- I'll be your blow dryer.
- No, it’s too-
(blows)
- Hey honey, that looks good.
- Hey hon. Yeah, thank you.
- Do you need any help with that?
- Uh, yeah, actually.
Could you take this and-
Dammnit, Eugene!
- [Eugene] You’re the lime juice to my Bailey’s.
Individually, we’re great, but together,
- We’re clumpy! We’re terrible.
(laughing)
- Get some dough, bro.
- We’re gonna get some dough, bro?
- Get some dough, bro.
- Bro dough?
- Get that dough.
- This is not what I did.
You’re being an asshole right now!
Can you pour me a cup of coffee, please?
- I don’t think pregnant women are supposed to have caffeine.
- Oh my god!
I am going to end you!
[Keith offscreen] Oh my god!
(Ned giggling)
- Rock ’n roll!
Yeah, we get to be Zach and Keith in this video.
We get to be goofy and silly!
- Yeah!
- For once!
(both laughing)
- I just ate one, but now I wanna eat all of them.
- Don’t do it, Ned. Don’t do it.
- No, I think it would be a great handjob!
(both giggling)
- Amber Moon.
- Like a rejected Sailor Moon character.
- Yeah, she’s like.
(laughs)
“It’s me! Amber Moon!”
- “Hey guys, it’s me!”
- “I have the power of eggs!”
- ♫ She is the one called Sailor Egg ♫
- And Amber!
- Amber Moon!
- “Wait for me, guys!”
“It’s me, Amber Moon!”
- “You never know when you need to shoot eggs outta yourself!”
- This coffee is really good, Rachel.
- Shut the f**k up and go to your room!
(sighs) This isn’t even the hard part.
You have to, like, actually love me and stuff!
- Just spoon me.
Can’t believe you’re going to bed in a suit.
- [Eugene] ♫ JJ Fang ♫
(together) ♫ Better than Keith and Zach’s baby ♫
- See, why am I not paired with Eugene?
(together) Bake!
- You missed my hands.
- Bake!
Hey, you missed my hands!
- Okay.
(Ned laughing) Alright. Let’s go.
Let’s go.
(Ned laughing)
- You shut the fuck up.
- You shut the fuck up!
- You shut the fuck up
I’m gonna take a real knife to your eye.
- I will fucking stab you in the eye with this.
- Wow! Your eye looks really nice!
- Oh thank you!
- Wow!
- Your handle’s looking really good!
- Thank you!
- I’ve gone to start about three times now, and then I’m like nope.
- Dude?
- What? - Look at me.
- Look at me. - What?
What?
- Look at me. - What?
What?
- You can do it.
- Thank you.
- Are you a beauty YouTuber?
- That’s right. I am.
- Yes.
- Who are you with?
- Eugene.
- And what are you gonna do?
- Chug that shit.
- Get it girl!
(laughing)
- Jeffree is gonna see this and go “eugh!”
- Eugene, Eugene.
Look at me, look at me.
- I can’t. I’m looking at my eye.
- Beauty gurus have extreme confidence no matter what the odds.
So I want you to look in that mirror and say it looks amazing.
(mocking Eugene) Ooh, I only did hip-hop dancing.
(all laughing) I’m not gonna be good at this.
(classical music playing)
(Ned coughing)
(laughing)
- It’s the food of my home planet.
- Go back to your alien planet.
And don’t you come back here again.
- Cheers!
- To crocodile…
(together) …cum.
(laughing)
- Okay bitch!
Alright, I’m back on board.
- Yes bitch.
- You’re gonna have a sugar high.
(slaps table) Mmm!
- Ned you have a…you have a baby you gotta take care of later!
- Ned!
You have a baby!
Amber Moon!
Oh god!
I watched you throw back up into your own cup!
Nooo!
(gasps)
I got a pumpkin spice latte!
This is my first pumpkin spice latte of the season, you guys.
I love pumpkin spice lattes.
