- Scooby Doo euthanized.
(all laugh)
- We've been hacked again.
And our Google search histories this time
have been released to the public.
That's right.
Instead of you having you read it on Twitter
or Reddit, we're gonna read them out loud here.
Also, Trevor from Mythical is here.
The hack affected him only.
(crew laughs)
- This seemed like the best place to come clean.
- Our lives will be ruined and changed forever.
Amanda, would you like to go first?
- I'm sorry ahead of time.
Yes. I would like to go first.
(Jackie laughs)
Best Disneyland diarrhea bathroom.
This is true.
Sometimes you really have to go and the food hits you hard.
- Was it near Splash Mountain?
(crew laughs)
- This was between me and Google.
And I didn't want anyone to see this.
Lumpy boy PDF.
(all laugh)
You're all aware of lumpy boy,
but I wanted like a permanent version.
I wanted to print it out.
- No, I'd love to know.
- I wanted the story of it's lumpy boy.
It's lumpy boy.
I don't know how to go into it further.
It's lumpy boy.
Trevor knows who lumpy boy is.
- No, I don't. - No, he doesn't.
- I promise
(all laugh)
(Jackie groans)
- Jackie Uweh net worth.
(all laugh)
I just wanted to see
if people could see what I could see.
Ian Hecox net worth.
I just wanted to see if based on what I saw before
how much he could potentially give me.
- Oh yeah.
- Yeah. - It's gonna be tough.
- How to seduce YouTube personality Ian Hecox.
- I'd love to know what it said.
- It was kind of freaky.
- Drive a car that's nice.
- [Jackie] Yeah.
- Say something super depressing.
- Yeah. It was like rent a two door Lambo,
bright red and put Anthony Padilla in the back.
It was weird.
I don't know, it was strange.
I don't know. - Makes sense.
- I spent a lot of time on the internet
and I don't know what I've deleted.
What I've left up there.
- You're lucky it's Google search
and not be Rune Scape message boards.
- Soft soft toilet paper.
- Yeah. - Pretty straightforward.
I've got a sensitive bum.
- You need a bidet, man.
- I have hemorrhoids and I'm not ashamed to say it.
- Oh my God.
- It's a thing that a lot of people struggle with.
It's not weird.
Okay. And I need soft, soft toilet paper.
(Jackie laughs)
- Gorgeous turtle shells.
Here's the thing.
When I go on a trip,
I wanna make sure I am covered in gorgeous turtle shells.
I wanna make sure that I enter an island
feeling like I'm a part of it.
And so I'm looking for earrings, necklaces, bracelets.
And I don't think it's a crime.
- Are you scalping turtles?
- No.
They're sold. They're already dead.
(all laugh)
- Ooh, honey.
- Mishigan.
(Jackie laughs)
- [Garret] How's it spelled?
- [Amanda] Poor baby.
- It's spelled the correct way.
When you have a name that starts with S H,
you use that when you're spelling other words,
that's the rule.
- Who were you looking for in Michigan?
- Yeah.
- Well, um....
Water?
We're in a drought.
And I was like, Michigan's got a lot of it.
Send some our way.
- What is the movie "We Bought a Zoo" about?
- It's hard to know. - Really hard to know.
- I didn't feel like watching it.
I kind of wanted to know that the cliff notes.
So it's normal.
I was curious.
- That's Matt Damon, right? - Yeah.
- I don't know, I didn't see it.
- Amanda knows a lot about zoos and zoo keepers.
- Yeah. - Did you see the film?
- Yeah. If they get their hands in the cage,
they're gonna get mauled.
(all laugh)
- Okay. Bidet that make me blast off.
Luckily after this I found one
and it's attached to my toilet now.
Didn't make me blast off though.
I've remained on the toilet.
I guess it wasn't that strong.
Any suggestions?
- No. - Nah.
- You guys are lying.
- I've never actually used one.
- You haven't? - [Amanda] Shayne!
- You're dirty.
- I know, bidet people say
they're always like-
- You got a dirty (beep)
- Yeah. You need to clean that
'cause there are just bits
that are just gonna remain there forever.
Not for me.
- Sexy boob dance.
(all laugh)
- I knew it.
- I've definitely not Googled that for real.
(all laugh)
- Toxic by Brit Spears
but the word toxic is replaced with the word Jewish.
- Huh?
- Well you guys know that Josh and Nicole
two of my close coworkers are Jewish
and I wanted to do something fun for them, for Hanukah.
And so I was gonna do like a cover little thing for them.
