- Sorry this video is late,
I was chilling at the White House.
Y'knowwhatImean
What up everyone, it's your girl Superwoman!
And every 45 seconds of the day, two things happen.
Number one: I'm hungry.
Number two: Someone asks me, "Are you dating anyone?"
I get it. I'm a 27-year-old brown woman,
you don't know what else to ask.
Also most of these people are my aunts, uncles, mom, and dad
and to you I say "No! No, I'm not dating anyone."
And even if I was dating someone,
you know I'd be lying to you.
I'd be like, "No, we're just friends, okay,
no, and we only hang out to do school projects.
I know I'm not in school,
what, we just want to remain academic. Gosh."
And by 'academic', I mean
(pantomimes making out)
Just kidding!
I'm way too shy for that.
Back to the point, though, no, I am not in a relationship
for the following reasons.
Number one: Hustle.
If you are someone that is in a happy relationship,
and you're still hustling to achieve your dreams,
you know what, you are just a better person than me.
Because I cannot. Kudos to you, okay,
because I will continuously pick my job over a relationship,
and hear me when I say, that's because I want to.
I'm not crazy, I'm not delusional, I'm not lonely, no,
that is my choice, because straight up?
Right now in my life, I'm the type of person
that will choose editing over going on a date.
That's right, final cut turns me on more than people.
And you know what, from time to time,
final cut will even greet me
with that colorful spinny wheel so chances are it's gay.
But I'm still down.
If you surprise me with an anniversary dinner,
I can't come.
Unless it's like a collab or something,
and I will feel zero remorse for not going.
My job makes me happy, I love working, and right now
I'm all about just achieving my goals.
And dear world, family, friends,
you don't need to feel sad for me.
I never have to share my pizza, okay.
I never get in trouble for not texting 'Good night'.
I flirt with whoever the F I want,
and I sleep in the center of my bed
like a mother-effing-starfish, I'm doing great.
Number two: Romance.
Listen you, I don't know anyway to sugarcoat this,
so I'm just gonna say it.
I dislike romantic stuff.
I know that might be shocking 'cause I'm a unicorn and all,
but it's the truth.
Don't get me wrong, once in a while,
like you know, like two times a year, a romantic gesture?
I can appreciate that.
But all the time?
I'd rather have lice.
And I don't mean to be bitter,
and I'm sorry if I come across that way,
it's just that I feel like these days
a lot of romantic gestures are just meaningless and empty.
For example, I can't stand when dudes be texting me
romantic cheesy lines.
Like the other day, some dudes text me some ish like,
"Oh, you are every breath I take",
and I'm just like, are you sure?
Because science would suggest otherwise.
Like, brah, give photosynthesis some credit!
Straight up chloroplast, we out there putting in work
and you just gonna disregard?
And I'm gonna be honest, I don't even like
receiving gifts that often,
gifts, I feel like I can't say the word 'gifts',
'cause when I say 'gifts', you think I'm talking about
like a 'gif', but I'm tryna say "gift",
but who pronounces the 't'?
"Gift."
Honestly I don't even like receiving presents,
but now am I talking about time, like past, present, future?
What is the word?
I don't like receiving gifts that often either.
Like once a year, maybe more than that,
I feel like a lot of times guys think a gift represents
the meaning of a relationship,
and they're like "Oh look, I love you, I bought you a gift",
and I'm just like "Yeah, I prefer we just like,
talk about stuff and like, you listen to me."
Also, if you could like, not flirt with other girls,
and then not pretend like you had no idea
and you're stupid when you talk to me,
that would be swell.
I would really prefer that over a bracelet.
Just saying.
And roses are cute, you know, once in a blue moon,
but every month, that's just too much,
that's just straight up destroying an eco-system.
And then every time you deliver me these roses,
I don't think you realize that actually comes in a vase,
every single time, and now I just have 14 vases, you know,
and I don't got that much cupboard space,
so really, it's just inconsiderate.
Also, is it 'VAYz' or 'VAHz'?
What is English?
And you know, don't even get me started on slow dancing,
yeah, okay, sometimes cute, but randomly slow dancing?
Here's the thing, intentionally doing something slow
really disrupts the hustler in me,
'cause that's like four minutes, and to be honest,
those four minutes I coulda sent like five emails.
