♪ Cilantro es muy fam-- ♪
♪ Pizza overlord ♪
Ow-ow-ow-ow! Rocking Ronnie here
hittin' you with -- [ Static ]
A career, a job -- that's all there is?
Man: You might think that's all there is.
Live, work, die.
But that's not true.
I'm Palmer Elymas,
and this is "The Wondercabinet,"
an exploration of the hidden mysteries of the universe.
On tonight's show, the pineal gland --
a small sac of fluid located in the center of the human brain.
The third eye.
The Ancient Egyptians believed
you could vibrate the pineal gland,
allowing the consciousness to move any direction
in space and time -- astral projection.
And every vertebrate in the world has a pineal gland,
except one, the hagfish.
You are not a hagfish.
I'm not a hagfish.
You're not!
The powers that be have just gumped up
our pineal glands with fluoride.
Mm, fluoride. I don't know.
Skeptical?
Listen to this esteemed list of people
who believe in astral projection.
Ric Flair,
Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake,
one of The Bushwhackers,
and René Descartes.
[ Gasps ]
As you all know, I astral-project frequently.
I've gone to the time of dinosaurs.
No feathers, by the way.
Scientists get it wrong again!
I've watched the collapse of the last bit of matter
in the universe at the end of time.
I know who Banksy actually is.
It's "Captain" Lou Albano.
He's not dead, by the way.
Scientists get it wrong again, again!
You want to see the wonders of the universe?
Just put out your crystals, vibrate your pineal gland,
and -- snap -- you're off.
Since all my listeners are now successfully
astral-projecting,
I'll take this private moment
to say a shameful secret.
I have, in the past,
treated the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition
as pornography.
Excuse me. Are you Mr. Sraberg?
So you're my trainee,
here to learn how to drive the famous BangVan?
Yeah. [ Chuckles ] I mean, I'm hoping
to get in the back seat at some point,
do some acting, you know?
Get in line.
I've been the driver forever,
so if anybody's getting that tap on the shoulder, it's me.
Beautiful street, right?
It's not just the humping people enjoy.
It's the scenery going by the windows.
[ Woman moaning ] It's a huge part, I believe.
Shhhh! Shh!
Just because you work in a BangVan
doesn't mean you can't be professional.
Rule number 1 -- eyes on the road.
You're gonna be tempted to sneak peeks in the mirror,
but don't do it.
[ Moaning in back seat ] Oh, damn, that's hot!
Wow. Guys, I ran a red just then.
Is this meth, Steve?
It's my rose quartz -- to relax my neural pathways.
I've been listening to this radio show hosted by Palmer --
Radio is dead, Steve. Stern is on SiriusXM now.
Astral projection?
Oh, Steve, that's New Age garbage.
And a book? When TV? What are you thinking?
Palmer says everyone used to astral-project,
until our pineal glands got gunked up with fluoride --
The pineal gland is a myth!
Well, no one disputes the pineal gland exists.
People just aren't sure what the gland does.
Gland this, gland that. Let's not talk about glands.
Let's talk about careers.
You could be anything, Steve.
Why, you could be an endocrinologist,
whatever that is.
That's -- Are you --
That's a doctor who studies glands.
There's that word again.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to forbid you
from listening to that radio show.
But he's the only adult I know who has
any wonder in his life!
Pff! You don't need astral projection
to have wonder in your life.
Okay. Then where do I find it?
Um, um, look, you know I know the answer,
but, uh, I'm tired, you're tired,
and I don't want to be up all night explaining
it to you when you're not gonna get it.
Now go to sleep and have sweet dreams,
or we're gonna have big problems, mister.
It's 4:30! [ Door slams ]