT TOOK A TURN, THAT REALLY CHUMPED.
>> James: >> Reggie: THAT IS MY BIGGEST
CONCERN WITH CHOCOLATE.
>> James: CONSTIPATION.
>> Reggie: YES.
>> James: THAT IS YOUR CONCERN WITH VALENTINES.
>> Reggie: YOU KNOW, YOU WANT TO BE FRESH AND NIMBLE BUT
CHOCOLATE WEIGHS YOU DOWN.
>> James: SURE.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, OKAY.
THIS STARTED WITH THE QUESTION ARE YOU A ROMANTIC GUY.
(LAUGHTER) AND IT ENDED IN YOU TALKING
ABOUT CONSTIPATION.
SO I THINK WE'VE ALL FOUND THE ANSWER.
>> YEAH.
>> James: KEITH, PETE NAY PLANS FOR VALENTINE.
>> HANGING WITH MY-EE.
>> James: OF COURSE YOU ARE, HANGING WITH MY HONEY.
HOW DOES HE SAY STUFF AND YOU JUST IMMEDIATELY ARE JEALOUS OF
THAT WOMAN.
WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE TO SPEND A VALENTINES IN THOSE ARMS.
>> WE'LL PUT ON A LITTLE BARRY WHITE, YOU KNOW.
>> James: WILL YOU PUT ON SOME BARRY WHITE, DO YOU REALLY.
>> WE DON'T MESS AROUND.
WE GO RIGHT IN.
>> James: OH, WOW.
YOU KNOW, I ONCE SAW A BARRY WHITE TRIBUTE ACT IN VEGAS.
NOT EVEN IN A SHOW.
THE YOU KNOW THE ONES THAT JUST ARE PLAYING IN THE BAR, AND HIS
NAME, I PROMISE YOU WAS BARRY WIDE.
HE CAME OUT.
HE DID YOU'RE MY FIRST, YOU'RE MY LAST, YOU'RE MY EVERYTHING.
THEN HE DID A BARRY WHITE SONG THAT NO ONE REALLY KNEW.
AND THEN HE DID YOU'RE MY FIRST, YOU'RE MY LAST, YOU'RE MY
EVERYTHING AGAIN.
AND WE WERE LIKE I DON'T THINK BARRY WHITE MEANT IT THAT
LITERALLY THAT YOU DO IT FIRST AND LAST.
>> BUT HE WAS PUTTING IT ON REAL, AND THEN HE WENT YOU MIGHT
REMEMBER THIS, AND SNROAT.
♪ LIKE THAT.
YEAH.
LET'S MOVE ON TO SOME HEADLINES.
THE HOUSE IMPEACHMENT TEAM WRAPPED UP THEIR PREKS TOYED.
AND TO BUILD THEIR CASE THEY DEMONSTRATED HOW TRUMP INFLAMED
TENSIONS OVER SEVERAL MONTHS, ESSENTIALLY THEY WERE USING
TRUMP'S OWN WORDS AGAINST HIM.
WHAT THEY ARE ARGUING IS THAT TRUMP, AND I PROMISE THIS IS THE
ONLY TIME YOU WILL HEAR ME SAY THIS, KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING.
THEY USED HIS OWN WORDS AGAINST HIM WHICH MAKES SENSE, AFTER
ALLK DON'T FORGET.
>> I'M VERY HIGHLY EDUCATED.
I KNOW WORDS.
I HAVE THE BEST WORDS.
>> James: I'M GLAD THAT THEY PUT ALL THE PIECES TOGETHER.
WHEN I WAS WATCHING, I DO FEEL BAD FOR THE SENATE AIDE WHO HAD
TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THE FOOTAGE OF TRUMP'S SPEECHES.
LIKE OH, HE'S DANCING TO THE YMCA.
DANCING.
HE'S DANCING.
OKAY, STOP IT THERE, IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO-- NO, STILL
DANCING.
LEAD MANAGER JAMIE RASKIN DIDN'T MINCE HIS WORDS AS HE WRAPPED UP
HIS OPENING STATEMENT TODAY.
HAVE A LOOK.
>> PRESIDENT TRUMP DECLARED HIS CONDUCT TOTALLY APPROPRIATE.
SO HE GETS BACK INTO OFFICE, AND IT HAPPENS AGAIN, WE'LL HAVE NO
ONE TO BLAME BUT OURSELVES.
>> James: YOU COULD JUST TELL HE WAS WAITING FOR ONE PERSON TO
BE LIKE-- .
