we all know what a gold-digger looks
like it's gold tails and I'm gonna find
I mean yeah those are definitely the og
gold diggers but I think the more common
image that comes to mind is and in 2019
we now have a new evolved version the
emotional gold digger
hi I'm amber hi I'm gonna need you to be
my substitute therapist by listening me
talk non-stop for several hours and
you're gonna provide me with extensive
emotional support and I'm not gonna
reciprocate that kind of stuff for you
at all and the signs that you're dealing
with an emotional gold digger are pretty
similar to the signs of a regular gold
digger just swap out money with emotion
so whereas a gold digger is curious
about your economic caliber an emotional
gold digger wants to know about your
compassion caliber so um how many best
friends have you had had a few in my
life I guess and are you like a good
best friend um well I try to appreciate
them and be good to them yeah okay do
you like remember their birthdays and
plan outings and sacrifice your personal
needs to pacify them this is a strange
line of questioning is it an emotional
gold digger will try to force and
fast-track intimacy with you they'll
dump their entire life story despite
barely knowing you when I was six I was
pretending to be a reporter and
reporting on what you shouldn't roll off
with a bunk bed but then I actually
rolled off the bunk bed and hurt myself
and I think that's why I became an actor
and then when I was seven I like fell
off my bike on this hill and I ran to my
mom so I was bleeding and I was crying
and she didn't even care I think that's
why
after and then when I was eight and much
like how a gold-digger wants expensive
gifts emotional gold-diggers want
expensive gifts gifs I know it's gifs
but I say gifts cuz I'm honoring the
person who created it but whatever gifs
unions that Manning means to remember
what you're supposed to send me memes
every day that's how I equate our
friendship best friends send each other
instead DM means sorry I've had a busy
day so busy you couldn't take two
seconds to send me a post from the
holistic psychologists or some witchy
moon omens I'm sorry
yeah you should be tomorrow I better get
double the memes or this friendship is
over in all seriousness memes are the
currency of the modern digital age and I
wholly judge all of my friendships based
on who is sending them to me
I'm Anna Akana and thank you to
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