>> James: GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO "THE
LATE LATE SHOW."
I HOPE EVERYONE HAD A NICE TUESDAY.
AS I EXPLAINED LAST NIGHT, I'M NOT IN THE STUDIO.
I'VE BEEN EXPOSED TO SOMEONE WHO HAS COVID-19.
I'VE TESTED NEGATIVE, I FEEL COMPLETELY FINE, BUT TO BE
EXTRA CAUTIOUS, I'LL BE SPENDING THE NEXT FEW DAYS IN QUARANTINE
AWAY FROM THE STUDIO.
BELIEVE ME, THIS IS NOT HOW I IMAGINED IT WHEN PEOPLE TOLD ME
I COULD START PHONING IT IN AFTER FIVE SEASONS.
( LAUGHTER ) IT REALLY ISN'T.
I'M ON A ZOOM CALL, WHICH IS BEING PLAYED ON A TV IN THE
STUDIO, AND THAT TV IS BEING FILMED FROM NINE DIFFERENT
ANGLES BY PROFESSIONAL CAMERAMEN.
SO, YOU KNOW, BUSINESS AS USUAL FOR THE YEAR 2020.
BUT WE HAVE A FUN SHOW PLANNED FOR YOU TONIGHT.
WE'LL BE TALKING TO THE ALWAYS HILARIOUS RAINN WILSON, THEN WE
HAVE A PERFORMANCE FROM ANTHONY RAMOS THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO
MISS.
AND TOM, ONE OF OUR WRITERS, IS ALSO HERE TONIGHT.
THANKS FOR BEING HERE, TOM.
YOU WERE ON THE SHOW LAST NIGHT.
>> GOOD TO BE BACK IS THAT I IMAGINE IT'S GONE CRAZY FOR YOU,
THE REACTION AFTER LAST NIGHT, RIGHT?
>> I MEAN, IT'S HUGE.
I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, THERE WAS SOME BUZZ ONLINE.
BY THAT, I MEAN I GOT A MESSAGE FROM MY TENTH GRADE HISTORY
TEACHER ON LinkedIn.
>> James: THAT'S A WIN.
I THINK YOU WILL BE GONE BY THE END OF THE WEEK.
YOU WILL BE TEARING UP THE CONTRACT, I'M OUT OF HERE.
I'M ON-SCREEN TALENT NOW.
>> WHEN THEY ASKED ME TO COME BACK AFTER DAY TWO, I FELT LIKE
WALK AWAY.
IT WAS LIKE SEINFELD IN '98, JUST WALK AWAY.
>> James: THAT'S WHAT I FELT AFTER THE PAUL McCARTNEY
AIRED.
REGGIE, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?
HOUSE OF YOUR MORNING?
>> Reggie: I GOT UP, I DID SOME HANKY-PANKY.
>> James: DID YOU?
>> Reggie: YEAH, JUST A LITTLE BIT.
>> James: NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS A BRITISH AND AMERICAN
THING -- >> Reggie: DEPENDS.
YOU KNOW, HANKY-PANKY.
>> James: BUT IS THAT THE SAME?
>> Reggie: OH, YEAH.
( LAUGHTER ) WELL, CONGRATS.
CONGRATS.
>> Reggie: THANKS.
>> James: I THOUGHT YOU WERE IN A GOOD MOOD WHEN YOU WERE
TEXTING ME EARLIER.
YOU WERE TEXTING ME HEARTS AND KISSES ALL OVER.
NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY.
>> Reggie: EXACTLY, A HANKY-PANKY STARRING GENE
WILDER.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: WELL, THAT'S WHAT
YOU DID THIS MORNING.
>> Reggie: YEAH, WHAT DID YOU DO.
>> James: >> James: LET ME TELL YOU WHAT
THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES DID THIS MORNING.
>> Reggie: OKAY.
>> James: HE CALLED IN TO "FOX & FRIENDS"
AND ENDED UP CHATTING WITH THEM ON THE AIR FOR 47 MINUTES.
TO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE, WITHOUT COMMERCIALS THIS SHOW
ISN'T EVEN 47 MINUTES LONG.
AND THINK ABOUT HOW LONG THIS FEELS.
