Because your job as a parent is to make your child socially desirable by the age of four
Like you got it.. you want to burn that into your brain because people don't know that, that's your job
And here's here's why you thi...
It's it's easy if you think about it carefully so you imagine
you've got a... you've got a three-year-old child so sort of halfway through that initial period of
Socialization and you take that child out in public.
Okay what do you want for the child? who cares about you
What do you want from the chi... from the child? you want the child to be able to interact with other children and adults
so that the children are
welcoming and smile and want to play with him or her and so the adults are happy to see the child and treat him or her
properly
and if your child's a horrible little monster because you're afraid of disciplining them or you don't know how to do that properly
Then what they're gonna do is they're going to experience nothing
but rejection from other children and false smiles from other parents and adults
And that's so, then you're throwing the child out there into a world where every single face that they see is either
Hostile or lying
and that's not something that's going to be particularly conducive to the mental health or the well-being of your child
if your child can learn a couple simple rules of behavior like
Don't interrupt adults when they're talking too much and pay attention
And try not to hit the other kids over the head with the truck any more than is absolutely necessary
Then and you know and share and play properly
then when they meet other kids the kids are going to try out a few little play routines on them
And that's gonna well
And then they're going to go off and socialize each other for the rest of their lives
Because that's what happens is that from four years old onwards the primary
Socialization with children takes place among other children, and so if the kids don't get in on that early
They don't move into that developmental spiral upwards
And they're left behind
and you can imagine how terrible that is because a four-year-old will not play with another four-year-old who's two
But a five-year-old certainly will not play with the five-year-old who's two right because the gap is just starting to get
unbelievably large and so the kids start out behind and then the peers leave them behind and then those kids are alienated and
outside the peer group for the rest of their life
Those are the ones that grow up to be long-term anti social
Right they're already aggressive. It doesn't dip down now what happens to normal boys roughly speaking
Imagine the aggressive two-year-old types they get socialized so their level of aggression goes down
And then they hit puberty and testosterone kicks in and bang
Levels of aggression go back up and so that's why males are criminals between the ages roughly of 16 and about 25
So and it matches the creativity curve by the way, it's so cool
If you look at the spike of creativity among men 16 to 25, and it starts to go down
criminality matches that absolutely perfectly, so that's quite cool so... and part of... so the
testosterone levels rate raised the average level of aggression among man
It's more dominance than aggression actually in testosterone is by no means all bad
And then it starts to decrease at about age 25 or 26
Which is usually would men stop staying up late at night, stop drinking as much
develop a full-time career and take on burdens and responsibilities and opportunities that are associated with the long term partner and family
and so
Also, that's that's the development of
of
Of what I... what I would call predatory aggression because I also think that the
Agreeableness distribution is probably something like predatory aggression versus maternal sympathy
It's something like that so if you look at other if you look at other mammals that are
that are predators because we're predators as well as prey animals if you look at other animals like bears
The male bear has absolutely nothing to do with the raising of the infants in fact the female bears will keep the male the hell
Away, because he's likely to kill the infants and maybe even to eat them, so there's no maternity at all
in solitary male
Mammalian predators now it depends on how social they are but roughly speaking
That's the situation
Whereas with human beings males are quite maternal
so
but anyways I think the... I think the... the... the extreme of agreeableness on the low end, so disagreeableness, is predation and
the extreme on the upper end is maternal caring and
so and those two things compete right obviously
It's very difficult to be both of those at the same time and so men of course in the wild so to speak
are, very very few women hunt
in modern societies or in or in archaic societies and you can also understand why that is because hunting
actually requires hurting something killing it and
It's usually something that's not very impressed about being hurt or killed and it will emit a lot of distress while it's happening and so
For anybody who's compassionate who's who's got compassion as, you know, one of the fundamental elements of their temperament. That's something
They're just not going to be able to tolerate at all
So there's ten... you know in the evolutionary landscape because that's really what we're talking about there's tension
Behind the development of different modes of being in the world
And it if you're good at one thing that sometimes means that you can't be good at the other thing at the same time