- So every day you'd play a different song
that has Jewish...
- Well, no, I wanted to learn it,
but because they like Brittney Spears and Toxic.
- How did it go?
- It was good.
They didn't, I don't know if they got it.
(Shayne laughs)
- Scooby Doo euthanized.
I had to know where he's...
If he passed away.
I'm pretty sure that someone...
- Euthanized him?
- Yeah. And I just wanted to see
and if there were any photos...
(all laugh)
- Wanted to see photos?
- (laughing) Oh honey.
- Is John Legend really blind?
(all laugh)
Not gonna look over.
I'm gonna stay looking this way.
I just wanted to know.
(all laugh)
Is he really blind? Is he really blind?
- Oh god...
- How to un-see Shayne's pasty little ass.
- I don't know how this came about.
- You've seen it?
- Yeah. - What's it like?
- Pasty. - Oh.
- Oh! - Wow!
- No, this normal.
Rainforest cafe but instead of rainforest it's hentai.
- Did Ian write this one?
- You all know hentai, right?
- No. - Ugh.
- No.
Oh wait! Yeah, I do now.
- Yeah. - I know what it is now.
- Think about rainforest cafe, super fun experience.
You know, you go and there's like the rainforest
but I imagine you do that and it's just all hentai.
- That'd be awesome.
- They should make it.
It should be a thing.
- Suitable for kids. - I would throw up.
- No, it's like fun.
- Just a cafe for discord mods.
(all laugh)
- Okay this is very true and I do Google this a lot.
Kids falling.
Hear me out.
It's super funny.
It's terrible but it's super funny
because these parents set them up in these scenarios
where they think it's gonna be fine.
And then they flip out.
- Is they're like a threshold
for how much a kid is allowed to get hurt
before you find it messed up?
- Well, they can't get hurt.
- I can't watch skateboarding stuff.
- Yeah. I don't wanna watch someone get hurt
but someone getting hit in the face with a Dodge ball,
for instance. - Yeah.
- Always funny. - They have to be like
four years or younger. Like I like to watch the babies.
(all laugh)
- They have to be a baby.
Cool pube designs.
- This makes sense.
- Yeah, yeah - Yeah.
- [Shayne] I mean....
- Which one did you go with?
- Yeah. What you land on?
- It's like a zebra.
- Ew! - Ew...
- You asked! - [Amanda] Sexy.
- Yuck.
- And I came up with a pattern that I know of.
- Wait, is it like in the shape of a zebra
or is it a stripe?
- No, it's like the zebra stripes.
- Oh, okay.
Gorgeous turtle shells.
- Honey, we need to go on a cruise together.
- We do.
I love gorgeous turtle shells.
I was so excited, you know, to see that you like them too.
It's normal.
- And they're gorgeous
- And we're not killing the turtles.
They're already dead. - They're already dead.
- [Trevor] They're already dead.
- And you can wear them.
- [Trevor] Yeah. All over. - All over.
Yeah. Where do you wear yours?
- Just around, you know, kind of like a belly,
wrap around my- - I love a belly necklace.
- I thought you were gonna say like an Adam and Eve thing
but you just have a turtle shell there.
- What?
- You walk around like that.
- That's fun!
(Jackie laughs)
- That's a great idea.
- [Shayne] My turtle jock strap.
- That's so fun.
- We should do it.
- Photo of pizza and hotdog shaking hands
like they're friends.
I think that would be really cute
to have that picture framed in my house.
- [Garret] Did you find the photo?
- Yeah, but they all were kind of graphic.
- Okay. So my friend gets super chilly
after he pees, like piss piss
then immediately brr brr brr for like 20 minutes.
My friend has to put on a coat
and his teeth chatter like a little tooth toy.
What do my friend do?
My friend, not me.
I was worried for my friend.
(all laugh)
- Your friend should go to the hospital.
- Yeah. - Like how soon?
- Like now you. - Probably now.
- Your friend should go to the hospital.
- Yeah. Hopefully your friend has insurance
- Cookpy.
(all laugh)
- What were you going for? - Yeah.
I wanted to boil my piss.
- Wow.
- You spelled pee wrong.
- Oh my God.
You guys got mad at me for Michigan?
(all laugh)
I thought you were trying to say cookie.
- How to spell Lou easy Anna.
- Y'all need to gimme a break on this.
- It's like a normal question.
- Totally.
Zookeeper are getting absolutely demolished.
- I'm noticing a trend.
- I like to see people in rough situations
because here's the thing,
I truly believe that we can't control nature or animals.
