- Hello, lovely people.
I'm Jessica and welcome to my channel.
I make videos about disability,
chronic illness and LGBTQ+ things
and how things intersect.
Because those are all parts of my life.
I also talk about vintage fashion, parenting,
occasionally my love of baking,
but how it doesn't always seem to work out well for me.
If that sounds like your bag, then subscribe.
Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring today's video.
I'm gonna tell you more about them later.
But today we're going to be doing a rant.
Yes, a rant.
I don't know how I've already decided
that I'm going to rant, but I have decided.
I'm in a ranty mood.
You know when you get in those moods and you're just like.
So, I've recently had a conversation
that just really annoyed me,
really grinded my gears, as they say.
Recently, I was having a conversation with someone
who acts as an administrator,
but they're applications process.
And they said that they tended to turn down anyone
who expressed that they had a disability
and asked for an accommodation in their application form.
Yes, we're all going to take a moment
to let that one sink in.
They tended to turn down
or at least had a negative impression of
people who stated they had a disability,
and therefore needed certain accommodations
to be made, on an application form.
Now, for those of you thinking,
"Is this not illegal?"
Ding, ding.
Correct, correct.
Yes, you are right.
That is indeed illegal.
I did indeed point that out and the answer was,
"Oh, don't worry.
"I don't write that down.
"I have ways around it.
"I always say it's for another reason."
Did attempt to come back on that, was resoundingly ignored.
I did then point out that this was immoral
and they said that really
it was just because if these people
are asking for accommodations,
it really just shows
that they're not going to be a good team player,
probably going to be a bit difficult.
And thus we come to really the headline of today's video.
Different does not mean difficult.
Jesus, people.
What on earth is happening?
For instance, you were making yourself a cup of tea.
You asked Barbara in the cubicle over,
"Do you like some tea, Barbara?
"I take mine personally with just milk.
"How would you like yours?"
And Barbara said, "I don't take milk, but I'd like sugar."
What's your feeling now?
Is it, "Barbara, that is different to how I take my tea.
"You are therefore a difficult human Barbara, difficult."
I think you might need some introspection there.
I think that might be a you problem.
Not entirely sure that's Barbara's issue.
I mean, Barbara may have an issue.
Maybe she just likes sweet tea.
She's allowed to have her sweet tea.
When I pressed further on why on earth
this person thinks it's acceptable to break the law
and act immorally for really no good reason,
they said that they felt that education and whatnot
very much mollycoddles disabled people
and people with any kind of special need,
and really that the workplace just isn't like that.
The working world is much harder.
I know, I know.
You can hear it, can't you?
You can tell.
You didn't wanna be judgemental.
I wasn't going to tell you
'cause I didn't want you to form a judgmental opinion.
But you could probably tell, a certain generational age.
We're not gonna say it.
We don't wanna judge people based on their generation,
but is this potential person
someone who may look down on avocado toast?
Maybe.
I then try to explain that as a disabled person,
my lived experience has been very different.
So, clearly I did actually go to school.
It wasn't an experience
I would describe as mollycoddling really.
It was pretty harsh, pretty harsh.
Wouldn't describe the general educational system as helpful
in my being a disabled student.
I generally try to be quite positive on my channel
and speak
in quite a positive way.
Obviously, I am just one person.
I have been through my life
and I can helpful tips
sometimes on what to do.
And I can share things that I have been through
and help some of you feel positive about education,
especially if your health is in some way
getting in the way of that as it did for me.
I very much struggled through school
due to my physical ill health.
Essentially just my limbs not working occasionally.
I look back now
and I'm astounded that I was able
to get through the day at school.
I mean, I think it got harder and harder and harder
past the age of probably 13, 14
when I switched schools and went to a school
where it was much, much more difficult physically for me,
because, well, the campus was much larger.
The type of school was very different.
They weren't as helpful as the previous school.
And that then led to a rather large health crisis
when I was 17 and I paralyzed both my arms,
which was brilliant.
And it had to struggle around school on crutches,
which was just the worst,
most painful thing,
considering it was on a slope
and we had to go outside in between classes
and like half my classes were in water cabins.
My God.
England in the rain, leaves everywhere.
Slippery pavements, porta cabins, crutches and kids.
I say kids.
When you're 16, you should know better.
Who like to kick out your crutches from underneath you
because apparently it's hilarious.
Brilliant fun, brilliant fun for me.
But yes, that then led to the arm thing.
And then after that, it got a whole lot worse,
and I became really, really ill,
to the point where I couldn't even attend school anymore.
And the school district was like so actively unhelpful
that they said I wasn't allowed to like do homeschool.
