WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
IT'S FRIDAY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE'VE EARNED IT.
AND THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS ARE JUST FOUR DAYS AWAY.
THERE'S SO MUCH EXCITEMENT, EVEN REPUBLICANS IN GEORGIA CAN'T
SUPPRESS IT.
AND ON TUESDAY, TUESDAY, THIS "LATE SHOW" RIGHT HERE WILL BE
LIVE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER.
OF COURSE--
BIG NIGHT.
>> Jon: WE'RE GOING TO BE RIGHT UP HERE LIVE!
>> Stephen: OF COURSE, THE ELECTORATE HAS CHANGED SOME
SINCE LAST WE VOTED.
BECAUSE IN THIS ELECTION, MILLENNIALS WILL PASS BABY
BOOMERS AS THE LARGEST VOTER-ELIGIBLE AGE GROUP.
YES!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: THE TORCH HAS BEEN PASSED TO MILLENNIALS, WHO
IMMEDIATELY DROPPED IT BECAUSE IT'S WAY EASIER JUST TO USE THE
FLASHLIGHT ON YOUR PHONE.
AND THE YOUNGLINGS ARE PAYING ATTENTION TO THE MIDTERMS.
ACCORDING TO A NEW HARVARD STUDY, "YOUNG PEOPLE COULD VOTE
NEXT WEEK IN NUMBERS NOT SEEN IN MORE THAN 30 YEARS."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: I WANT TO SEE THAT.
>> Stephen: I HOPE SO.
>> Jon: I WANT TO SEE THAT.
>> Stephen: DO IT.
30 YEARS!
IT COULD BE THE HIGHEST TURNOUT SINCE THE LATE '80s, WHEN YOUNG
PEOPLE CAME OUT IN FORCE FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL TICKET OF
MADONNA/BEETLEJUICE '88.
AND THE EARLY VOTING NUMBERS BACK IT UP.
COMPARED TO THE LAST MIDTERMS IN 2014, 18- TO 29-YEAR-OLD TURNOUT
IS FIVE TIMES HIGHER IN TEXAS, FIVE TIMES HIGHER IN NEVADA,
FOUR TIMES HIGHER IN GEORGIA, AND THREE TIMES HIGHER IN
ARIZONA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THREE TIMES HIGHER IN ARIZONA.
THIS YEAR, ALL THREE PEOPLE WHO ARE UNDER 30 IN ARIZONA VOTED.
GOOD ARE YOU!
>> Jon: YEAH.
PLEASE, PLEASE, WEAR SUNSCREEN BECAUSE THAT OLD LADY ON THE
BENCH IS 26.
AND UNIVERSITIES ARE DOING THEIR PART, TOO.
THE SCHOOLS OF THE BIG TEN HAVE ANNOUNCED THE BIG-TEN VOTING
CHALLENGE TO SEE WHICH SCHOOL HAS THE HIGHEST ELIGIBLE VOTER
TURNOUT.
NOW, I'M A PROUD BIG-TEN ALUM.
AND I WANT ALL MY FELLOW NORTHWESTERN WILDCATS TO GET OUT
THERE AND VOTE AND WIN THIS THING.
BUT GIVEN THE SWING STATES THIS YEAR, I'M ALSO OKAY IF OHIO
STATE OR WISCONSIN JUST CRUSH US.
BUT STILL, SOME YOUNG PEOPLE--
SOME YOUNG-- BUT STILL, SOME YOUNG PEOPLE
AREN'T PLANNING TO VOTE.
AND "NEW YORK" MAGAZINE ASKED 12 DISENGAGED MILLENIALS WHY.
SOME OF THE REASONS ARE, WELL, REASONABLE, LIKE:
"IT'S INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT FOR HOURLY WORKERS TO VOTE."
"IT'S SUCH A TEDIOUS PROCESS TO EVEN GET REGISTERED."
AND, "GROWING UP, GOING TO CATHOLIC SCHOOL, EVERYTHING WE
LEARNED HAD A SKEW ON IT.
I THINK THAT SHAPED ME TO HATE POLITICS."
NOW, AS A CATHOLIC, IT PAINS ME TO HEAR THAT.
OUR RELIGION ISN'T ABOUT TEACHING YOU TO HATE POLITICS.
IT'S ABOUT TEACHING YOU TO HATE YOURSELF.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
WHY DID I-- WHY DID I SAY THAT?
NOW THE BABY JESUS IS CRYING.
( LAUGHTER )
LIKE THIS YOUNG MAN FROM TEXAS WHO SAID, "I TRIED TO REGISTER
FOR THE 2016 ELECTION, BUT IT WAS BEYOND THE DEADLINE BY THE
TIME I TRIED TO DO IT.
I HATE MAILING STUFF.
IT GIVES ME ANXIETY."
( LAUGHTER )
AS PATRICK HENRY ONCE SAID, "GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME
XANAX.
I GOTTA GO TO THE POST OFFICE."
( LAUGHTER )
THEN THERE'S THIS CONFUSING LOGIC FROM A NON-VOTER IN OHIO:
"MY FRIEND GAVE ME 'THE PRINCE,' BY MACHIAVELLI.
I GOT INTO HELLENISM.
I READ CICERO, LIVY.
LATER ON, I GOT INTO VOLTAIRE.
I NEVER FELT CERTAIN ENOUGH TO VOTE."
( LAUGHTER )
NO EXCUSE FOR INACTION.
THAT'S WHY I CAN'T PAY MY BILLS WITH A CHECK THAT JUST SAYS,
"MONEY IS A CONSTRUCT!"