So one of my favorite things to do in Amsterdam is...
get a little high.
Not too high.
Bitch doesn't need to be flying.
Get a little high and go to museums.
Not for very long, like 40 minutes.
You know what I mean? Too long feels like a class.
I'm like, "Hurry up."
And so one time I was in Amsterdam
and I saw the Van Gogh Museum.
I was like, "I love Van Gogh.
I've got the place mat. Let's do it."
I told you I was classy.
And so I'm learning all about Van Gogh,
I said, "Oh, my God, Van Gogh was so interesting."
Here go the host of the tour:
"It's Van Hhoghh."
"What?" "It's Van Hhoghh."
I said, "No wonder this motherfucker cut his ears off."
Who wanna hear that?
"Van Hhoghh?"
Thank you.
I thought that was too soon.
Thank you so much. Thank you so much.
The Dutch names are wild. I mean, they're just crazy.
When you learn a Dutch name,
it's like you are actually speaking Dutch.
It's insane, like...
Gijs' best friend is named Thijs.
I'm like, "What?"
Gijs and Thijs, I'm like,
"Is this a ghetto morning show?
What is this?"
Gijs used to have a cat named Guus.
I was like, "You better not.
You better not."
One time, the cat got out.
Gijs called Thijs. He was like, "Guus is on the loose!"
I'm like...
"Is this a Dutch Dr. Seuss?"
It's too much!
Too much!
I'm not making this up.
My mother-in-law, beautiful lady,
her name is Johanna,
she legally shortened it, as you do in Holland,
to Hanneke.
What now?
I said, "Hanukkah, like the holidays?"
She's like, "It sound nothing like the holidays."
I was like, "Happy Kwanzaa, bitch."
Like, I don't even know...
...what to say.
I feel like this is a joke on me.
But Dutch is wild, man.
There aren't a lot of verbs,
so you think it might be easy to speak.
But even the verbs are hard.
They're hard to say and pronounce,
they're hard to get through your mind.
Let me tell you something.
One of the first times I was in Amsterdam,
we were taking a group family picture
and I did not know the Dutch word for "look"...
is "kijk."
Yes, bitch.
Spelled K-I-J-K, kijk.
So I'm just standing in public with the family
and they're just like,
"Kijk the camera, kijk, kijk, kijk the camera.
Kijk the camera!"
I said, "Hanneke, do something!"
Oh, my God.
The verbs are crazy.
For instance, there's this verb called "swaffling."
And that means...
to hit your dick on something.
That means, there were so many guys...
...in Holland just hitting their dicks on shit,
they needed a verb for it.
I know y'all gonna have fun in Amsterdam.
Yes, sis. Yes, sis. Yes, sis.
Yes, sis, yes.
Be free, be you.