After working out with the contestants, the Jeff things going on in the back of
my head. Because I pushed Jeff during our workout, and he got angry and then he
shut down. And I've wanted a chance to help this kid
because I feel like no one ever has. We left our conversation in kind of an
intense place, and I just wanted to check in quite honestly and just see like
if you've had a chance to think about any of it, process any of it?
I've learned that you can shut feelings off and that sometimes it's better to do that.
You're a smart a good-looking kid who's 25 years old.
What should life look like for you? Very bright and optimistic. And how has it
looked up until now? Dark and dismal. At any point in your life like if there was
a turning point that you think could have changed the course of things can
you think of one? I think probably like right after my dad died. It was just me
and my mom at home. So like I had to try to make sure she was okay, but you know I
felt in order to do that that I couldn't show any emotion. So I never cried when
my dad died ever...not once. And where do you think those feelings have gone to?
I'm sure not a good place, they've been trapped inside. How old were you? 17.
Tell me about that. We found out on Christmas Eve that he had lung cancer,
and then six weeks later he passed away. Six weeks later. Mhm.
And I think what made it worse is that he had told me to be the one that takes
care of everything you know. I just didn't know what to do.
I don't think at 17 I was prepared to even attempt to take on a task that large.
And I just feel like you know I was set up to fail at that one task that he had given me.
Do you think that there's a little part of you that feels
so angry that your dad gave you that burden? Um sometimes. Sometimes I
definitely feel like it was unfair to ask that of me. Right, and that's okay. You gotta
let that go. You've got to let the shame and the guilt go. I'm not saying you're
not justified, you were very justified, but your response has got to be different
so that we don't end up--you don't end up here. We spend so much of our lives
repeating destructive patterns and the reason we do is because we keep waiting
for a different outcome. Here's the thing, it doesn't change. YOU change. Jeff needs
to change the way he responds when he feels overwhelmed and like life isn't fair.
And that's what I'm trying to get him to do. You've got to stop living to
please everyone else, and live to please you, and that's gonna be your compass.
That makes sense. After the conversation with Jillian I know that I need to not
only work on the physical shape, but also the mental and emotional me. I'm very
grateful that she cares enough to take the time to sit down and talk to me.
It means a lot. It will be okay. I hope so. It will, cause I see more and
more of you every day. Show up and be yourself and be present. Before coming
here, my sister wrote me how proud my dad would be of me. That he would be my
biggest supporter, with every pound lost, in every weigh-in survived, he would be
the loudest one in the room. And I think he would be. I think he'd be proud of
what I was able to do, and I think he'd be proud of what I've accomplished.