So last year I made a video on introverts and I didn't really think that much about it
I mean I enjoyed making it but it ended up getting a way bigger reaction than I expected. It got me thinking
This is still such a misunderstood topic. There are so many misconceptions about it. People are searching for answers
they're trying to better understand this they're trying to better understand themselves, and it's
It's a powerful thing to understand the kind of person that you are that can be an effective roadmap
through a whole variety of different situations and I like to kind of think of it as like a
secret weapon against societal pressure and
manipulative marketing
It has maybe never been more important to understand the kind of person that you are considering the world that we live in
To start I think we have to get our definitions very clear because I see a lot of stuff online that makes this whole topic
Very confusing introversion is not a synonym for being socially awkward
There's a difference there and we need to debunk that one once and for all introversion is also not a synonym for shyness
which can be defined in many ways such as the quality of being nervous or uncomfortable with other people or the fear of
social disapproval or humiliation
the best definition that I have come across for introversion comes from Susan King the way that you put it was it's a preference for
environments that are not over stimulating
this is why the dictionary definition is not helpful and reflects a society that
Has a poor understanding of this topic because if you look it up
What you will find is that introversion equals being shy or reticent and there is a lot more to all of this
I find that when you think about introversion in terms of environment and stimulation the whole subject starts to make a lot more sense
The implications are a lot more far-reaching
I think it'll help to share how I visualize this bear in mind that I'm not a psychologist
These are simply the results of my research
For me introversion and extraversion exist on a spectrum and there's probably a million factors at play that decide where you land
Everything from the parents you had to the society that you grew up in to your genetics seemed to play a role
This is a personal theory of mine
But I believe where I land on the scale can change slightly depending where I'm at in life as I get older
I feel like I've moved more in the direction of introversion
or maybe I have just always been this way and I didn't accept it because I thought that that made me like
Anti-social or something when I look back
I do now realize that. I was just never drawn to big groups
The groups of friends group activities any of that kind of thing
I just never felt like I couldn't excel in that kind of environment. It's so much easier for me to focus
When I'm with a small group of people or even better when I'm by myself
I
Think where people get confused
is when things
overlap or seem to have a correlation
The thing to remember here is that absolutely none of this is black or white
There may be some level of correlation between social anxiety or social awkwardness and introversion, but it's definitely not one-to-one
More broadly speaking emotional stability is separate from introversion versus extraversion
And there's another one of what psychologists call the big five when discussing personality
So maybe there is a link there like a higher percentage of introverts that struggle in social settings
But one does not necessarily
equal the other one of the wonderful things about humanity is that were complex and that we as people can have
dissonant character traits
We aren't two-dimensional and we may sometimes have parts of ourselves that are in conflict with each other. I
Often do
As I mentioned before introversion is a preference for environments that are not over stimulating and so it has everything to do with
energy and
Processing of information. I don't know about you, but that makes a lot more sense to me
Suddenly I get why I feel so drained after spending too much time with big groups. Lots of people lots of noise
I start to feel overwhelmed
and I think the best way to describe it is it I can't I don't feel like I can hear my own thoughts which is
Suffocating now. Can you see why my search for mental clarity is so important to me. It's not that I'm anti people
Or that I don't enjoy socializing that is not it again nuance if I sit down with somebody that I consider
Fascinating I can talk for hours. I can handle them
in fact
I consider that very
Creatively invigorating especially if it's with like another artist and I will gladly go to a party from time to time
I love it when people invite me it makes me feel wanted, you know, it makes me feel like I have friends
It's just that I can handle those sorts of things in much smaller doses than extroverts
And if I overdo it, I can feel like a feeling of desperation feeling a wanting to escape
So I know it sounds silly, but I make sure to prepare if I know that I have a party on Friday night
for example
I will most likely spend the entire day leading up to it on my own and I'm lucky the work that I do
Allows me to do that
in fact
I find it really fun to meet up with people after spending most of the day working on my own that feels like the perfect
Balance for me in finding that perfect balance of external stimulation is what Susan Cain who I mentioned earlier
Calls finding your sweet spot in her book quiet. It's a wonderful book full of nuance. I learned a lot listening to it
I highly recommend it and I'll link to it in the description down below two things
I've learned about myself that I think are worth sharing
I seem to have a much greater tolerance in a bar or a party or whatever if I can zone into like a
conversation that I find
and the other is that I seem to enjoy all forms of social interaction a lot more when he taps into a
Specific interest of mine like foreign languages for whatever reason this seems to help a lot in managing pointless
painful small talk and that is one of the many reasons why I love hanging out with French cheese and
Italians instead of just looking at things in terms of like extrovert introvert
I think it helps to add another dimension
Which I like to call casual versus not casual generally speaking
extroverts seem to handle and thrive off of
More casual interactions with a lot of people I on the other hand have often been labeled too serious or too intense
I just really can't do casual for a long period of time
I don't use words like friend lightly. The thing I always go back to is that introspection is not only okay
It is
important and healthy for all of us just
Like socializing can be some of us need more of it than others to be able to function properly
but I think we could all benefit from a little bit more introspection in a noisy distracted world that
Pressures us to be happy connected people all the time
Success looks like many different things to many different people and we forget that it may be because our culture often champions
extraversion and ignores or shuns inner exploration a
Good rule of thumb is that any environment that consistently leaves you feeling bad about who you are is the wrong environment
Be picky about how you use your energy. You're not obliged to give your spirit and intensity to things you care little about
Ultimately, how can you be with other people if you never learn how to be with yourself?
But I hope you walk away with here is that there's nothing wrong with needing your own space and your own quiet
In fact, that can be a strength you do not owe anybody an apology for who or how you are