AFTER 47 MINUTES OF TALKING ON FOX NEWS, TRUMP FINALLY HAD TO
GET OFF THE PHONE TO GO BACK TO HIS OTHER MAJOR RESPONSIBILITY--
WATCHING FOX NEWS.
47 MINUTES!
I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE ON THE PHONE THAT LONG.
MY PARENTS LIVE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY AND IF I'M ON THE PHONE
WITH THEM FOR 47 MINUTES I'M LIKE, "UH HUH.
OKAY.
WELL, I'VE GOT TO-- UH HUH.
OH, OKAY.
WELL, I'VE GOT TO-- NO, GO AHEAD."
AND THEN I JUST END UP GOING, "UH, YOU'RE BREAKING UP."
AND THEN I JUST HANG UP.
AND THIS WAS AN ODD MOMENT DURING THE CALL.
AFTER TRUMP WAS ASKED ABOUT THE RECENT FOREST FIRES ON THE WEST
COAST, HE RESPONDED BY COMPARING TREES IN THE UNITED STATES TO
THE TREES IN EUROPE, AND HAD THIS TO SAY.
>> YOU HAVE FORESTS ALL OVER THE WORLD.
YOU DON'T HAVE FIRES LIKE YOU DO IN CALIFORNIA.
IN EUROPE THEY HAVE FOREST CITIES.
YOU LOOKT A COUNTRIES, AUSTRIA.
YOU LOOK AT SO MANY COUNTRIES, THEY LIVE IN THE FOREST, THEY'RE
CONSIDERED FOREST CITIES, SO MANY OF THEM, AND THEY DON'T
HAVE FIRES LIKE THIS, AND THEY HAVE MORE EXPLOSIVE TREES.
>> JAMES: "MORE EXPLOSIVE TREES."
YOU KNOW THOSE HOSTS ARE LIKE "DO WE TELL HIM?"
"NAH, JUST LET HIM GO WITH EXPLODING TREES BEING A THING."
FOREST CITIES.
EXPLOSIVE TREES.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT, BUT PUT VIN DIESEL IN
THAT MOVIE AND I WOULD 100% WATCH IT.
BY THE WAY, "EXPLOSIVE TREES" ALSO SOUNDS LIKE THE NEW STRAIN
OF WEED YOUR STEP-BROTHER HAS STARTED SELLING OUT OF HIS VAN.
TRUMP ALSO USED HIS TIME ON FOX AND FRIENDS TO REPEAT HIS
PROPOSAL THAT HE AND JOE BIDEN TAKE A DRUG TEST BEFORE THE
DEBATES, AND MADE A PRETTY BOLD ACCUSATION AGAINST BIDEN.
TAKE A LOOK.
> YOU HAVE SUGGESTED THAT JOE BIDEN SHOULD TAKE A DRUG TEST.
>> I DO.
I WOULD TAKE ONE, TOO.
YEAH, I WOULD -- >> DO YOU THINK HE'S TAKING SOME
SORT OF DRUGS TO PEP HIM UP?
>> I DO.
HE'S TAKING SOMETHING.
HE'S TAKING SOMETHING OR -- YOU KNOW, GIVES HIM SOME CLARITY.
>> James: GOOD, WE COULD USE SOME CLARITY IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT IT MAKES SENSE THAT TRUMP
THINKS EVERYONE'S TAKING DRUGS.
IT'S SOMETHING YOU JUST ASSUME WHEN YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE
WHO BEHAVE LIKE THIS.
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LEADERS AND FIGHTERS FOR FREEDOM AND
LIBERTY AND THE AMERICAN DREAM, THE BEST -- IS YET -- TO COME!
>> JAMES: OH, THE CLARITY.
( LAUGHTER ) PRESIDENT TRUMP CONCLUDED THE
INTERVIEW BY SAYING HE PLANNED TO MAKE CALLING INTO FOX NEWS A
WEEKLY EVENT, AND THE RESPONSE WAS, WELL, AWKWARD.
HAVE A LOOK.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR STARTING YOUR DAY WITH "FOX
& FRIENDS."
>> OKAY, IT'S BEEN GREAT, THANK YOU.
>> WE'LL DO IT EVERY WEEK?
WE GOING TO DO IT EVERY WEEK?
>> I LOOK FORWARD TO IT, YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO DO IT EVERY WEEK.
EVERY MONDAY, THEY SAID.