And anyway, we don't need to get into it.
We don't need to get into it.
The point is no, did not feel mollycoddled at all.
I did have extra time in exams,
which was very helpful.
Quite dyslexic.
I took my A-levels when I was too ill to sit up
or have any light around me.
And also I was in excruciating pain.
So, I had to be in a separate room from everyone else
and I had to dictate them.
It was a real fight though.
But eventually I got given a free laptop,
because I couldn't hold a pen,
but yet I was still supposed to complete homework.
If I had any thought of leaving school.
I was like, "I would like to one day leave school, thanks."
And this is also why we need to be a lot more open
when it comes to talking about things like mental health.
Today's video is sponsored by BetterHelp,
which is really fitting because sometimes when I'm stressed,
I make YouTube videos about what's on my mind, like today.
But other times I know what's more productive
and better for my mental health is to seek professional help
and talk to a therapist, not a camera.
I actually get therapy through BetterHelp.
And you should be aware of BetterHelp by now.
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We're there to help.
You can actually start communicating with a therapist
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because I think if you've ever tried
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you know that the waiting lists
can be pretty, pretty long.
Because it's virtual,
you could do this from absolutely anywhere.
So, if you are going on holiday, taking a break for a week,
it doesn't mean you have to take a break
from working on yourself.
BetterHelp's main priority is to make sure you feel
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So, with BetterHelp, you get really timely
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And you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions,
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And you don't have to just be waiting
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Sort of informal way of doing things.
But then you can also keep to that traditional route
of going with just the weekly video session
if that's something that you feel works better for you.
If you're interested in trying BetterHelp yourself,
I have a special offer for my followers.
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And then of course, we come to the upswing.
There's always an upswing
in every story I tell, don't worry.
It goes down low.
Sometimes it gets real deep
but then it always comes back up again.
One of the things that I do now as a YouTuber is also.
As a YouTuber.
One of the things that I do now as a disability advocate
is not just YouTube,
but also give public talks, including for companies.
And many of the companies
who ask me to come talk to them ask me,
"How do we employ more disabled people?
"It's something we really want to do.
"How can we be more accessible?
"How can we be more aware?
"Not just for our disabled customers,
"but for our disabled employees?
"How can we encourage people with any kind of disability
"or extra need to apply for a role in our company?"
Obviously, times have changed.
You go to school before you join the world of work.
So, there has been a shift in general society
in the awareness of disability
and the acceptance of accessibility
and how to make accommodations
in that it's an important thing that we should be doing.
I mean, one fifth of the UK population
has some kind of disability or health condition.
So, it's not like we're a small niche here.
However, when it comes to companies
and working and jobs,
aside from the very first company that I ever worked for
who were kind of tiny and weird.
That's on them.
Every company I have worked with so far
have been aware
or at least had the intention
of trying to be,
have come with the best intentions,
have wanted to
learn more,
have wanted to
be accessible,
have wanted to make that space.
And yes, I know that I am there in a position, not power,
but they've invited me as someone
who is there to speak on this very particular topic,
so obviously they're going to be asking me
very particular things about,
"Do you need any kind of accommodations?
"Oh, what can we do for you?
"Oh, we better make sure
"that we have everything that Jessica needs."
I'm aware of that.
I'm aware that that might not be the case
for absolutely everybody.
They are trying.
And the fact that they have asked me to be there
and asked me for my help
to better themselves going forwards,
to me makes a big difference.
Because dear God was my voice not heard before.
Literally, I was at a meeting
about my education with the local educational board
at my school about my future
and whether I'd even be allowed back into school.
And the like head of the area came in
and sat down at this meeting in this room
and this like circle of adults,
and a good 10 minutes into the conversation, I was like,
"Is Jessica even gonna be joining us then?"
And my mother had to point out
that he'd actually stepped over me.
Like literally stepped over my prone body on the floor
on the way in to this circle of adults.
He'd literally just ignored the ill child on the floor.
So, at the end of that deeply frustrating conversation,
we're left with this person's two main issues.
Number one being that people with needs are difficult.
And number two being that we're given too much help.
We often see the idea that people with needs are difficult
when it comes to food.
I know I did the whole tea thing earlier.
You can hold that in your mind.
So, on my second date with Claudia,
I decided that we were going to go and get some food.
It's a pretty normal date thing to do.
However, there are a number of foods I can't digest.
It's very unfortunate,
but it's more unfortunate for me
than it is actually for other people,
which is something that other people
seem to forget a lot.
Unclear as to why
and seem to act like it inconveniences them
more than it does me.
Believe me, it doesn't.
