Have you ever had a conflict with someone at work
who had a different opinion from you, but they were determined to argue? And has that left
you wondering, how do I be professional? How do I handle that?
Well, then in this video I'm going to share with you three very
practical tips on how to handle confrontations,
have that tough conversation, so that you can be professional,
but at the same time, create a win-win scenario.
And the end of it, you'll have the confidence and the belief
in yourself, and a completely different approach to these tough conversations.
So the first thing is to realize when I'm talking about confrontational conversations.
Anytime you say a conversation has been confrontational
or somebody is confrontational in front of me,
the word confrontational itself,
that description is really a projection of a label.
Here's what I mean by that. Every single individual in a conversation,
you, your colleagues, your supervisor,
right, your higher-ups as well, everybody
in that conversation without exclusions of it,
everybody has their own sets of value,
right? What you value may be different from what your supervisor values,
and vice versa, from what your higher-ups value are different from each other
and what they value is different from you.
So, as a result, everybody’s own systems of value
is most important to them is like a fingerprint,
a unique fingerprint. And any time we're in a conversation,
no matter what type of conversation it is, or no matter who's in the room in that conversation.
The only thing that each individual cares about is helping themselves,
fulfill what's important to them. That's the only thing they care about.
So when it comes to a label we project that this person
or this conversation has been confrontational.
The reason why we say that is
because when somebody is conversing with you and the things that they're saying,
the things that they are presenting are supporting you
and supporting your values and supporting what's important to you,
then naturally, you know, you tend to label them as being supportive,
as cooperative, as that was a pleasant experience.
However, the opposite is also true. In a conversation
when there are individuals who say things that challenge you,
who say things that have a different perspective,
different opinions, or maybe even oppose
what you are suggesting then naturally we label that person
or maybe that conversation as confrontational,
right? So, that's the first thing I want to bring to your attention is having that awareness,
which is which leads me to this first step,
right? Step number one. I'm going to share three steps. So step number one,
very practical step on how to handle these confrontational conversations.
Step number one is to calm the rage. In the moment where we label that conversation
or that individual as confrontational,
we're at the height of our emotional state. We might feel offended.
We might feel like we were insulted. We might feel belittled, patronized,
whatever it happen, whatever have you and if you were to respond in the height of the moment,
in the height of emotions, this is where we have
what I call the zone of regret, the zone of regret.
And what that means is that tendencies, our tendency at to
respond at the height of those negative emotions
when we project that label of confrontation,
we tend to generally say things we might regret later on.
We tend to say things that don't appear as who we normally would be,
or don't appear as rationally thought out as we would like to them to have been.
So this is the zone of regret.
So that's why it's important, step number one, to really calm the emotions.
And this is where you want to take a step back
and really to look at what was the actual cause of the argument.
What was the actual thing that initiated it? What was the actual argument from the other side?
And when you take a step back, this is also important as well,
knowing what, what initiated what was the actual initiator of it? Chances are
you will find that nine times out of ten,
it's not that they were it was a personal attack.
It was not that they were trying to keep you down or trying or or deliberately rejecting your ideas.
There was some sort of initiator. What was that drive?
What was it? And at the same time,
this is your opportunity, as you're taking that step back,
looking at the bigger picture of the conversation,
this is also your opportunity to see, okay,
obviously, the other person has differences in opinions
and this is expected because nobody will have the same values as you.
So this is your opportunity to look at, okay.
What how has this challenge?
How can I grow from this challenge? How is this challenge
helping me? How is this challenge actually supporting me?
How is this challenge beneficial to me? For example,
has it allowed you to be more independant from your supervisors?
Has it allowed you to be able to articulate more clearly
your ideas? Has it given you opportunities to really to really be solid
and grounded in what you believe in?
So what have what have been the supports to you after all?
Because in the moment that this is occurring,
we have a tendency to immediately project that label of confrontational.
And that's when we see all the challenges without the supports of that conversation.
So that's step number one, very practical is to remove the charge, to take the step back,
looking at the big picture of it. So,
in that first step in step number one, this is asking yourself some questions,
having the courage and the care to ask yourself
some questions to understand what your involvement was in this.
What initiated the argument and the purpose of that initiation.
So now we've, we move to step number two,
the second step of handling confrontations,
handling these tough conversations in a very professional way.
The second step is to refocus your conditions.
What do I mean by that? Now unconsciously we set these conditions on
what it means to have a productive conversation.
For example, a condition that we often unconsciously set is that they must be complete agreement.
They must be a 100% buy in to my side.
They must see things from my perspectives
or they've got to respect me for my opinions or give me the floor or hear me out.
These are conditions that we put.
So this is important to now, take when you're taking a step back and having an inventory,
ask yourself, what are these unconscious conditions that I set
for myself for this conversation to happen?
And then, as you are refocusing your conditions,
the key is to go back to the principle I shared in step number one,
and the principle if you missed it, I'll repeat it right now,
the principle is that every individual in a conversation,
the one thing that they are committed to the one thing that can be guaranteed,
that they're going to work towards is fulfilling their own values,
because your system of values, the core values
that an individual has is a fingerprint.
