(CollegeHumor theme)
(electric buzzing)
- It's like, I want to order the Double Loaded
Gut-Bomb Chili Cheese Fry Nachos, but--
- We have a pool party to go to after this.
- I guess we could always order from
the diet menu.
(horror music)
(up-tempo music)
- Beyoncé doesn't say that.
- "If he liked it, he should have put a platter
"of grilled onion rings on it?"
This is degrading.
- A "Glamburger on a Tight Bun" with a side of thighs?
Jesus!
- How are you supposed to say any of this out loud
to another human being?
- Hey, gang!
Are we ready?
- Yes, I will have the...
Chicken Slenders.
- I'm sorry?
- The chicken.
- Ah, the Chicken Parm or the Chicken Francese?
- Uh, the, diet menu chicken.
- Which one?
- This one.
- I'm sorry, don't have my glasses.
- Oh, okay, of course you don't.
The...
Saucy Bossy Chicken Slenders.
- On a Blamwich or as a Flauntrée?
- A Flauntrée.
- It doesn't sound like you want it.
- Excuse me?
- If you want a Flauntrée,
you have to flaunt it.
- (sigh)
I am the boss bitch and I demand my Slenders as a Flauntrée,
with the Fit Into My Little Black Dress-ing on the side,
sorry, not sorry!
Is that good enough?
- For you? - I'll just have a burger.
- What? No!
Did you hear what just came out of my mouth?
No, no, be a man and order from the Bitch Menu!
- Okay, um...
I will have the Glamburger then.
- What kind of cheese?
- It would be the...
Man, I Feel Like a...
Wo-manchego...
please? - What was that?
- Man, I Feel Like a Wo-manchego.
- Oh...
Sing it for me.
- What? - Sing it for me,
you little slut.
♫ Man, I Feel Like a Wo-man... chego
- Yeah, now tell me how you want it cooked.
- I don't want to.
- You have to tell me.
I have to tell the chef.
- Medium Fierce.
- What kind of bun?
- Holla Bread.
- What kind of bun?!
- I want it on Holla Bread, girrrrl!
- (crying)
- Good boy.
Do you know why you're crying?
'cause you're a fat boy, not a fit boy.
You wanna be a fit boy, don't ya?
Say it to me.
- I'm a fat boy and I wanna be a fit boy, sir.
- [Waiter] Shake your fat boy tits for me.
- Don't do it. - Shut up.
Yeah, yeah.
Good, good, good.
I'll get you guys some water!
- What's up, the world?
From award-holders Murph and Emily
comes a new web series called Hot Date.
- That's right, it's gonna be coming to you weekly,
and if we play our cards right,
maybe we'll actually win one of these.
- Yes, these are other people's--
- These are other people's. - But...
We're holding them, so,
who's the real winner?