IF WE CAN'T DO IT ON A MONDAY, WE'LL DO IT ON A TUESDAY LIKE WE
DID TODAY.
>> SOUNDS GOOD.
MR. PRESIDENT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU MAY WANT TO DO IT EVERY WEEK, BUT FOX HAS NOT COMMITTED
TO THAT.
WE'RE GOING TO TAKE IT ON A BASE CASE-BY-CASE BASIS AND JOE
BIDEN IS WELCOME AS WELL TO JOIN US FOR 47 MINUTES, JUST LIKE WE
DID WITH THE PRESIDENT.
( APPLAUSE ) >> James: I THINK TRUMP JUST
GOT FOXEN FRIEND-ZONED.
THERE'S AN AD CALLING ON PEOPLE TO SUPPORT OUR TROOPS.
BUT HERE'S THE THING, THE AD USES A PHOTO FEATURING FIGHTER
JETS AND WEAPONS USED BY THE RUSSIANS.
I WAS LOOKING AT THE STORY AND THOUGHT, IF THIS WAS A SITCOM,
IF YOU AND ME WERE PITCHING A SITCOM AND OUR MAIN CHARACTER
HAD TIES TO RUSSIA AND WAS ALSO THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES AND THEN SAID IN EPISODE 7, HE PUTS FORTH A PHOTO SAYING
SUPPORT OUR TROOPS AND IT'S RUSSIAN JETS AND SOLDIER, WEB,
LIKE, NO ONE WOULD DO THAT.
IT'S TOO FAR FETCHED.
( LAUGHTER ) MAYBE THE GRAPHIC DESIGNER WAS
ON A TIGHT DEADLINE.
YOU KNOW, HE OR SHE WAS JUST...
RUSHIN'.
GET IT, GUYS?
RUSHIN'?
AM I ON MUTE?
>> Reggie: NICE.
>> James: IS THIS WORKING?
GUYS?
DID YOU -- >> Reggie: NICE.
>> James: DID YOU HEAR WHAT I -- YOU HEARD IT, RIGHT, HAGAR?
>> I WAS LAUGHING.
THAT WAS FUNNY.
>> James: DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT.
SUSAN.
SUSAN WILL BE HONEST.
>> YES.
>> James: SUSAN, DID YOU GET THE JOKE.
>> YES, IT WAS HILARIOUS.
I LAUGHED.
>> James: NO, BECAUSE, SUSAN, I DON'T THINK YOU COMPLETELY GOT
IT BECAUSE WHAT IT IS -- LET ME GO BACK.
THE PICTURE, THEY ARE RUSSIAN, JUST REMEMBER THAT, RUSSIAN, AND
THEN I SAID THE GRAPHIC DESIGNER WAS PROBABLY RUSHIN'.
>> IN A HURRY, YES.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: THAT'S WHAT I'M
SAYING.
I THINK IT'S -- ( WHISTLES )
-- IT'S GONE OVER YOUR HEADS.
AND HERE'S SOME ODD NEWS.
THE CITY OF OPALOCKA, FLORIDA, JUST OVERTURNED A 13-YEAR BAN
ON-- AND WE'RE NOT MAKING THIS UP-- SAGGY PANTS.
I'M GLAD THIS LAW IS OVERTURNED.
FINALLY, FLORIDA SENIORS ARE FREE TO GO BACK TO THEIR JENCO
GENES.
>> Reggie: OH, MY GOD.
WOW.
IT WAS AN UPHILL BATTLE GETTING THIS DONE.
YOU KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO REPEAL A LAW AGAINST SHOWING YOUR
UNDERWEAR?
LEGAL BRIEFS.
(RIMSHOT) HE LOST IT WITH THE RUSHIN' BUT
BACK WITH THE LEGAL BRIEFS.
( LAUGHTER ) AND FINALLY, WE HAD TO TELL YOU
ABOUT THIS.
REESE'S IS INTRODUCING A NEW BIG CUP, WHICH IS A PEANUT BUTTER
CUP WITH PIECES OF POTATO CHIPS.
THIS SEEMS LIKE THE RIGHT PRODUCT FOR THE RIGHT TIME.
CHECK OUT THE SLOGAN THEY'RE USING TO LAUNCH THIS PRODUCT.
THE HELL WITH IT, IT'S 2020.