- [Commentator] From west Hollywood California,
the only news team that doesn't know
what's on the teleprompter before they read it.
Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points.
This is breaking news.
(upbeat music)
- Good evening and welcome to breaking news
the show where we don't know what we're about to say
and we're not allowed to smile or laugh .
I'm Mrs. Ping-Pong
- And I'm Fiona.
As always I'm not going to say my last name
because I'm currently in witness protection
due to a burglary.
I saw 2 gang members commit in New Orleans
on June 16, 2007.
Their names are Thaddeus and Ebrahim
and it happened outside of the Kingston mall.
This was back when I was living at
35 Easthouzer with my sister (laughs).
(laughs)
with my sister Dakota Mosley
who drives a red Hyundai elantra
license plate (laughs)
6M9k4HGF.
- Glad you're safe Fiona
now today's top story
what's the latest dance craze sweeping the nation.
But first a devastating earthquake (laughs)
has rocked the Caribbean
resulting in over 40 million casualties.
- Just skip to the dance thing
- Sure, the viral dance is called the Seal Team 6
in honor of the American heroes
who killed Bin Laden.
It's easy to do
first you clap your hands like a seal
like this (bark)
then you high five your friends like a team
and finally you stick 6 fingers in your mouth
and slurp on them like this.
- Fingers in mouth.
- Mhhm more of a suck than a slurp.
- Oh I can slurp, well...
(slurping sound)
(laughs)
- Should be more tongueless slurping
- Can you try it so I can see
- No absolutely not
it should be like a
let me get my mouth wet
(slurping sound)
- That's what Ryan did (laughs)
- That is what I did
- Oh
- You'll don't know this about me
but I can fit my entire fist in my mouth.
- No (beep) way no way
- Can you slurp
try it!
(laughs)
- What!
(laughs)
- What is going on
- I can't I (laughs)
I can't slurp
(laughs loudly)
all right.
- Moving on
- Yeah moving on
I win.
Thanks Mrs. Ping-Pong this is so fun.
Oh it, well all right
if I wanted to slurp 7 fingers instead am I allowed
- No, if you do 7 fingers
it means you think Bin Laden
belongs in heaven instead of hell.
- Oh I understand is that the end of the routine then.
- It's actually just the beginning
if you really want to honor the troops sacrifice
the next step is to
spit in your hand as much as you can
to symbolize the sweat and blood
of the heroes on the battle field
just as much drool as you possibly
as possible until your hand is completely soaked
like this.
- Oh I want to honor the troops too
(laughs loudly)
- Oh...
- This is the stuff that gets me
(laughs loudly)
- A little bit more
- Oh it's in your beard
- Finally the last step
as a sign of friendship we shake hands.
- Do you have any sores
- I don't have any sores
not to my knowledge
(mumbles)
- Thank you
(laughs loudly)
- It all got left in Amy's hand
(laughs loudly)
- Thank you Mrs. Ping-Pong.
All this dance talk has got me in the mood
to hear from my favorite entertainment correspondent.
Are you there D.P.
- Good evening folks I'm D.P. Knightly
bringing you the latest in music, TV and film.
Well classic rock fans were treated to
joyous news this morning.
When the legendary group
yes you guessed it
Fountains of Wayne
and now the release date for their next album
more songs about milfs.
Since their last hit 'Stacy's mom'
fans around the world have been hankering
for more milf content
and by the sounds of it
the new project will not disappoint.
- What can you tell us about the album D.P.
- This album is an homage to milfs everywhere
if you're looking for an album to add to
this is the CD for you
the group kicks things off
with the pop rock anthem 'Afterschool snatch'
a song for any teen
who's ever eaten a greasy pizza bagels
out of their mom's panties.
After that the group
slows things down a bit
with the emotional ballet
'Breastfeed me softly' featuring Frank Ocean
that's a catch
I got an advance listen
and folks get your tissues ready
because this is a bonafide tear jerker
not to mention you'll want to jerk to it .
Finally for fans of the OG milf
the group continues the saga of Stacy and her mom
in their sequel outro track
'Stacy came from your womb'.
Early reviews of the album
say it really changes the game
for the entire milf genre.
- Thanks so much D.P.
I simply can't wait to listen.
We go now to our correspondent Frick Davis
out on the field for some local news
Frick what can you tell us
- Oh hi Mrs. Ping-Pong
I'm standing outside
of exciting new tech theme restaurant
Mega Terabytes
Oh that's good
Right here in downtown
where eager diners are lining up around the block
to taste digitally inspired meals
handcrafted by culinary visionaries.
The combination of food in tech
has critics really excited
and I've got the " virtual" inside scoop.
Now for the viewers at home
my connection out here isn't the greatest
so you want to turn your volume way up
and I'll try my best to be as loud as well!
- Thank you Frick
it is a it is a bit hard to hear you
so please be loud!
- Will do Fiona!
Mega Terabytes menu
boasts a wide aray of technologically named meals.
- What was that word
- Technologically named meals
from the' Alexa set an alarm for 4:30am' burger
and fries combo to the
'hey Siri call dad' chicken salad wrap.
- I I'm sorry Frick
what was the name of the burger combo
- It's called' Alexa set an alarm for 4:30am'!
- And I'm sorry but I missed the
name of the chicken wrap
- It was called 'hey Siri call dad'
anyone's phone activating
- Oh yeah yes actually thank you
I I can't way to try
'hey Siri call dad'
- Vegetarians need not spare
the restaurant has a flavorful vegetable and humus platter
that's already getting a lot of buzz.
The name of the platter is
' hey Siri send a message to dad that says
shut your fat mouth'
Yes send it!
Back to you in the studio.
- That's it for us but before we go
we'll announce that
today's loser is Tao and thanks for watching.
- Wow
- Slurp your hand
at least I didn't get spit on my hand.
(laughs)
sexual
- Oh your fist is huge
damn!