Spring break,
the one week a year when college students drink and party.
This is now the second year
that spring break has fallen during coronavirus,
but things are a little different now.
At this time last year,
many people hadn't started
taking the pandemic seriously yet.
But this year,
they've stopped taking the pandemic seriously too soon.
NEWSPERSON: Spring break state of emergency.
Overnight, more chaos from Miami Beach.
A wild weekend
of mostly maskless people packing the streets.
Police shooting pepper balls to disperse the crowd,
setting off a stampede.
More than 1,000 people arrested there
since the start of spring break.
NEWSMAN: Maskless crowds descended
into the entertainment district over the weekend,
dancing on cars, drinking in the streets,
defying an 8:00 p.m. curfew issued Saturday.
NEWSMAN 2: Tourists have been packing this popular
spring break destination since February
back when Florida's governor Ron DeSantis declared the state,
an "oasis of freedom from coronavirus restrictions."
Governor Ron DeSantis made this a free state,
-no masks. -It's open.
We can come and have some fun.
NEWSMAN 3: One guy dressed as The Joker climbed
on top of a car with an American flag,
tossed dollar bills and declared, "COVID's over."
COVID's over, man!
COVID's over, baby!
(bleep) yeah!
Oh, wow. The new Snyder cut is weird as hell.
But let's be clear here.
COVID is not over, all right?
Some random dude can't declare the end of the pandemic
by dressing up like The Joker and making it rain.
It's not a thing.
Only Dr. Fauci can declare the end of the pandemic
by dressing like The Joker and making it rain.
And look, you can't totally blame the maskless partying
on college students.
I mean, this is what's gonna happen
after Florida's governor called the state a "freedom oasis."
Like, if I put a Starbucks sign above my apartment door,
I can't be mad when people show up
and try to take a shit in my bathroom.
But still, there's no reason
that you can't celebrate spring break and wear a mask.
It can even be part of the fun.
I mean, just think about how sexy
a wet mask contest could be, hmm?
I mean, we haven't seen mouths in a year.
What's under there? Mmm, mmm.
And if we've learned anything from Miami,
this is just a preview of how much everyone is gonna let loose
once the pandemic is truly over.
People have been locked up for too long.
Once it ends, everyone's gonna be drinking and partying,
hooking up with everyone.
It's gonna be so much
that it's gonna create the next worldwide virus. Yeah.
Guys are gonna be waking up in bed next to a bat like,
-"Uh-oh. I think I did it again." -(squeaking)
But let's move on to this week's big political news--
President Raisin Biden.
He's facing a lot of challenges in his first 100 days.
The vaccine rollout, the crisis at the border,
what happened to Ms. Frizzle. Whew.
But over the weekend, he faced his biggest challenge yet--
staying upright.
A White House spokesperson has blamed wind gusts
for President Biden's stumbling three times
as he attempted to climb the stairs onto Air Force One.
This happened as the commander-in-chief
was boarding the aircraft to fly to Georgia.
Same White House spokesperson added that Mr. Biden is doing
"100% fine," and did not require medical attention.
(laughs)
I'm sorry, guys.
I honestly can't believe that this happened.
The president got knocked over by wind?
This is going to be the first president
where the Secret Service needs to carry around paperweights.
Hold on, sir. Hold on. We got you. We got you.
Someone sneezed.
For real, though. Why couldn't they just say that he tripped?
Tripping on stairs is a normal thing.
You don't need to lie about it.
But saying you got blown over by the wind--
that is so much weirder.
It's like if your roommate walked in on you jerking off,
and instead of just telling him, you're like,
"Oh, no, I'm detaching my penis for the night.
I put it away for safekeeping. Aah! Aah!"
And by the way, people,
it's not like this just happened to Joe Biden, all right?
It happens all the time. Biden tripped.
Obama tripped, Mike Pence tripped.
And the reason isn't because they're old. The reason is
because they were running up and down stairs.
You shouldn't do that.
That would never happen in Africa.
I mean, mostly because our presidents fly commercial,
and they got to wait for their boarding group to be called,
but you get what I mean.
The point is, we don't think about it
because we use stairs so much, right?
No one thinks about it,
but stairs are basically an obstacle course.
You take one wrong step, and you're gonna eat shit.
And that's one thing,
one thing that my man Trump understood.
You love 'em or hate 'em,
but you got to treat stairs with respect.
He understood that.
You walk up slowly.
You hold the banister, and you swear
to God that if he lets you survive this,
you'll never walk upstairs ever again.