Hello Brains!
I just popped into my Discord from Patreon...
...and asked some of the Brains what I should talk about in the next vlog.
And overwhelmingly, people wanted me to talk about Imposter Syndrome.
And boy, can I!
♪ [ intro music ] ♪
Before I jump into this, I want to talk for a second about BetterHelp.
Who was kind enough to sponsor this video...
...and whose service I've personally used.
BetterHelp is an online counseling platform...
...that connects you with a licensed therapist that matches your individual needs.
And you can communicate through text or, if you want, video.
I used BetterHelp a few years ago while I was staying with a friend...
...while going though a divorce.
BetterHelp matched me to a therapist in my area...
...and provided a platform where I could message them as things came up for me.
Instead of having to show up at a certain time each week.
Which was exactly what I needed.
Because I was processing a lot.
So I would just brain-dump what I was thinking or struggling with...
...and come back when I was ready to see their response.
It was really convenient. And also really quick.
It's also available in other countries.
So wherever you just moved to, they can help.
With BetterHelp, you can start communicating with someone within 48 hours of signing up.
And you can log in literally whenever you want to send a message to your counselor.
BetterHelp makes it easy and free to change counselors if needed too...
...which is good.
Because finding the right fit is really important.
And can be hard for us Brains.
If you're currently in crisis and need help...
...I've linked to some crisis-lines in the description below.
If you want to learn more about BetterHelp...
...go to betterhelp.com/adhdhowto and complete the questionnaire.
So they can better understand where you're at and match you with the right therapist.
And like with any service that helps you find a therapist...
...it's also good to look up that therapist and make sure they're a good fit for you.
In the meantime, back to the vlog.
I've experienced Imposter Syndrome a lot...
...and for those who don't know what Imposter Syndrome is...
...it's basically the feeling that you don't believe your own abilities.
If someone hires you at a job, you don't really believe you deserve to be there.
If you accomplish something it's: "Oh, it's not me," it's "I got lucky."
From personal experience, it feels like you're performing this kind of magic trick.
You're like: "I don't know quite how I did that...
...and I'm not sure that I can do it again.
And I hope that nobody looks behind the curtain."
I dealt with Imposter Syndrome when I started this channel.
For sure.
My Imposter Syndrome about starting a channel about ADHD...
...when I didn't go to school to learn about ADHD...
...was so strong that...
...I kind of hoped that nobody who actually did belong in that space would ever see it.
There's this kind of sensitivity to it...
...and anytime anybody questions you, maybe there's a little extra sensitivity...
...of defensiveness. of "Oh, they think I shouldn't be here."
Because that's how
I
So anything that anybody else does or says that makes me feel the same way...
...I immediately shrink.
I - 'Cause I agree with them.
And it's painful to say that, but a lot of the time I agree with them.
And when people started telling me that...
...what I was saying was helpful to them, or useful...
...it started to feel like maybe, it's OK that I'm here.
But then every time things got to the next level with the channel...
...I felt that Imposter Syndrome all over again.
Going to Vid Con; "Oh I don't
Getting invited to do the Ted talk; "Oh I - everybody else deserves to be here. I don't."
So while everybody else is relaxing and enjoying the city...
...I'm back at the hotel working really hard on that talk.
Trying to - trying to earn my place.
Because I didn't feel like I already had.
And I don't regret the work that I did, but it did come at a cost.
It came at a cost to my physical health.
It came at a cost to my mental health.
And it made it hard for me to enjoy my successes.
Because as soon as I was successful at something...
...I had to keep proving myself.
I had to keep going onto the next thing.
I couldn't just be proud.
I couldn't go out to dinner and celebrate an accomplishment.
I had to get right to the next thing to make sure that...
...that sense of deserving this didn't immediately slip away.
The most recent experience that I've had with Imposter Syndrome...
...has been with making Chloe a service dog.
Turning Chloe into a service dog was something that I felt almost wrong about.
Becasue I don't have Autism. I don't have seizures.
I don't have diabetes. I don't need a medical alert dog.
I'm not blind. I don't have any of these conditions...
...that service dogs are typically trained to accommodate.
I have ADHD. I also have anxiety.
And I have trauma.
So it's really easy for me to look around in the service dog community...
...and say: "I don't ft here."
I'm fooling people by saying that she's a service dog...
...or I'm doing something wrong.
Even though I've put years of work into training this dog.
And she's incredibly helpful for me.
All of these things don't matter the moment I realize I don't belong.
Us with ADHD often feel like we don't belong, just in general.
It's really clear to us when we look around the workplace or in class...
...that we're not like the others.
Our brains are different. We work differently.
And we don't fit in.
And so we try to. We pretend to.
Right? We mask.