(inhales)
Mmm. Smells like fall.
- Mine says “shots.”
- [Rachel] Shots!
- Really?
I get a shot of liquor?
- We both got what we wanted!
- I had to do something for this video, so I’m making dog treats.
- No, you have to give it to Matt and then he can give it to the dogs.
- Oh, he doesn’t really care.
- He does.
- No.
- He does.
- Do I know any cringey couples?
(imitating Ned) My wife.
(laughing)
- And we have a special guest joining us!
- Who is it?
Ahh! It’s my wife!
- Third wheel! Yay!
- Yay!
- I’m a third wheel!
- I want lemon.
- Oh my god, Ned!
You can’t eat all this candy.
- It dissolves so quickly!
It dissolves so quickly!
This is everything I wanted those matcha candies to be and more!
- Stop eating it, Ned!
You’ve had so much candy!
You’re gonna crash after this.
- No.
- And then you’re gonna crash,
- No.
- And you won’t be able to go home.
- No.
- Oh!
- No more vodka for Ned.
- No! But a little bit more.
- What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
(to the tune of Beethoven’s fifth symphony) ♫ Bananas ♫
(laughing)
- Yeah, that was better.
(to the tune of Beethoven’s fifth symphony) ♫ Ba na na nas ♫
♫ Ba na na na ba na na na ♫
♫ Ba na na na ba na na na ba na na nas ♫
♫ Ba na na nas ♫
♫ Ba na na na ♫
♫ Na nas ♫
♫ Ba na na na ♫
♫ Ba na na nas ♫
- He just asked me straight out if I would fist him.
Like, was straight up like “I’m really into fisting.”
I did not fist him.
- I just figure…just like.
You know, there’s a point where it just doesn’t fit.
Like, here’s a large hole.
- Yeah.
- And my fist doesn’t fit in this hole.
- Yeah, but it doesn’t have the stretch of an anus.
- I’m just saying how sad would it be if you were really into fisting but then your fist didn’t fit
- Wait! I have a question.
Do straight people 69 like often?
- No!
- Gay people, like, we always 69. It’s like constant.
- You guys don’t 69 every time you have sex?
- Sounds dope!
- No, not ever.
(Rachel laughing)
- Really?! You don’t 69 every time?
- While you guys talk it out, I’ll do a little subtraction while we’re waiting.
- Eugene, yes. I don’t 69 every single time.
- So every time a straight couple 69’s, they’re like “woah, we’re like going to France.”
It’s, like, novel.
- No, I didn’t say that.
- Aw, that’s so cute!
I hope you all 69 tonight.
- What does DSL stand for?
- Dick…dick sucking lips.
- What? - You knew that!
- No.
- You never knew what DSL stood for?
When someone goes “oh she or he got DSLs.”
- High speed connection!
- How do you know that they’re better for sucking dick?
- ‘Cause there’s more, like, real estate!
- They’re, like, bigger?
- Yeah, ’cause they’re bigger!
- So bigger lips are better for sucking dick?
- They’re better for most stuff.
- So, does Keith have a high-speed connection?
- Keith has big old high-speed connections.
- Oh, do you want me to do my Ned impression?
- Yeah.
(Ned laughing)
- I made a baby with my balls.
(laughing)
(Ned laughing)
I went to Yale with my body.
(all laughing)
(Ned laughing)
- Translating a very simple-looking character, right?
- Your little hat is so funny.
- I know, it won’t fit on my head.
- Isn’t he so cute?
- It won’t fit on my head.
- Do I got the DSL now?
(laughing)
- Definitely more than before.
- Give him a little kiss!
- Just on my cheek.
- (laughing) No, don’t.
- Oh, you f**ker!
(laughing)
I’m done! This video’s done!
It was fun for awhile and I’m done!
- Eugene, I made you a present.
- What is it?
- It’s you.
Looking at me.
Do you like it?
- Um…