I DO LIKE HIS VOICE THOUGH, JAMIE RASKIN'S VOICE, DON'T YOU?
I COULD TAKE THAT ON A PODCAST, NO QUESTION.
SOOTHING JAMIE RASKIN VOICE.
AS YOU DRIFT OFF TO SLEEP.
JUST REMEMBER, NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
UNLESS THIS DONALD J. TRUMP N WHICH CASE YOU KNEW EXACTLY WHAT
YOU WERE DOING THE WHOLE TIME.
>> James: THE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL IS SCHEDULED TO CONTINUE
THROUGH THE BOOK END WITH FOUR HOURS OF QUESTIONING ON SENATORS
TAKING PLACE ON VALENTINE'S DAY.
IT IS GOING TO BE WEIRD HEARING SENATORS ASKING QUESTIONS LIKE
ONE, DID THE PRESIDENT KNOWINGLY AND WILLINGLY INCITE A POLITICAL
INSURRECTION.
AND TWO, AM I CRAZY OR IS IT CHAMPAGNE:00.
THEY'RE PLANNING FOR FOUR HOURS OF QUESTIONING.
AND ON VALENTINE'S DAY, GOING FOR THAT LONG IS ACTUALLY KNOWN
AS HAND TANTRIC QUESTIONING.
THIS IS NICE, TO KEEP THINGS FESTIVE FOR VALENTINES THE
QUESTIONS IN THE SENATE WILL ACTUALLY BE ASKED LIKE THIS.
NOW TECHNICALLY, THAT HEART SHOULD READ WILL YOU CONVICT, AS
TRUMP HAS ALREADY BEEN IMPEACHED BUT I'M FROM BRITAN, HOW CAN I
EXPECT THE AMERICAN WRITERS ON THIS SHOW TO KNOW THIS.
AND NOW, HERE'S THE THING THOUGH.
IT HAS KM OUT THAT DEMOCRATS HAVE A BACKUP PLAN IN CASE TRUMP
ISN'T CONVICTED.
THERE IS TALK OF INVOKING THE 14th AMENDMENT WHICH ALLOWS
CONGRESS TO CENSURE INDIVIDUALS AND BAR THEM FROM HOLDING OFFICE
IF THEY HAVE QUOTE ENGAGED IN INSURRECTION.
NOW MAYBE JUST, I DON'T KNOW, I'M NOT A POLITICAL EXPERT.
MY SPECIALITY IS YOU KNOW, SINGING, DANCING, BIT OF THIS,
BIT OF THAT.
I'M NOT A, YOU KNOW, NOT A BELTWAY KIND OF GUY.
BUT MAYBE, MAYBE, THIS IS JUST MY OWN THOUGHTS, MAYBE YOU COULD
HAVE DONE THAT A MONTH AGO.
IN OTHER NEWS, A BRITISH MATH MATHEMATICIAN HAS MADE A RATHER
AMAZING DISCOVERY.
ACCORDING TO HIS CALCULATIONS, ALL OF THE COVID VIRUS
CIRCULATING AROUND THE WORLD RIGHT NOW COULD EASILY FIT
INSIDE A SINGLE SODA CAN.
>> Reggie: WOW.
>> James: THEY SAY DON'T WORRY, DR. PEPPER IS ALREADY
CLOSING IN ON A CURE.
REALLY SEEMS LIKE WE DON'T NEED TO BE HEARING FROM RESEARCHERS
ABOUT CORONAVIRUS RIGHT NOW, UNLESS THEY'RE STOPPING THE
VIRUS.
IN FACT, EVERYONE, COME QUICK, I HAVE AN IMPORTANT UPDATE ABOUT
COVID-19.
LIKE WHAT, OH MY GOD, WILL IT STOP THE VIRUS.
NO, BUT FUN LITTLE PIECE OF TRIVIA.
ALL THE COVID CAUSING VIRUS IN THE WORLD COULD FIT INSIDE A
SODA CAN.
AND THAT WOULD STILL BE HEALTHIER THAN A MOUNTAIN DEW
CODE RED.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A MOUNTAIN DEW CODE RED?
>> Reggie: NO.
>> James: I HAVE NEVER HAD A CODE RED, MONEY TAIN DEW CODE
RD. >> Reggie: I'M AFRAID.
>> James: I'M AFRAID OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN.
>> Reggie: WE SHOULD GET ONE BY THE END OF THE SHOW.
>> James: WHAT WILL HAPPEN.