It's my internal organs which are annoyed.
But also my mouth.
Have you seen croissant?
I have.
I want to eat one.
I look at that croissant.
I want it in my mouth, but I can't put it in my mouth.
I can't.
I would like to, but I can't.
Who does that inconvenience?
Me.
So anyway, for our second date,
we decided we were gonna go get some food.
I hadn't yet told her
that I maybe had some long list
of foods that I could not consume.
So, I picked a restaurant
that I knew I would be kind of okay with.
Sushi place.
Brilliant, sushi.
Comes in little dishes.
Everything's sort of set apart.
You kind of know what everything is.
We sat down, we got out the menus.
I ordered five things, I'm gonna say.
Maybe two of them I said, "Can I have this?
"Oh, but with the sauce on the side.
"And can I have this one
"but without the sauce at all?
"Thanks so much.
"Can I also have a ginger tea?"
And the waiter turned to me and said,
"Without the ginger?"
"Sir, I am on a date.
"A date.
"A date, I tell you."
I died.
Fortunately, as soon as he walked away, she said,
"What an asshole."
And I was like, "Marry me."
I mean, I didn't.
She said that like four months later.
But the point is she was the woman for me.
What most people don't get
is that accommodations don't just benefit the person
who receives the accommodation.
They benefit everyone.
Say you work in a tech company.
You're a manager.
And you've got a guy who works on your team, Dave.
That sounds fine.
Dave, he's a coder.
He is the best coder
that your company has ever had.
Dave has requested that he have a special chair
because he has a disability
that means he requires a more supportive chair
that's different to everyone else on the team.
And you, as the manager, should provide this chair.
But you feel like,
"I mean, just not really being a team player there, Dave.
"Really everyone should sit on the same chair, Dave.
"Oh, come on now, Dave.
"Very difficult, Dave."
And so Dave says, "Okay, cool.
"I'm gonna go work for your competitor.
"Bye."
And Dave is gone.
Oh, bummer.
You just lost your best coder.
And now your boss says,
"You're a rubbish manager and you're fired."
And then of course we come to the idea
that those of us who have
any kind of disability, health issue,
whether that be mental or physical,
are mollycoddled and weak.
Which gosh, that one just really, really gets me going.
You think that people who struggle
with everyday, small things,
and yet are still here doing everyday life are weak?
Are you kidding me?
It is quite clearly the opposite.
Who are the strongest people in the world?
People who are disabled and have health needs.
Yeah.
You don't know, for instance,
how hard it is for someone who has a mental health problem
to have gotten out of bed that day, to have gotten ready,
to have come to stand right in front of you right now.
And yet you're gonna call them weak.
Make it make sense.
It is so brave for anyone to admit that they have a problem,
to admit that they need a little extra,
to admit that there is just a small thing,
a little change, an accommodation,
something that is going to help them
to help everyone else
to add whatever it is
that they are adding into the group.
It doesn't stop them from being a team player.
What they're doing is saying,
"Hi, I want to be a team player.
"This is just the thing I need."
Because let's be honest here.
Absolutely none of us, none of us, fit the perfect model
of the capitalist worker drone.
No, I don't think so.
We're all just mushy little human bags of.
We're not machines.
We're not great.
Some of us have to admit that all the time.
And actually that's really brave to say to someone,
"Hi, yes, I would really love
"to be a part of your organization.
"Really interested in that.
"Just to let you know though,
"I'm going to need this one thing."
Because wow, you're putting yourself out there.
You're putting yourself on the line to say something.
You're not being difficult.
You are being
so brave.
And if that organization turns around to you and says,
"No, that seems difficult to me.
"Don't seem like a team player.
"Don't seem like someone we want."
My goodness.
You do not want to be there.
You shouldn't ever have to hide your needs.
I know that saying that is very bold.
It's very blue sky.
It's very perfect world.
Let's try and live in that perfect world.
It might right now feel incredibly scary
and like you're kind of alone,
but something that you might not be realizing
is it is also building a foundation.
And then everyone who comes after you
builds on top of that,
and on top and on top and on top and on top.
And it's easy to say, again, and hard to do,
but if we let ourselves be crushed now,
who are we letting be crushed later?
Thank you so much for watching this video.
I hope that it's been helpful.
Maybe you've learned something new.
And also it's just my opinion.
It's nice to share something with you
that I feel so passionate about,
that being different doesn't mean you're being difficult.
Thank you again to BetterHelp for sponsoring today's video.
You get 10% off your first month
when you sign up using the link in the description.
That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.
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Thanks so much for watching
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Mwah!
(upbeat, old time jazz music)