And because of that maybe we think we fool people...
...into believing that we are "adults" or "grown ups".
We are "succesful".
We are these things because we're pretending to be something that we're not.
And if other people believe it, then we
Right?
So there's societal pressures too that can add to that Imposter Syndrome.
If you're a woman in a workplace where there are mostly men...
...it's easy to feel Imposter Syndrome.
If you are a person of color in a white neuro-diversity environment...
...it is easy to feel Imposter Syndrome.
If you have ADHD and you are in a room full of neurotypicals...
...or people who are trying to look like they're neurotypical...
...it's easy to feel like you don't fit there.
It's easy to feel like you fool people into thinking that you do.
And there's also the fact that our productivity varies from day to day.
There are days when I
...I am good at my job."
And there are other days where I...
...can't find the file that I'm looking for, for two hours...
...and I melt down crying.
And I'm like, why does anybody let me do this,
I still feel Imposter Syndrome every time I go to write a script...
...because for so long I told myself that I got lucky...
...or it was this magical thing...
...or it's just this one thing that one person said that gave me the idea.
And like, I have no idea how I'm gonna pull this off again.
Every time.
And when I do have successes, it feels like...
...they're not really mine?
It feels like I got lucky.
It feels like it was good timing.
It feels like the people on my team did a really good job.
Or whatever it is.
It's just really hard for me to feel like I did good.
So what helps me with Imposter Syndrome...
...if I'm trying to be succesful and I'm constantly doubting myself?
A couple of things have been really helpful.
In terms of me dealing with my Imposter Syndrome.
One is getting to the point where I realize that I actually
So I'm at the point now where I get to connect....
...with other ADHD experts and professionals...
...and people who
...and I realized they have gaps in their knowledge too.
It's not this magical thing that...
...you get a diploma and now you know everything.
And meanwhile I don't have a diploma so I know nothing.
Self-education is a thing. A lot of people self-educate.
Even people with degrees have to keep educating themselves.
And getting to the point where I knew enough about ADHD...
... that I could consider myself an ADHD expert.
That helped me feel like: "I do belong here."
So some of that Imposter Syndrome went away.
Which is really nice.
But there are times when you really don't belong.
Especially when you start out.
And for me, that's with Chloe in the service dog community.
And that might not just be that I'm starting out.
I might always feel that I don't quite fit in this typical service dog community...
...because of my condition.
Because Chloe doesn't look like a "typical" service dog.
Because I owner-trained her.
I might always feel a little bit on the outskirts.
A little bit excluded.
But here's the thing that I think is important with that...
...at the end of the day, Imposter Syndrome is about a feeling that you don't belong.
And that if people think you do belong, then you've fooled them.
But what helps me with Chloe is realizing...
...that I think that people with ADHD, and anxiety...,
...and who have gone through trauma...
...people like me...
...
I don't fit.
But by having Chloe as a service dog...
...I have the oppurtunity to expand the circle of who does fit.
Who is going to be able to feel like they belong in that community.
Because I have Chloe as a service dog...
...somebody else is going to be able to point to me...
...and say: "She has one. Maybe I can too."
And not have to feel the same level of Imposter Syndrome that I do.
And at the end of the day, what's more valuable?
Already fitting in? Or creating space so that others can too?
I'll be honest.
If it were just for me, I don't think I would have kept going...
...with Chloe as a service dog. As helpful as she is.
Because I feel too much like I "shouldn't".
Like I - Like I don't belong in that community.
But it's the fact that I don't feel like I belong in that community...
...that makes me feel like I should do this...
...because I think that that's wrong.
I think that people with ADHD who need service dogs to support them...
...should be able to do that.
By facing down my own Imposter Syndrome about it and doing it anyway...
...I can make it a little bit easier for others to feel included too.
[sighs]
The last thing I want to say about this is that...
...always being in communities where you feel like an outsider...
...where you don't feel like you fit.
Where you feel like you fooled everybody into thinking that you do.
Always being in those circles is exhausting. And lonely.
I think it's really important to be around communities...
...where you do feel like you fit, too.
Where you can unmask.
Where you can show who you are.
And have people accept you.
And one of the best things that I've ever done...
...is connect with this community.
Because we can talk openly about what we're going through.
And not have to "fool" each other into thinking that we're successful...
...by masking the ways in which we're ADHD.
The fact that I can connect with people who are like me...
...is really powerful.
And it makes me feel less alone.
And it makes me feel less like a fraud.
And more valuable, I guess.
Because I can see how valuable these other people are.
In terms of their personality, and their ideas...
... and what they have to offer.
And it helps me see that in me, too.
I think it's important to have representation.
And I think we can sometimes be that representation.
And even though that's hard. I think it's worth it.
♪♪