>> Reggie: GIVE MAY ONE BY THE END OF THE SHOW, I WILL DRINK
IT.
>> James: I DON'T WANT YOU TO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO TRING SUCH A
THING.
>> Reggie: I THOUGHT THIS WAS TV, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO STUFF
THAT IS CONTROVERSIAL.
>> James: I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THAT IS WILL MAKE-- THE MOUNTAIN
DEW, WHY ARE WE ALLOWED TO DO THAT JOKE AND SOME WILL NOT.
>> BECAUSE MOUNTAIN DEW DID NOT BUY ANY ADVERTISING IN OUR SHOW
THIS EVENING.
>> Reggie: OH.
>> James: THEY WILL REGRET THAT.
>> LESSON LEARNED.
>> James: THEY'LL REGRET THAT TOMORROW, SUSAN.
THEY'LL BE KICKING THEMSELVES THAT WILL BE A CODE RED.
-- SHARE PRICE PLUMMETS.
WHAT HAPPENED.
THEY DID A JOKE ON THE "LATE, LATE SHOW," WHAT?
YEAH, YEAH, IT AIRED AT 12:58 AND OUR STOCK PRICE HAD JUST
GONE BANG AND THEY ARE LIKE GET ON TO SOME GUYS AT REDDIT, WE
HAVE TO PUMP THIS BACK UP.
WE CAN'T, BOSS, THEY WON'T DON'T T HOW COULD WE HAVE NOT DONE
THIS, WE SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT ADS.
>> [BLEEP] THEMSELVES [BLEEP] THEMSELVES.
>> MINTY FRESH TODAY, MARK, NOT GONE UNNOTICED.
I LIKE IT.
>> NICE ONE, MATE.
>> James: ARE YOU LIKE A SWEAKING SPEER MINT.
>> THANK YOU.
>> James: SPEER MINT RHINO, I CALL YOU.
PETE, WHOA, HOUGH!
BEAT, YOU JUST REACTED LIKE THIS SAY DEF JAM COMEDY NIGHT, WHOA!
AND DID EVERYBODY SEE THIS?
LAS VEGAS WILL SOON BE GETTING A NEW NO GAMBLING HOTEL, INED STED
OF CASINO, AND NIGHTCLUB, GUESTS CAN ENJOY A SPAR AS WELL AS A
FITNESS AN WELLNESS CENTER.
YEAH.
YEAH, BE NICE THAT IN VEGAS.
LUCKILY YOU CAN STILL SMOKE EVERYWHERE.
I CAN'T SEE YOU IN VEGAS, REG.
>> YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN THERE.
YOU KNOW, I HAD MY FIRST LAP DANCE THERE.
>> OKAY.
>> YEAH.
>> OKAY, OKAY.
>> IT WAS ON TOUR WITH MY BAND AND OUR TOUR MANAGER WAS SO
EXCITED TO SHOW US ALL THE SECRETS OF LAS VEGAS.
AND TOOK US TO A CLUB.
I THINK SLASH WAS THERE AND THERE WAS A WOMAN I THOUGHT WAS
KIND OF CUTE ON STAGE, MADE EYE CONTACT WITH ME.
I THOUGHT I WAS SPECIAL.
(LAUGHTER) TO YOU KNOW, SHE, AND THEN SHE
KIND OF, AFTER SHE WAS DONE SHE APPEARED VERY SHORTLY AFTER NEXT
TO ME.
OH WOW, SHE LIKES ME.
AND THEN MY FRIENDS ARE LIKE WE'LL PAY FOR A LAP DANCE, GO
FOR T WE'LL PAY FOR IT, GO FOR IT.
I OKAY, COOL, I JUST PRETENDED LIKE SHE WAS MY GIRLFRIEND.
AND IT WAS PRETTY ENJOYABLE.
>> James: OKAY.
>> BUT OTHER THAN THAT, NO, VEGAS ISN'T REALLY MY THING.
ALTHOUGH I AM DIEING TO SEE PENN AND TELLER THERE, I AM GOING TO
SEE THEM.
>> James: WHIH ONE DOESN'T TALK.
>> TELLER.
HE DOES TALK BUT HE DOESN'T.
>> James: OH, HE CAN TALK.
>> Reggie: HE CAN, ONLINE, HIM GIVING SEMINARS ON MAGIC, IT IS
PRETTY AMAZING TO HEAR HIM TALK.
>> James: OH, I'M DISAPPOINTED IN THAT.
>> Reggie: I KNOW, I KNOW.
>> James: I ALWAYS WANTED HIM TO BE-- .
