Are you in a relationship with a narcissist and think that maybe you're in the discard
phase?
If you think that you are discarding a narcissist or they're discarding you, then you're definitely
going to want to watch this video.
In this video, I'm going to talk all about the discard phase, what it means, what it
means for you and how to protect yourself.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the bestselling author of the books, Negotiate
Like You Matter and Breaking Free A Step By Step Divorce Guide.
And I've helped thousands of people just like you, who are dealing with narcissists, who's
dealing with the drama, the trauma, the chaos.
I have helped them bridge that gap and grow and step into lives of freedom, possibility,
and purpose.
And that's what I do with you right here on these videos, right here on this channel.
So you're not going to want to miss one single bit of content.
And the only way that you can make sure that you don't, just hit that subscribe button
and hit that notification bell.
And that way you'll get notified every time I upload a brand new video.
So, this is part three of a three part series on the relationship with a narcissist and
the phases of a relationship with a narcissist.
So the three phases of a relationship with a narcissist are the love bombing phase.
And you're going to want to go check out that video.
And then the devalue phase.
Today, we're going to be talking about the discard phase.
And the discard phase is where you're kind of ending this relationship with a narcissist
and it could be that you're ending it or they're ending it.
So, just remember that the three phases of a narcissistic relationship don't happen in
linear format.
And it's not a timeline.
It's not like, "Okay, now we're in the love bomb phase.
Oh, done.
Now we're in the discard phase, oops."
Or, "Now we're in the devalue phase.
Oops done.
Now we're in the discard phase."
They kind of are all happening at the same time.
And you can be being discarded while you're being devalued and love bombed while you're
being devalued and on and on like that.
And so it's really important to understand that, yes, they basically happen in linear
fashion.
You always start with the love bomb.
You always end with the discard, but in between there, they're kind of all mixed together.
And it's kind of a Venn diagram that overlaps with each other.
So they start off with the love bombing, this overwhelming, I'm perfect for you and whatever
they need to do to get you into their layer of control.
It's all about control because narcissists inside have no sense of inner value.
They have to derive all of their value from the external.
And as I've said, in many of my videos, they're like the hollow chocolate, Easter bunny.
They have no sense of internal value.
They have no empathy, no care for other people.
They really just have one thing that they want all the time.
And that is narcissistic supply.
And they need an endless amount of supply.
You're basically feeding a beast, feeding a black hole.
It never ends, never ends, never ends.
And where do they get that supply?
They get that supply from the people around them.
They literally are sucking supply from people.
And that's why sometimes they're called energy vampires.
Or sometimes they're called parasites or leeches because they literally leave their supply
source feeling completely drained.
They're draining the life out of you.
They're like vampires that are sucking blood from you, sucking the life force out of you.
And how do they do that?
Through this narcissistic supply.
They need an endless amount of supply.
So the whole reason they love bomb you in the first place, the whole reason you were
even targeted in the first place is for their oxygen source, which is really that supply.
So they've loved bombed you.
They've devalued you all to get control over it.
It's all about getting that control over you.
And now you're into the discard phase.
And the discard phase can be you deciding you don't want to be with this person anymore.
Or it may be that they don't want to have a relationship with you anymore, but regardless
of how it takes place, it's going to be your fault.
And they have to make it look like your fault because they want to look good to the rest
of the world.
And when you're dealing with a narcissist, the one thing you've got to remember is that
you're either for them or you're against them.
You're either in their world and providing adulation and supply and value to them.
Or, if you no longer have value to them, then you no longer have value, period.
In fact, you become a liability.
And so now you're the enemy.
You become public enemy number one.
And so they're going to go after you with all guns blazing to make sure that the world
knows that it was your fault, your problem, you're the one that's bad.
And sometimes they can be setting up this discard phase even before the actual end of
your relationship.
So, it's in the discard phase that you start to see the birth of the smear campaign.
So it might look like is that they might three months or six months before a divorce is filed,
start to slip little things into friends or neighbors like, "Oh, I'm so worried about
her.
I'm so worried about him.
They're just drinking so much more than they used to.
I'm really concerned."
And they'll couch it like that so that when the divorce is actually filed or the breakup
actually takes place, they can go back and go, "Well, I told you that this was happening."
So it's very, very insidious.
It's very toxic and very stealth, very under the radar.
They're super good at being master manipulators.
So, the smear campaign can start even before you even realize that there's an impending
end to the relationship.
So what happens at the end of a relationship sometimes is what we call hoovering, which
is where they kind of come back and start to love bomb you again.
And it's during the discard phase, because even if you wanted to end the relationship
or they did or whatever, they may come back and love bomb you again, because they either
want to get control back over you just so that they can get the settlement that they
want in your case, or maybe they just want to get you away from their lawyer or maybe
they just really can't stand the fact that you're moving on.
Even if they wanted to discard you, maybe they get upset because you're moving on so
fast or that you're with somebody else now already.
So then they come running back to try to love bomb you again to get you back under their
layer of control.
It's very insidious and sick.
They've already messed with your brain.
So you've already probably got some kind of trauma bonding going on.
Meaning, what happens is, is if they love bomb, devalue, love bomb, devalue, love bomb,
devalue, love bomb, discard, love bomb, discard, your brain actually releases dopamine levels
that cause you to anticipate that you might get this love bomb.
So, it's not the actual love bombing.
It's the anticipation that you might get it.
And so your brain actually becomes addicted to this person and love bombing and devaluing
and discarding is how they cause you to become actually addicted to being with you and wanting
to believe everything they say, when they give you empty promises, that things are going
to be different or that they're going to change in some way or whatever it is.
So you have to be really, really aware of that and really careful of that.
And the only way that you can really protect yourself going forward is to just completely
go no contact.
And sometimes it's not possible because you have children together or whatever.
But if you do have children and maybe the person is a member of your family, then you
just have to have the strongest, most steel boundaries that you possibly can so that you
can protect yourself from this toxicity.
The one thing you need to remember, and it's hard to remember and sometimes very hard to
accept, is that this person is not going to change.
They cannot be rehabilitated.
It's like if a limb was cut off and you can't put a new one on there.
I mean, it's not going to grow.
I mean, you could get a fake one or whatever, but there's not going to be a new one that
grows.
And it's just the same thing.
They can't grow empathy.
They can't grow care.
They can fake it.
I mean, they certainly know how they're supposed to behave, but it doesn't mean they actually
feel it.
There's just something broken inside of their brains that doesn't allow them to feel it.
So, it's better for you if you just understand this in this discard phase and move on.
And if you are so ready to be finally done with that narcissist in your life, give me
an "I'm ready" in the comments.
And if you're getting ready to negotiate with the narcissist, make sure to grab my free
Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet.
It's at the link below, or you can just go to winmynegotiation.com and get it.
And if you want to connect up with lots of other people who are dealing with exactly
what you're dealing with and get help from them and support from them, come on over and
join us in my free private Facebook group.
It's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung.
And I'm so glad that you stopped by here today.
If you liked this video, give it a like, give it a share, drop me a comment, hit subscribe,
hit that notification bell so that we can have you here as part of our community.
And remember that today's a great day to negotiate your best life.
I'll see you in the next video.