It is unique to each person. What you value,
everything that you value in your systems of value is unique to you
and your conversation as your audience will not have the same values as you.
So, while you are labeling,
projecting labels of confrontational when things challenge your values,
the same thing is happening on the reverse, your audience,
your higher-ups, supervisors, managers, whoever is in conversation with you,
they too are labeling things the challenges to their values
as confrontational or unsupportive or maybe even oppositional.
So the key to refocus in your condition is instead of expecting them to live
in accordance to your values, that is futile,
that's not going to happen. The other converse is not going to happen
if you try as well, you can't expect yourself to live in accordance
to what they value, because your values are
what's true to you. Their values are, is what true to them.
So refocusing the conditions is going on to visit their
side of the table because this is your ownership of,
okay. What is my contribution to this confrontation?
What is my contribution to this conflict?
So you can only control one thing and or two things you can control
two things. You control your perspectives, and you can control your actions.
Those are the only two things you have control of, your own perspectives and your own actions.
So, refocusing the conditions now is that you choose to have this
perspective that I shared in step number one.
And then in this step, number two, refocus
the conditions means to go on their side of the table and to understand what is important to them.
What are they dedicated towards?
What are their systems of values? And helping them to see how all of this,
your suggestions, your ideas, your recommendations,
whatever it is you're sharing in this conversation, how is it going to help them to fulfill
what's important to them? Right? And so,
if you are getting this, the principles of human behavior, the principles of why conflicts occur
and conflicts are unavoidable,
but the word confrontational, that's a projection,
a label projection. So if you're getting this and you're seeing this,
but at the same time, maybe you're thinking to yourself, well,
my situation has a lot more nuances.
My situation is a lot more complex if that's how you're feeling
and you want some feedback and you want some guidance.
Then I invite you to work with me as your coach,
as your executive coach, and if you are serious about creating this
result in your career path and in your communications,
then I invite you to click the link below this video in the description the
first link, there is an application for you to apply to work with me as your direct coach.
And this is where I'll show you how to communicate
effectively, how to navigate through all the nuances in your particular situation
and how to be able to leverage these human behavior principles
so that you can be professional
and create win-win situations and be of your highest service and your highest potential.
So if that's you, click the link below and I look forward to seeing you on the inside.
So now, once you have completed step number two,
you will have a point of view, you can uncover the roadblocks that are
preventing them from seeing your point of view.
You can also understand what their perspectives are,
that are preventing as presenting as road blocks, that are,
that are preventing them from accepting your point of view.
And then you move to step number three and the third step,
the final step is to reconstruct your course.
So what do I mean by that? Reconstructing your course is where
you are creating a sustainable path forward.
Where both of you, both sides are having your values met.
You just you are being authentic to what is important to you,
what your dedicated towards and you understand the perspectives of your audience members,
what's important to them? What do they value? What are they dedicated towards?
And there's a collaborative effort towards some common objective that is meaningful.
Now a collaborative effort towards a common objective does not
necessarily mean that you might be working together on a project
or it doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to join forces.
It does not necessarily mean that. It could just mean that you create a valuable outcome
and meaningful out come from just from this conversation,
but it could also mean of course that there is a collaboration that there is a moving forward
and if there is a moving forward and a collaboration,
this is where it's important to continuous be able to
continuously be able to communicate in accordance
to what they value
most. Where you can show and demonstrate that your perspectives,
what your recommendations are, the actions were taken in this collaboration
moving forward, that is going to help you achieve
what's important to you, it's going to help them achieve what's important to them and understand
also those two principles that I shared before as well,
right? So this was going to create a new, a brand
new course, starting from your perspective shift on
what is a confrontational conversation. It’s going to create a brand new course moving forward
and a very meaningful relationship,
meaningful conversations, where both of
you are having benefits from it,
but understanding from the outside,
right from the outside that the values are not going to be the same.
And it’s not about changing someone else's values or changing your own values.
It's about finding that meaningful objective on in the
middle and honoring and respecting each other's values.
So, if you have found this helpful, give me a thumbs up.
If this topic for you is something that you've been thinking about and really going through lately,
then give me a thumbs up. And also give me a comment below as well.
I want to hear from you. What is the most recent conflict that you had with your colleagues?
Because I want to make sure that I'm producing content that you want to hear, content
that is helping you, empowering you, and inspiring
you as well. And I have one last thing,
if you are talking and you are trying to take notes from this
and you want to implement this in your career path in front of your higher-ups,
or your teams and you're wondering well, how do I how do I bring this up assertively?
How do I communicate assertively? Right?
Then I have a video that I created recently.
So the video is going to be either on this corner or this corner.
I always forget which corner it's going to be.
But just on one of these corners on the top of the screen,
there's going to be a link to one of my videos that talks about how can
you be assertive in situations like this.
So that when you are articulating
your ideas articulating your perspectives,
that you can be assertive and not passive and not overly aggressive as well.
So, go to that video. That's coming up right next.
And I'll see you there.