>> Reggie: WANTED HIM TO BE MUTE.
>> James: YES, A MAGIC MUTE.
HEY, THAT'S A SHOW THAT WOULD WORK IN VEGAS.
MAGIC MUTE, IT'S STRIPPERS BUT THEY DANCE TO NO MUSIC.
YOU GOT TO IMAGINE THE MUSIC.
(LAUGHTER) AND WE WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT
THIS, STUDY THAT WE FOUND.
ACCORDING TO NEW RESEARCH SHALL SCIENTISTS CLAIM THAT WHEN
YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION, YOU ONLY HAVE THREE
MINUTES.
WHICH MEANS BY THIS POINT IN THE SHOW WE'VE ALREADY BLOWN IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE TO DO IN THAT THREE MINUTES, SET THE BAR
LOW IN THE IN THE FIRST MINUTE, REALLY PUT THEM OFF IN THE
SECOND AND THEN JUST BLAST THEM WITH CHARM IN THE THIRD.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, TURN IT AROUND.
>> YEP.
>> CHARMY.
COME ON.
>> PEOPLE WILL ONLY GIVE YOU THREE MINUTES TO MAKE A GOOD
IMPRESSION.
ALTHOUGH WE SHOULD SAY THAT TIME CUTTING DOWN TO A MINUTE AND A
HALF IF YOU HAVE A A.
>> MOVING ON DID YOU SEE LOUIS VUITTON IS NOW SELLING AN $8,000
SWEATER THAT FEATURES PUPPETS.
I'M NOT KIDDING, HERE IT IS HERE.
LOOK AT THAT.
EVEN THE PUPPETS LOOK EMBARRASSED.
I LOVE THAT THE GUY, I LOVE THAT THE MODELS HAVE A TOUGH GUY
EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, ME AND THESE PUPPETS WILL KICK YOUR ASS.
THIS BUCKET HAT WILL DO SOME DAMAGE TOO.
>> IT COSTS $8,000.
IF YOU ARE PAYING $8,000 FOR THIS THING, THE ONLY REAL PUPPET
IS YOU.
THINK ABOUT IT.
YEAH.
THANKS, GUYS.
IT TOOK A LOT FOR ME TO SAY THAT, I REALLY WENT OUT ON A
LIMB AND I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.
>> AND FINALLY WE HAVE A NEW STORY HERE THAT CVS-- THAT CBS
EVENING NEWS HAS SAID PUBLICLY THEY'RE TOO AFRAID TO COVER.
"60 MINUTES" RUNNING SCARED.
THEY WILL NOT TALK ABOUT THIS STORY.
BUT WE HERE AT THE LATHE LATHE SHOW, WE BELIEVE IN SHINING A
LIGHT ON THE TRUTH NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES.
WE MADE A DEAL WITH YOU, THE VIEWER, TO BRING YOU THE TRUTH
HOWEVER DIFFICULT IT IS TO TALK ABOUT.
AND THIS STORY, THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE YOU WILL FIND IT.
A DAD IN THE UNITED KINGDOM RECENTLY DROVE THROUGH A FAST
FOOD RESTAURANT AND ORDERED SOME CHICKEN STRIPS AND ONE OF THEM
LOOKED LIKE THIS.
(LAUGHTER) YOU CAN SEE IT?
(LAUGHTER) CAN EVERYONE SEE IT?
MAKING SURE EVERYONE CAN SEE IT.
AS FAR AS CHICKEN GOES, IT LOOKS LIKE THE COLONEL LOST ONE OF HIS
PRIVATES.
THANK YOU.
YOU CAN ACTUALLY GET THIS MEAL IN THREE DIFFERENT STYLES.
REGULAR SIZE, SUPERSIZE AND CIRCUMCISED.
PETE, YOU WANT TO GET IN ON THIS, YOU GOT ANY CHICKEN FOR
US, YOU WANT TO THROW SOME CHICKEN IN THE WOK.
>> LOOKS LIKE CHICKEN NUTS A LITTLE.
>> JOE, ANYTHING TO TELL US ABOUT THE CHICKEN.
>> YOU CAN GET IT PLAIN BUT I PREFER MY CHICKEN JERKED.
>> YEAH.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> MARK, WHAT BUT, DO YOU HAVE
ANYTHING ON THE CHICKEN FOR US?
>> I'VE GOT NOTHING TO SAY.
I LIKE MY CHICKEN BONELESS.
>> James: OH, THERE IT IS.
THERE IT IS.