Hey there, this is Clay with relationshipinnergame.com.
I am the world's leading expert for high achievers on breakups, and in this particular video
we're going to be talking about the three reasons why your ex walls you out.
Okay, so I'm sure that probably a lot of people out there have had the experience of going
through a breakup and wanting to make things right with their ex trying to contact their
ex and work things out and hash things out and get on the same page with one another,
but their ex just gives them the cold shoulder.
They walled them out, they won't talk to them, they just kind of give them the silent treatment.
And we're going to talk about the three reasons why that happens.
So the first reason is because your ex feels and emotion called guilt.
So you probably don't need me to tell you this, but when you go through a breakup, you
feel a very strong feeling of rejection and, and you don't need me to tell you this.
I'm sure you've felt this, this pain of loss, of rejection, of grief and all of that stuff,
right?
But what you may not understand is at the same time that the breakup is happening, you
know, you're getting this emotion of pain and loss, whereas your ex is also a getting
this emotion of guilt.
You know, it's this twin emotion that is created at the time of the breakup.
You get one half of it and your ex gets the other half.
So what they get is this feeling of guilt, guilt that they are hurting you guilt that
they are causing you pain, guilt, that they are somehow giving up on something, right?
And this can be, something that a lot of people overlook because you know, your ex, they want
to be a good person.
Most of us out here in this world want to be good people.
And when you go ahead and break up with somebody and you have the talk and you know, They're
crying and maybe feeling a lot of very sad emotions.
We often feel guilty about that because we don't want to be that kind of person that
goes out there and hurt someone else and causes them pain and, you know, we want to be that
good person.
And when you're sitting there and what you're saying, what you're doing, what you're wanting
is needing someone else suffered through pain and causing them to cry.
That can really make you question whether or not you're a good person.
And so your ex might feel guilty about that.
And it's because of this guilt that they may while you out, okay.
That's why every time you may contact them, send them a message or, or call them up or,
or whatever.
They may not respond at all because simply being reminded of you being reminded of the
breakup and what happened and what they did.
You know, what they perceived they did to hurt you.
I was just going to make them feel guilty about it, and so they might sort of distance
themselves from you and the breakup.
That's one reason why your ex my wall you out.
And the second reason why your ex might while you out is because of consistency, right?
So your ex has come to this conclusion from one way or another that they should break
up with you and they've gone ahead and, and rationalized in their own mind and they've
said, okay, it's for the best.
If we break up and then I'm going to sit down and have the talk with you and we're going
to break up.
And then do the two of you do break up and you have to understand that in order for your
ex to come to that conclusion, it usually requires some thought and some serious soul
searching on their part in most cases.
and after that, your ex is going to want to be consistent with that choice.
They're going to want to be consistent with their past actions and what they've said,
right?
They would feel silly if they gave all this thought and consideration to breaking up with
you and then broke up with you.
And then like overnight they got back together with you.
They would feel a little bit silly, little bit foolish, a little bit embarrassed by that
frankly.
And so oftentimes they may while you out in order to be consistent with what they've done
in the past don't want to be consistent with, with all of that thinking and all of that
consideration and all of the actions and words that they've had with you about the breakup
in the past.
And again, this, this does kind of tie into the whole guilt thing, but, but also they
want to be consistent over the long run.
They don't want to feel like they're sort of waffling, flip flopping back and forth,
doing the whole like, Yay, we're broken up this week, but next week we'll be back together.
And the week after that we broken up again.
You know, nobody wants to have that kind of relationship.
And so they might while you out for a period of time in order to really for their own sake,
feel consistent in their actions because again, we all want to feel like we're consistent,
we all want to feel like we're good people and stuff like that.
So, they might while you out initially due to consistency.
And the third reason why your ex might while you out after a breakup is because of reactance.
Okay?
And we have talked about this before, but let's just do a quick refresher.
So reactance is a word that a lot of people may not have known the definition of.
But I, I'm pretty sure most of you have experienced this feeling of reactance, right?
So it's that same feeling you get when there's a knock on the door.
Somebody rings your doorbell, right?
Then you get up and put down whatever you're doing and you go and open the door and suddenly
there it is, a door to door salesman trying to sell you a brand new vacuum cleaner.
He puts his foot in the door.
He won't let you close the door.
He comes in and wants to demonstrate the amazing properties of this vacuum cleaner and he tries
to twist your arm into buying it.
Right.
That feeling of like a, I don't want to be here.
I was just trying to enjoy my nice, you know, Sunday morning coffee and suddenly here you
are in my house.
I can't get rid of you.
You won't just sort of just take a hint and we've, I don't want the vacuum cleaner and
all that stuff.
That's that feeling of reactance.
Okay.
And it's, it's basically that feeling when you feel like you're being forced or coerced
to do something against your will.
And this can often happen in breakup scenarios because I'm oftentimes a lot of people will
approach the break of approach, getting back together with their ex as if they have to
convince their exes if they have to kind of get their ex to take them back.
Right.
And, you know, of course, if you want to make things work with your ex, that's probably
something that you would like, but in order for that to happen, you can't do it as if
you have to get something from your ex, you have to convince them to do something against
their will.
You have to instead first connect with them as a human being, like we talk about over
in our newsletter at relationshipinnergame.com, if the first build that emotional connection
so they naturally want to get back together with you.
It's kind of like the difference between a good salesman and a very poor salesman that,
that triggers a lot of reactance and, and makes you want to, you know, slammed the door
in his face, right?
so I want you to be the good salesman who really helps a hook people up with products
they need and products that they actually want versus the salesman who's just trying
to sell something to everybody that moves, right?
And so, that's what reactance is and you really want to be very careful about this.
This is a very, very, common emotion that people experience during breakups.
And if you, if you want to get back together with your ex, I would really strongly recommend
that you educate yourself on this topic.
So if you'd like to do that, please head on over to relationshipinnergame.com.
We talk in great detail in our newsletter, on the topic of reactance and, of course,
other factors also, in terms of getting back together with your ex.
So please head on over to relationshipinnergame.com.
Sign up there and start going through our newsletter and learning about what it is you
can do to sort of lower your ex's walls so that you can have that emotional connection
and get back together.
Again.
Thanks a lot.
This has been Clay with relationshipinnergame.com.