Desteni Interdimensional Interview: Regret - AA
This is AA, and I'm here to share my experience, within regret
and I found, an interesting point
a point that, has been
'prominent', throughout my existence
and that is
accepting, and allowing myself to
to fear, dieing!
(smile)
to fear, 'not existing'
and, because of that fear
I did 'not' accept, and allow myself to
to 'speak', to 'act' to 'stand up' and do everything, and anything possible and
Risk! everything, of myself, everything and all, that I perceived to be important, or valuable
and 'speak out', and express, and act and do anything, and everything 'possible'
to stop! direct! sort out
What I, in common sense, 'saw' was unacceptable
and, I saw through out my existence, as I went through everything that I had experienced
that I had, so many opportunities! to make a difference, meaning to
to 'stop' something or someone, from what they were, 'existing as'
and continue- and continuing that I
'Knew' was compromising! themselves compromising other beings
but I didn't, because of fear
because of
fear of losing, my own self definition - according to something, or someone
and, as I went through my entire existence, with my experience within it, I could see
How, me 'not' standing up, how me, 'not' Speaking how me 'not acting'
played, a very significant role, within where and how we are, 'at this very moment'
and that point right there, was also part of 'why' I
'Wanted to end everything'
wanted to, 'stopped' everything wanted to 'just get out of here'
because I, couldn't live with myself I couldn't "bear"
existing, within what I knew, I did, 'and I did nothing about it'
I just continue doing the 'exact same thing', for eons of time
and I 'was aware' in those moments, 'I knew I was aware'
but yet I so easily and so simply, 'just shut the door', in that moment and
accepted and allowed 'ignorance'
But I realized! that, I'm Here
there is no way to, 'destroy' (smile) this existence, I've ~ tried (laugh)
I've done
and attempted, 'any and all methods possible'
while within my experience of regret
and shame, and sorrow and sadness
but what I also found fascinating is that
we have a tendency of wanting to give up 'so quickly', so fast, that
We don't consider, that maybe possibly facing, this that I'm experiencing inside myself
'is the key'
that would, liberate me from, 'my past'
because in essence regret, can only exist
in judgments, of the past, in judgment of yourself of the past
and judgment, is when you 'observe you' within your past, from a point of 'opinion'
instead of 'insight', realization, and common sense in self-honesty
what I realized I have done is, constantly and continuously, existed in regret
and and- and shame, and sorrow and judgment! and sadness because of my past
because of, 'what I have accepted and allowed'
and, I've asked myself the question: But why!?
Why? have I always, 'carry my past', as a burden on my back through out 'eons of time'
and I realized that I have started 'defining myself' according to my experience
that, I believe that, what I am experiencing inside me 'is me'! and
that's as far as it goes!
that point of, 'me actually being able to Forgive myself'
me! actually being able to 'change myself', didn't exist!
and in that! I realize that
because that point didn't exist, that point of, realization of: You know what!
I can forgive myself
and in that self-forgiveness, let it go, actually stand up and change me
that because that point didn't exist, I didn't exist 'Here'
that I have, never, actually 'allow myself', to experience me 'Here', to 'live Here'
I have, 'grounded myself', in, what I have done 'in the past'
'there'
and in that, never realized - 'Here'
from my own experience
give yourself the opportunity, to forgive yourself, and let go of the past
and real-lize you 'Here'
no matter 'how bad', your past may seem
self-forgiveness, you are, able to do
forgive yourself, unconditionally, let your past go inside yourself
transform and change you 'Here', in 'practical' self-action, in self-honesty
and 'realize' the gift, of regret
Thank you.
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