-Hey, Jackie. -Hey, Kare.
What's the story, drunk and whorey?
-We need to do something
to get Will and Grace back together.
Honey, it's been almost two years.
-But why does it always fall on us to help those two?
-I know, poodle.
You know, sometimes it seems like our sole purpose in life
is just to serve Will and Grace.
-All people see when they look at us
are the supporting players on the Will and Grace show.
So, how to get Will and Grace in the same room...
-I just had an even better idea! -What?
-I can't tell you over the phone.
-Oh, of course.
♪♪♪
-Are you Karen? -Yes, honey.
-Peter, Paul and Mary, you are fabulous!
-Well, thank you.
Who are you?
-I'm Jack. -Jack...?
Ohh, Will's Jack? Well, hello, honey.
We've talked on the phone a million times.
I can't believe we've never met.
-Look at you, you little hottie. Stand up!
-Come on!
Just...get this.
-Look at you. You are a rocketship!
-Ohh, get out of here, you strange person.
This is...
What is this?
-P.S., loving the boobs!
-[ Chuckles ]
-Perky, with all kinds of attitude. Store-bought?
-Uh-uh. [ Chuckles ]
-Right on!
God, I had no idea you would be so...kitten with a whip!
Come on, let's touch stomachs!
-Oh, my Lord, you are a complete freak!
♪♪♪
Oh, mmm! Why are you so good to me?
-Karen, I -- I can't do it. I'm hooked on the junk.
-Well, honey, if it'll help you,
I'll do it with you, okay? I'll kick coffee, too.
Yeah! It won't be easy,
but every morning when I wake up,
I'll just have to get used to drinking my Bailey's straight.
It'll still be the best part of waking up.
-Okay, Karen. -Okay.
Together we can do this.
Let me just have one last cup. -No.
-Half a cup. -No.
-How about you drink a cup,
and I'll lick your tongue?
-Tempting, but no.
-Unh! -Unh!
-Would either of you care for a cup coffee?
-Yes! -No!
-Oh!
-Get a grip on yourself! -You get a grip on yourself!
-[Grunting] Unh! -Unh!
-[ Gasps ] -[ Gasps ]
[ Sighs ]
-Look, the only way we're gonna get through this is
if we support each other, all right?
-Maybe you're right. I guess we can get our mind
off of things by touching each other inappropriately.
-Good idea.
-Why don't we ask Grace to do it?
-Is she any good?
GRACE: Hey, Boris, Natasha, I'm right here.
-Excuse me. we're having a private conversation.
Nosy parker. Speaking of which,
I'd love to park my nosey in that scarf of yours.
-Do it quick. Aah! Aah! -La-la-la-la-la.
-Aah! hah! -La-la-la-la-la.
-Ai-yi-yi-yi-yi-yaa! -La-la-la-la-la.
So, will you do it?
-I wouldn't do it if you paid me twice my fee.
-How about if I pay you twice your fee?
-I'll do it.
-[ High-pitched voice ] ♪ I don't want no scrubs ♪
♪ A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me ♪
♪ Hangin' out the passenger side ♪
-Oh, honey, come on, let me try! Gimme that! Gimme that!
Gimme that! Ha ha! I love it! I love it!
[ Inhales deeply ]
[ Normal voice ] Hi, my name is Karen Walker.
How do I sound?! How do I sound?!
-Oh, my God, that voice is ridiculous!
-Honey, your words are rockin' my world and my pants.
-I don't need to write anymore. Rocco and I are back together.
-No, Jack, I need these pages.
I'm gettin' so many images from this stuff,
sex with Stan has gone from "I've got a headache"
to "I've got to have it!" -Sorry, Kare, no can do.
-But, honey, I've got to know what happens next.
I'm addicted to these stories,
which is odd, because I don't have an addictive personality.
-Even if I wanted to write something, I couldn't,
'cause I'm happy now.
Pain was the coal that fueled the choo-choo of my art.
Karen, Rocco just dumped me.
-Oh, honey, that's terrible. My heart is cleft in twain.
