Ali, it's good to see you.
I'm a huge fan.
You know that.
You're so super talented.
Huge-- the stand up specials were a huge success.
Now you've written, and produced,
and star in a movie on Netflix.
Fantastic.
Oh, thank you.
You've got a lot going on.
It's too much.
Yeah.
I don't know why I did this to myself.
Yeah.
It's great.
Well, you're not doing the stand up specials anymore.
So you're just focusing-- are you still touring?
I'm touring.
And I tour with my kids.
Oh, wait, so--
That's the crazy part.
So the last two specials you did,
you were pregnant-- in both, or just the one?
I was pregnant on both.
I was pregnant-- they're very aware of it, too.
Like, my-- well, the three-year-old is always like,
I'm the one in the striped dress.
And she's like, Nikki's the one in the leopard dress.
So Nikki's the younger one.
Nikki's the younger one.
I thought it was unfair if I didn't give
the second one, a special--
Yeah, so-- and then you're touring with them both?
I'm touring with them both.
What is that like?
It's hard.
Like, when I do the stand up, that's like a vacation.
Yeah, being on stage, because being with them is so hard.
They're so heavy now.
And I know everyone says that about their kids.
But it's like-- it's weird.
Kids double in size every couple months.
I haven't been on this show in a year.
If you tripled in size since the last time I saw you,
it'd be really awkward.
Yeah, it would.
I wouldn't acknowledge it or anything, but--
Thank you.
[LAUGHTER]
Or try to pick me up.
Or try to pick you up.
It would be so weird.
But like, my kids double in size and like-- it hurts my back.
And so-- I remember when I used to get massages,
and the masseuse would ask me, what's your goal today?
I used to say, to relax.
I want a nice Swedish massage.
And now I'm like, the goal is to battle pain with more pain.
I want you to dig your elbow into my back.
I want the lady who doesn't speak any English--
the immigrant lady, who's going to just take all of her anger
and frustration out on my back.
I see.
You should try acupuncture.
Oh, that's a good alternative.
Yeah, that would be better, because it's needles,
but it doesn't hurt.
But-- oh my god.
Well, you're so little anyway.
So one is-- you said three?
One is three.
And that--
Do we have a picture of them?
Oh, see, I can't do that anymore.
Now I just--
Wow.
There, show them the next picture.
That's how I carry them.
No matter where you are, they're in a grocery cart?
Instead of a stroller, you just have them in a grocery cart.
So you have a very minimal-- a lot of people come on this show
and-- especially rappers--
have crazy riders.
A rider is what they request when
they're in the dressing room.
You want water, tissues, and floss.
Yeah, that's it.
That's all my rider.
It's just water, tissue and floss,
because what those rappers don't realize
is that when you put Courvoisier and a big buffet of food
on your rider, you have to pay for it.
And so, I'm still really cheap.
I know we had a conversation about this last time
I was here, but like--
You are cheap.
I'm very cheap.
I still have to save all my money,
because I bring my kids on the road with me, so it's like--
out of all the stand up comics, I probably
have the lowest production cost and the highest overhead,
because I've got to bring those two kids with me.
And I bring my mom with me.
Is that who takes care of them, or you have a nanny?
That's who takes care of them when we're on the road.
She's free, which is great.
That's good.
I love her.
She's not going to sleep with my husband.
Right.
At least, I hope not.
Big plus.
That'd be great, to know that--
Yeah, although she is kind of GILF-y.
Look at her.
Wow.
She must be so proud of you, though.
She is.
I think she-- she's proud of me when I come on this show,
because she watches this show.
But yeah, for the Netflix specials
when I show my underwear, she's like, that underwear
looks loose.
[LAUGHTER]
It looks loose?
Yeah, she's like-- I hope you've trimmed,
the next time you do that.
Oh, my.
To make sure everything's tucked in.
[LAUGHTER]
All right, let's talk about this new movie, Always Be My Maybe.
It's so sweet.
It's so adorable.
And the concept is, you both have been friends.
Yes, I play a celebrity chef, who
falls back in love with her childhood friend.
And I co-wrote it with my real life friend, Randall Park,
who I've been friends with for like 16 years.
And it was great.
And I get to--
I have all these other love interests in the movie.
You kiss a lot of men.
I kiss a lot of men.
It's like, who wrote this movie?
I kiss a lot of sexy men.
I kiss Daniel Dae Kim.
I kiss Keanu Reeves.
I basically made Netflix spend all this money on a movie,
just so I could kiss Daniel Dae Kim and Keanu Reeves.
And how did-- how did Keanu--
Look at that!
Yeah, look at that.
Look at that.
And look, see-- that's me kissing Daniel Dae Kim.
And then look at that picture afterward.
See what you see on my face?
That's joy.
That is a grown woman experiencing joy, right there.
Pure joy.
You deserve that.
Mother of two.
Yeah.
People were like-- my best friend was like,
oh was it exciting?
Did you have chemistry with Daniel Dae Kim?
I've been with the same dude for 10 years.
I would have chemistry with a turtle at this point.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah.
All right, so Keanu got involved because you just
asked him to do it, and he's a huge fan of yours.
Yeah.
That's amazing.
It was amazing.
I couldn't believe-- I couldn't believe he did it.
I mean-- yeah.
It's sweet.
It's great.
It was really sweet, and I mean--
I have to-- so well, with--
going back to Daniel Dae Kim.
So you can see in that picture, again,
where my face has all that joy on it.
He improvised lifting me up, and that was even more exciting
than kissing Keanu.
Wow.
Yeah, because I told my best friend, I was like, he just--
he lifted me up, and it wasn't a problem for him.
That was so sexy to me.
Like, he just lifted me up, and he wasn't like, ow, ow, ow,
and wasn't swearing or anything, because he's the--
Is that what your husband does when he lifts you?
No, in-- look at that dude.
He just watches iPad in plank mode, you know.
Just ripped.
Oh my got. iPad in plank mode.