It might just be because I can't get onboard
with a lot of love songs, because I just feel
like the lyrics are unrealistic.
And I know this is the second time I'm referencing this song
but Nick Jonas, "space was just a word made up
by someone who's afraid to get close,"
maybe space was invented by someone
who was afraid to get an STD. The flu.
A common cold.
Wait, shh. Do you hear that? You hear that?
That's the sound of my vajayjay crying in anger.
Because it's trapped and alone with no love.
I shall name her, Cinderella.
Number three: Pick up lines.
I'm gonna be honest, I don't get hit on very often
because I feel like majority of people
are just really terrified of me,
provided sometimes when they approach me,
I'm wearing a beard... true story.
(laughs)
Recently, a Bollywood actor, who shall remain unnamed,
and I, we were texting, and we were just acting stupid
and flirtatious with each other,
and so as a "sexy gesture", I sent him a picture of Manjeet.
Yeah, that's really why I'm single.
Because I'm horrifying.
Anyways, just like everybody else on the planet,
of course I like to be complimented, but within reason.
Because sometimes when I'm me,
guys I feel like they think they have to continuously
tell me I'm pretty or they think I'm funny,
and I'm just standing here like, you know,
I kind of believe in my own beauty,
you don't need to keep telling me.
I get you're trying to be nice,
and so I appreciate that,
but sometimes I get text messages from guys
and literally there's like two compliments,
in every single text message,
and at that point I'm like,
can we just have a normal conversation?
Because I am not one of those girls that needs to be
constantly validated by you.
And you know what else I get?
I get a lot of guys coming up to me
and acting like they can provide me with something,
like they can protect me, and they can pay for things,
and they're strong, and they'll look after me.
And I'm just like, "Hi! Hello, stranger I just met,
jacked up on testosterone, yeah, I can take care of myself,
in fact, I been taking care of myself."
And I don't know if it's just because of the industry
I'm in, but sometimes dudes will approach me
and try to pull that baller movement
and pay for all of my stuff,
and I get you're trying to be kind,
but if I repeatedly say like, "Yo, I'm good,
I can pay for this", don't act like that's super weird.
Because in the most humble way, this booth right here?
It's mine. This event that you're at right now?
It's for me. And this credit card?
It's for the business that I own.
And you know what? I can write off entertainment
as a business expense, so how bout I buy you a drink?
I ain't sorry.
In the most humble way.
Number four: Ships.
Okay, now I don't mean to break your heart,
because I know you ship me with everyone and anyone,
straight up, ya'll ship me with so many people,
my life could be like, Titanic, a 20 episode series.
Ship names are stressful for me! They're stressful.
You're telling me I gotta take my name,
cut it in half, and merge it with someone else's name?
My name is only five letters, okay,
I don't have that type of real estate.
I ain't got no Inder/Pinder/Jeet up in my name, okay,
it's just Lilly, and three out of the five letters
are 'L's, it's like a horrible game of Scrabble.
I swear, these days people are making up ship names
before they even know each other,
just like, "Oh my god, Zach and Tiffany,
you guys are so cute, how long have you been dating?"
(deep breath)
"Well... we have our first date next week.
Zaffany!"
Yeah! So those are all the reasons
I can't be in a relationship,
also in addition to that like commitment issues,
trust issues, denial, insecurities,
but those are like minor things
that we don't really need to address.
Yo! I hope you enjoyed that video,
I really do, I hope it made you feel lighter,
and a bit, you know, at ease, and fluffier
throughout your day, maybe your day was stressful,
maybe it was not, but I hope that this added
some sort of positive light into your world,
if it did, please give it a thumbs up,
if you're single, and you agree with this,
share this video!
And if you're in a relationship,
and you think I'm bitter,
share this video!
(laughs)
If you wanna check out my last video,
it is right over there,
my second vlog channel is right there as well,
a link to pre-order my book is in the description,
and links to all the videos that I just mentioned
are also in the description,
if you wanna check those out.
Other than that, make sure you subscribe
because I make new videos every Monday and Thursday,
and I would love for you to be there.
One love Superwoman, that is a wrap!
And zoop!
I ain't sorry.