So I wanna see a zookeeper.
Just get ripped to shreds.
- Wow. - Did you find any videos?
- Oh yeah.
I found a lot of videos that I spent a couple hours
going through them.
- You're kind of violent.
- I'm not violent.
Google did it.
- Cool bugs near me.
(all laugh)
- No, I get that. - That's cool.
- I think that's a respectable one.
- Totally.
- I don't think that's embarrassing at all.
I think people will respect me
for wanting to know what cool bugs are around.
Like, you know, like June bugs, maybe some lady bugs.
- What did you find?
- No, I just found some chill bugs that want to hang out.
Just chill. Platonic.
- Dope.
Why'd you add that in there?
- I just feel like I should, it was platonic.
It was fully-
- Shane trying (beep) a bug?
- I'm not trying to (beep) bugs!
- Is my cat prettier than me?
- What did it say?
- Yes. (laughing)
- I love that it knows.
- That's all it said was yes.
- Passion of the Christ funniest moments.
(all laugh)
- What came up?
- Yeah. What did come up?
- What moments were really funny from that movie?
- A lot of like behind the scenes, Mel Gibson.
That was mostly it.
- What a great guy.
- Plus like the whole crucifixion scene.
- Yeah. He's a Amanda's type as we figured out.
(all laugh)
- Vaccine booster superpower real.
(Amanda laughs)
I got Moderna and then I got Pfizer
and I thought maybe the combo would give me powers.
- What powers?
- I just thought maybe like I could withstand
a little bit more like electricity.
- Oh my God.
- How to show a-list actors that I am a good time.
- [Amanda] Okay. - Man.
- This feels like it was a rush type.
- Yeah. You missed the flip the O and W there.
- I recently got on Riot
and I haven't been getting many hits.
- What did it say? I'd love to know.
- It said a little more titty.
A little more titty.
- (beep) meme formats.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Yeah. You would know.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Oh, beef. - Ooh. Another banger.
- All right.
Shane hates my memes apparently.
The funny part about them is that they're (beep)
That's why you use the (beep) formats.
It's ironic.
- That's sounds like something you'd say now.
- No, you just wouldn't get it.
You're like 40 years old.
- Oh, bang!
- Damn.
(all laugh)
- Okay. I have been dying to know this answer.
People keep referencing it
and I have literally no idea who it is.
Which president said, "I have a dream speech"
(all laugh)
Who did that?
Like people literally keep referencing it.
I don't understand who that guy was!
- Jackie, what are your thoughts on this?
- [Amanda] Jackie? - Why are you asking me?
Shayne, probably knows Trevor.
- Trevor's like, let me take that target.
(all laugh)
- Who is it, Trevor? - [Amanda] Who is it?
- A great American hero, Martin Luther King Jr.
And he was not a president.
He was just a great man.
Have I backpedaled enough? - Who is that?
(all laugh)
- Fart versus phart.
And I didn't get the answer
I was the looking for, what is the difference?
- PH is sexier.
I Googled that too.
- So it's like a sexy fart?
- Yeah. Which can happen a lot.
I do them a lot.
- What's that song that's like oh say can you (laughing)
What's that song that's like "Oh say can you see,
by the dawn's early light
what so proudly we hail at the twilight's last gleaming.
Whose brought stripes and bright stars
were so gallantly streaming
and the rockets red glare,
the bombs bursting in air,
gave proof to the night that our flag was still there.
Oh say does that star spangle banner yet wave
o'er the land of the free and the home of the" something...
- You're so close.
- I know!
But like, what is it?
- What are ingredients for peanut butter jelly.
- Man.
You're a chef. - I need to know.
Well, so this isn't, 'cause you're probably thinking
oh peanut butter and jelly, but this is peanut butter jelly.
- You didn't have a good childhood...
- Well, this sucked for us.
- [Trevor] Yeah. - Mostly Trevor.
- Why?
- Really bad look for him.
- [Trevor] What? - Wow.
- Really sorry, man.
Just, probably the end for you.
- [Jackie] Canceled.
- Your career. - [Jackie] You're done.
- Everything. - We had a good run.
- Well, hopefully this doesn't happen again,
but if it does let us know who you'd like to see here
reading out loud their embarrassing secrets.
And until next time we'll see you later.
Don't judge us too hard.
Goodbye.
- Goodbye. - Goodbye.
- I mean John Legend has to be blind-
- Stop! (all laugh)
- [Amanda] Still don't know.
- Oh, wait...
(all laugh)
I was going for that fun transition thing.
Are we not moving?