You must be devastated. Here.
Why don't you try writing through your pain.
When last we left him, Giovanni was staring at the stable boy
and feeling a familiar tightening in his pants. Go.
-I know you made him dump me. What'd you do, pay him 50 bucks?
-Did he say that? Who are you gonna believe?
Me or some street trash I paid 50 bucks to to dump ya?
-I will never forgive you for this, and as for more writing,
well, you just forget it!
-How about if I pay you 100 bucks?
-I have no choice but to write through that pain.
Karen, I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm worried.
My hair's never looked better, but am I a good dad?
I mean, I want so badly for him to like me,
but I can't tell if he does.
-Well, honey, you know if you want people to like you,
you have to buy them things.
-Karen, that is so superficial.
-Honey, why do you like me?
-What do you think I should get him?
-Well, hey, I've got an idea.
I'm going to the Barney's sale with Rosario this weekend.
Why don't you just come along?
-Well, I'll need a little money from the ATM.
-[ Sighs ]
Denied. Denied.
[ Sultry ] Approved.
-Prepping for the gay bee.
My brain is buzzing with knowledge.
-Okay! Your first gay word is "daiquiri."
-I quit.
Let's turn on the TV and watch a Hilton sister milk a cow.
-Come on, Jack. "Daiquiri."
Visualize it. Okay, now, we're at our favorite leather bar.
There's a sign in the corner which reads,
"If you're wearing a harness,
daiquiris are free from 5:00 to 6:00."
Do ya see it?
Now spell it!
-D-A-I-Q-U-I-R-I.
-Ha! Honey, you got it!
-Ugh. Spelling is so hard.
It's not nearly as glamorous as it looks in the movies.
-[ Sighs ]
-Doily.
Doily.
-Could you use it in a sentence?
-He went doily down the street.
-Oh, doily.
D-O-I-L-Y, doily?
-Yay!
-Okay, well that was very good. You got the basics down.
Let's move on. Let's try a little somethin' new.
Check this out. Ready for this?
And kick it, and kick it.
And kick it, and kick it!
-Very good, very nice. Now, let's get a little dirty.
Let's move in, we're getting dirty.
Nice. Dirty.
Very good. Very good.
And Swayze, and Swayze, nice.
And Havana...
Nice. Now kiss me!
Aah! -Aah!
Hey! Wait a minute!
I'm supposed to be learning the Fox Trot.
-Sorry. And one --
-Ah, Jackie. I'm gonna miss these times with you.
I'll get him a cute boy to ease his pain.
-Hmm? -But then I thought "No."
-Mm.
-"Jackie's not that shallow."
And then I thought, "Hey,
diamonds are a girl's best friend.
I'll get him jewelry!" -Hmm?
-But then I thought "No." -Mm.
-"Jackie's a lot more complicated than that."
Nothing takes the sting out of failure like a big, fat check.
"I'll give him money!" -Hmm?
-But then I thought "No." -Mm.
-"My Jackie can't be bought.
He's an artist.
-I guess you're right. -Ha! I fooled you!
[ Laughs ] Check it out, Jackie --
The dude, the diamonds, and the dough.
-[ Gasps ]
Yeah!
-Honey, you're simple, you're shallow,
and you're a common whore. That's why we're soul mates!
[Both laughing, jumping, and clapping]
-Oh, Kare. You're my best friend in the whole world!
[ Both laughing ]
-Aah!
-Well, nothing doing on mine.
Karen? -Oh, nothing here either.
Well, thank God for that. Oh...
-You okay? -Okay?
Oh, honey, I'm relieved. I can't have a kid right now.
We just recarpeted.
-Well, you know, I knew there'd be nothing on mine.
I mean, I'm not insane. It's just...
Still, I'm a little...
sad.
-Oh, honey. Well, here.
Take my platinum. Charge yourself a little happy.
-No, thanks. I think I'm just gonna hit the gym
and work out some of these feelings...and my delts.
♪♪♪
Uh, don't hate me for doing this, but...
I love you.
♪♪♪
[ Elevator bell dings ]