after Fast Five turned the street racing
franchise into a globe-trotting action
blockbuster
and fast six and seven coasted off its
momentum
the newest combination of F words and
numbers is here and they're still
huffing up the fifth one's views fate of
the Furious wow these are getting really
forced buckle up for all the things you
come to expect from the fast choice cars
nod cars he just called jak 2 sub my
family and Vin Diesel bubble growls to
cement foundry it's one in a sequel that
really overestimates how much you
remember from the last three well I yes
brother Owen who could protect him huh I
did boos that Bell he's also linked
someday I'd quite like to forget
wait German honza was in these well come
here for cars and buts in no particular
order don't overthink this guy's when
somebody steals us something the
government won't do anything about it
because this guy said so US government
cannot sanction this operation in any
way now they're sending in a gang of
petty thieves and street racers to get
it back who became elite Special Forces
so gradually you never stop to think
about it
your car jackers when did you turn into
John wick join Tyrese Ludacris Kurt
Russell and other characters who you
refer to by their actors names as they
fade into the background of a buddy
action comedy starring Jason Statham and
the rock - metahumans on opposite sides
of the law
responsible for every cool scene in the
movie and struggling not to give in to
their raw animal lust for each other Oh
surely not God oh I got plenty ergo I am
so in for this spin off when you're done
having fun spend lots of time sitting on
an airplane with the only guy who still
takes these films seriously
Vin Diesel as the movie whips from
live-action cartoon where this happens -
serious drama where this happens
calheers
he's literally turned his back on his
family and walked into a different much
more boring movie with Charlize Theron
she cipher a hacker should really fire
her assistant my assistant actually came
up with the hair she was kind of out of
nowhere said you should do good walk
when she's not talking to her computer
screen ain't in town that's fine with my
line Minister has different she's
whispering I really don't want you to
learn painful instructional
mr. Lee's you're better than ratchet up
the egos as the rock and vin diesel
almost share screen time as they sort of
cross paths in voiceover her DOM and
huff in the distant background or in
edits that make it seem like VIN wasn't
the candy-ass male co-star the rock
called out on Instagram come on guys
squash the beef you have so much in
common like but you both the hates
leaves oh well we'll always have Brazil
this is what I'll do so enjoy the latest
installment of the franchise that's
still chugging along no matter how much
that co-stars hate each other how much
the women are sidelined or how clearly
they're trying to fill Paul Walker shoes
with this dingus just turn your brain
off and watch the cars go boo because
they're counting on you to never ask for
anything more you guys want to see
Tyreese fight a spaceship for the next
one or not rule number one know your
audience starring the following car puns
just as tired as this franchise is
becoming vehicle identification number
diesel blasted Martin plains Dwayne's
and automobiles Lenny or unlucky ty
Rasmussen Luda clutch car lease they're
on curb Russell Helen rear view mirror
and new Paul's drag race car wars
episode 8 the last jetta
then for many years you've been the
biggest supporter strong woman and I've
always appreciated that about you
throughout the year Michelle are you
okay are you being held against your
will
blow a kiss if you want us to call the
police okay I'm calling the cops
hey screen junkies ever wondered what
planet of the eight Caesar would be like
in today's world what defender bio like
Oh
team two early 20s I like long swings
and the woods see boar bar honest
shenanigans with Andy Serkis Woody
Harrelson and the cast and director of
war for the Planet of the Apes and our
latest honest interview now spider pig
spider pig does whatever spider pig does
hello I'm a hobbit and my name its Bilbo
Baggins wink in Lincoln Park with Linkin
Park watching Linkin Park a Lincoln with
great power comes a great reboot and the
Award for Best Screenplay goes to
transformers the last night