I just think I need to be alone today
with my…
feelings.
Do you lie?
What? No!
Friends don’t lie.
Shit.
But please tell me this, and be honest,
have you ever actually won a fight?
Okay, that was one time!
Twice. Jonathan, year prior.
Listen that doesn’t count.
Why wouldn’t it count?
’Cause it looks like he beat the shit out of you.
Oh n-no no no,
Nancy!
Sorry.
I think this is big.
Bigger than one article.
In fact, I think that has got to be a book.
The Mysterious Case of the Missing Fertilizer:
A Nancy Drew Mystery.
[men’s laughter]
It’s just one little mistake.
I’ve made hundreds, thousands.
Max has dumped me five times!
But what have I done?
Huh?
Have I despaired?
No.
I’ve marched back into battle,
and I’ve won her back every single frickin’ time.
Wait, guys!
I’m still here!
Guys?
Three favorite movies. Go.
The Apartment,
Hidden Fortress,
Children of Paradise.
You. Go.
Favorite movies?
Did I stutter?
Uhhh.
Animal House, for sure.
Can’t we just hear your rendition?
No.
Please? Just one verse?
No!
No way, it’s reserved for Suzie’s ears and Suzie’s ears alone.
Turn around.
Look at what you seeeeee.
In her face,
the mirror of your dreams.