Hey there, this is Clay and I want to welcome you to what's actually going to be a couple,
a couple of videos, a series of videos on.
A common failure strategies that really keep people going through breakups from getting
back together again if that's what they want and to really keep them from having the kind
of relationship that they want.
So again, this is going to be a couple of videos a today that we're just going to talk
about the very first failure strategy and this failure strategy is called suffer and
stagnate.
And this usually happens when someone decides they're gonna do something like, you know,
the no contact rule, the, there would obviously be doing the passive no contact rule, because
we would kick their ass if they tried to do this in our little membership community.
But it goes like this.
If someone decides they're going to do, the no contact rule.
So they cut off contact and they just suffer nonstop for a month.
They just suffer and anguish and torture themselves for a month.
Just going through all the pain of the breakup just in their own private hell, and then,
you know, somehow they've just kind of gritted their teeth and bared it through that month
or however long they've decided to do it.
And they come out the other end and they're the exact same person they were going into
it.
They've done absolutely nothing to change anything about themselves, to change anything
about how they bring themselves to their relationship, bring themselves to explain themselves to
the world as a whole.
And this really isn't going to bring you back together with your ex.
I mean, like the mentality is that, you know, the no contact was this thing and you have
to do it.
It's this thing, you do it, you don't understand how it works, but somehow it's going to make
your ex wanting to get back together with you.
It's this mechanism that's going to make your x wants you again.
It's going to make them miss you, going to make them reach out to you, all this stuff
and all you have to do is just kind of suffer through it and it will somehow magically work.
But I want to be a little bit sobering to you today.
I want to maybe shine the harsh light of reality on this line, this way of thinking.
And that is that, that's not gonna help you have the relationship that you want.
It's not going to help you get back together.
Why is that?
It's because nothing's really changed about you during that time.
You just kind of stagnated.
And when you do reach out to your accident, when you do get in touch with them again,
you know, maybe they even call you, maybe they've been calling you.
When they say they miss you and the two of you meet up for coffee or something.
But when they meet up with you, they're just going to see that you're the exact same person
that they broke up with.
You're still going to be needy.
You're still gonna.
Be Desperate.
You're still going to be clinging.
You're still going to be hanging on every word that they say.
You're still be walking on egg shells.
You're still gonna have that like anxiety that bubbles up in you, whenever you think
about them or whenever you think about them with someone else.
So whenever you think about the breakup and it's gonna, it's gonna really repel them and
this kind of ties in with the next failure strategy.
There'll be talking about tomorrow.
So stay tuned for that.
But it's going to really push them away and it's going to not make them want to spend
time with you.
In fact, they're going to feel, you know, like, wow, this person is still in the same
spot as when we broke up.
You know, clearly I made the right choice and leaving this relationship.
Clearly this person is exactly the person I thought they were at when we broke up.
Clearly this person has, you know, my estimation of this person was correct and I made a good
choice and breaking up and I'm really glad that I did.
And now I can move on and start another chapter of my life.
That's what they're going to think.
If you try to rely on the suffer and stagnate method, it doesn't work, you know, it's kind
of like, it's Kinda like if you wanted to lose weight or something, a lot of people
try and do this, they'll, they'll, they'll go on some kind of weird diet, some sort of
like super restrictive diet where, you know, they can't eat carbs and they can't eat fat
or they can't eat, you know, whatever, whatever the thing is, I'm not going to tell you what
my thoughts are on diet and nutrition, but, you know, there's a lot of different ideas
out there.
And let's just say someone picked one of them and decided to do it.
They decided to like cut out carbs entirely from their diet.
So they just cut out carbs and they just suffer.
They suffer, they suffer, they suffer.
And you know, they have to pass up on Pasta, the pass up on muffins and bagels and all
the delicious things that they want.
And they're just suffering because at some point in the future they think that just kind
of depriving themselves is going to get them to lose the weight and it might, it might
get them to lose the weight, but on the other side of that, the Diet's going to end at some
point and what's going to happen then?
Are they just going to go back to the way they ate before?
Are they just going to go back to all of that or they're going to make some real fundamental
changes.
It's just like that, you know, like if you were to think of the no contact rule as like
a diet you want to like go into it and make some real changes in your lifestyle in how
you, you know, you know, eat and how you view nutrition, have you exercise all that stuff
so that when you come out, you're not just going to be the same person and just go right
down the street and go to Mcdonald's or something like that.
That's just gonna have you backsides who's going to have you put all the weight back
on?
Maybe even more so, and that's exactly what happens when it comes to the software and
stagnate method.
You know, someone will do a no contact, they'll suffer through it.
Maybe they get a little bit of results, maybe their ex context and maybe they're actually
answers the phone and they call whatever.
But then when their ex sees them in person and they see that nothing's happened at all,
they have this massive backslide where their ex suddenly says, Oh wow, okay.
You were the exact same person.
I broke up with him.
And suddenly they're, they're, they're ex moves on a little bit more and they have to
work even harder to try and get through to their ex.
You know, I know a lot of you out there and maybe tried this before, before finding Mika
and I and a, you can probably, I'm kind of agreed to this experience, I'm guessing, right?
So I want you to decide right now whether or not you're going to continue with this
kind of thinking.
I want you to decide right now if you're going to really abandon the suffer and stagnate
approach and if you're going to really start taking a solid look at your emotional wellbeing
at the way that you bring yourself to the world around you at the way you bring yourself
to other people in your life, to your ex, to to anything and really examine that.
If you're open to examining, and I'm not saying you have to do one thing or another, I'm just
saying, are you at least open to examining that or do you still believe that?
How you bring yourself to the world, how you bring yourself to other people doesn't really
matter that much and you can somehow magically get different results by doing the exact same
things, but just by making yourself suffered by punishing yourself for a certain set period
of time and somehow that will atone for your sins and you can kind of get back to life
as normal.
I want you to decide right now and if you think you can continue to just suffer and
stagnate and that, that will somehow yield a successful relationship, then there's nothing
I can do to help you.
There's nothing we can do to help you at all.
However, if you are at least open to looking at your own emotional world, if you're at
least open to that idea and you, you understand that if you want change in your life and your
relationship, then you have to really change from the inside.
Not just stop talking to your ex for a month or something like that.
If you're at least open to that, then yes, we can help you.
And, that's the entire reason why we make the ex solution program.
You can go to exsolutionprogram.com and check that out and see if we'd be a good fit to
work together or not.
And you know, if you decide that, that we are a good fit, we'd be happy to take you
on.
If you decide not that's fine too, but I just want you to make this decision and to really
decide whether or not you believe that you can keep doing what you've been doing somehow
magically the different results or if you're at least open to exploring the idea of change.
So again, this has been a the first video in a series of videos on the common failure
strategies that keep people from getting back.
There'll be more videos coming up in the next few days, so be on the lookout for those.
Again, if you want to learn more about how you can work with it, I just go over to exsolutionprogram.com.
Other than that, be on the lookout for more videos in the next couple days.
Thanks.