THIS IS THE THE END OF A VERY BIG WEEK FOR
US, AND NOT JUST BECAUSE IT'S THE FIRST WEEK OF US.
IT'S ALSO BECAUSE OF SOME OF THE GREAT GUESTS WE'VE HAD THIS
WEEK.
ON TUESDAY, WE HAD FLORIDA GOVERNOR AND PRESIDENTIAL
CANDIDATE JEB BUSH.
JEB!
JEOP!
>> JEB!
>> JEEEB!
>> YEAAA-AAAH!
( LAUGHTER ) I HOPE HE HAD A GOOD TIME.
I WAS VERY EXCITED HE WAS HERE.
JEB!
AND LAST NIGHT, WE HAD POSSIBLE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE
VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN.
IT WAS AN ABSOLUTE HONOR TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM UPON
AND I THINK ONE OF THE REASONS EVERYBODY LIKES THE VICE
PRESIDENT IS THAT WHEN YOU SEE HIM, IT REALLY FEELS LIKE YOU'RE
SEEING A GENUINE, AUTHENTIC PERSON WHO IS GIVING AN HONEST
VERSION OF THEMSELVES.
WHICH IS WHY A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE WORRIED ABOUT FORMER FUTURE
PRESIDENT HILLARY CLINTON.
( LAUGHTER ) AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SUMMER,
EVERYONE THOUGHT SHE WAS INEVITABLE.
BUT RIGHT NOW, IN NEW HAMPSHIRE, SHE'S 11 POINTS BEHIND
VERMONT SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
PROVING THAT EVEN PEOPLE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE CAN'T TELL THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEIR STATE AND VERMONT.
SO EVERYBODY'S ASKING IF SHE'S SO INEVITABLE, WHAT'S THE
PROBLEM HERE?
AS ONE POLITICAL STRATEGIST PUT IT, "THE SAME FORCE AND ENERGY
THAT IS GIVING A LIFT TO DONALD TRUMP IS DOOMING HILLARY
CLINTON, AND THAT IS AUTHENTICITY.
EXPERIENCE DOES NOT MATTER TO VOTERS.
WHAT MATTERS IS YOU APPEAR GENUINE."
YES, MS. CLINTON IS CLEARLY QUALIFIED FOR THE OFFICE, BUT
TO BE ELECTED, THAT ISN'T ENOUGH.
YOU HAVE TO APPEAR GENUINE.
IF ONLY THERE WAS SOME WAY WE COULD GET A GLIMPSE INTO THE
PRIVATE SIDE OF HILLARY CLINTON-- I DON'T KNOW, READ HER
EMAILS OR SOMETHING.
DARN IT!
SHOOT!
WHAT ARE THE ODDS!
I PERSONALLY JUST THINK SHE NEEDS TO SHOW MORE HUMOR AND
HEART AND RELY LESS ON WHAT HER AIDES ARE SAYING.
WHICH IS WHY I WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE THIS HEADLINE, "HILLARY
CLINTON TO SHOW MORE HUMAN AND HEART," AIDES SAY.
AND THEY ARE OFF TO A GREAT START WITH THE SPONTANEOUS
RUN-IN THEY HAD WITH THE "TIMES" REPORTER TO SPONTANEOUSLY
EXPLAIN THEIR PLANS FOR SPONTANEITY.
OKAY, SO THE PLAN IS HUMOR AND HEART, HUMOR AND HEART.
FIRST OF ALL, FOR THE HEART, HER AIDES HAVE TO MAKE SURE SHE
STOPS AND SMELLS THE ROSES EXACTLY BETWEEN 9:30 AND 9:32.
SNIFF, SNIFF, MADAM SECRETARY.
AND NOW WE'RE LATE!
DAMN IT!
COME ON, COME ON!
LET'S GO, LET'S GO!
THE DONORS ARE WAITING.
THE DONORS ARE WAITING!
AND, OF COURSE,-- ( LAUGHTER )
EVEN MY-- LOOK AT THAT.
LOOK AT THAT!
EVEN MY HAIR IS FRUSTRATED!
AND, OF COURSE, THE HUMOR.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DONALD TRUMP'S HAIR AND BERNIE
SANDERS' HAIR?
I'VE BEEN ADVISED TO MAKE THE PUNCHLINE ABOUT DONALD TRUMP'S
HAIR SO AS NOT TO ALIENATE LEFT-LEANING DEMOCRATS."
BY THE WAY, THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BERN'S HAIR AND DONALD
TRUMP'S HAIR IS WITH BERNIE, THE CARPET MATCHES THE DRAPES.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND, AND-- FOR LEGAL REASONS I'M GOING TO SAY I DON'T UNDERSTAND
THAT JOKE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND SECRETARY CLINTON'S TEAM IS MAKING SOME OTHER SPONTANEOUS
CHANGES, TOO, LIKE SCRAPPING THE PHRASE "EVERYDAY AMERICANS,"
WHICH ADVISERS SAID WAS CONFUSING AND DID NOT RESONATE.
YES, IT DOES NOT RESONATE, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHO DOESN'T SAY
"EVERYDAY AMERICANS"?
EVERYDAY AMERICANS.
( LAUGHTER ) THEY KNOW THEY HAVE TO BE HERE
EVERY DAY.
AND I'M HAPPY TO SAY, HILLARY'S TEAM HAS ALREADY CRANKED THE
GENUINE NOZZLE OPEN, BECAUSE AFTER MONTHS OF REFUSING TO
APOLOGIZE FOR HER USE OF A PRIVATE EMAIL SERVER WHILE SHE
WAS SECRETARY OF STATE, THIS WEEK SHE FINALLY SAID, "I'M
SORRY."
AND FOR THE RECORD, THE IDEA TO SAY, "I'M SORRY" DIDN'T COME
AFTER HER AIDES MET WITH SOME WASHINGTON CONSULTANT.
IT CAME AFTER THEY MET WITH A NEW HAMPSHIRE FOCUS GROUP.
( LAUGHTER ) WAY TO SHOW THAT TRADEMARK
HEART.
AND YES, THEY WILL BE HAVING IT TRADEMARKED.