( music playing )
Every year for Halloween I send my executive producer, Andy,
to a haunted house.
( laughter and cheering )
( applause )
He gets so scared that I have to send someone to hold his hand.
And this year one of my viewers suggested
that I send Sarah Paulson.
I don't know if you remember, but I scared Sarah Paulson
not one, not two, but three times.
( laughter )
Since she was so brave, I sent her and Andy
to the Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights
American Horror Story Maze.
( music playing )
Hi, Ellen.
- Sarah Paulson. - Hi.
You know her. We love her.
Ridiculously talented actress.
I'm not sure what love means to you people.
So here we are and--
Just keep talking for a long time,
because then we don't have to go in.
We are at the American Horror Story Haunted House,
so you're obviously familiar with what's going to happen.
And so, you're going to take the lead.
No, I'm not.
Here's my advice--
( laughs ) You're giving me advice?
You're the worst.
I know what's gonna happen, you're gonna jump and squeal,
and you're gonna make noises like my grandma.
Okay, so now we just stay calm.
I really don't want--
How much far into it does it start?
( laughter )
It's wrong.
I need you to be strong one!
All right, well, you've picked the wrong girl!
Just try and toughen up.
I'm really am gonna puke--
Listen, if you're the tough one...
( laughs ) it makes for better TV.
Okay.
I'll try to do that 'cause I definitely
want to give you good television.
( laughter )
Andy: Okay.
Wait, is something going to happen right away?
No, no, no. They never hit you right away.
How do you know?
'cause I've done these every year.
( screaming )
Ahh!
Andy: Okay. So that's it.
They're spreading it out. Not real.
- ( scream ) - ( bleep ) you!
God ( bleep ).
That is-- ( screams ).
This was really bad so far to me.
I didn't expect that second one to be real.
Ahh!
Stop, you need to be calmer.
I really, I thought there was something.
Okay, no.
They're not doing paintings this year.
Painting. Real.
( screaming )
Andy: Okay. Oh, cute.
- ( screaming ) - ( screams )
Hi.
What was that?
Recording:
See the sound sometimes throws you off.
- ( screaming ) - ( bleep )
( whimpering )
Okay, I'm back.
Yeah, you ( bleep ) ( bleep ).
- Wait you guys. - Okay, table.
( screams )
( whimpering ) Who is it? Who is it?
They never do it twice,
so now we know, to the right.
They never do it twice.
I feel... ( stammering ) unaccompanied.
- I'm here! - I don't feel you are.
But they won't do it again they never do it twice.
- ( roaring scream ) - Ahh!
- Andy... - They knew.
If you're gonna lie to me this is not gonna go well.
That's no supposed to be that way,
and I'm gonna talk to supervisors.
- ( screams ) - Ahh!
- No! - Okay. Good. Fine.
Come this way.
I don't think I should follow you anymore.
Do you want to leave?
Okay, I feel like we can all--
( screams )
Andy. Oh, my God.
- Is there more? - No.
Nothing.
( laughing ) Something's gonna happen.
( whimpering )
- Painting. Real. - ( screams )
( screaming )
Come on. The sooner we're done.
This is the guy who works here, this guy works here.
- He's our safety. - Look at my hair.
Look how serious he is.
Oh, there's no fun with this one.
- You shouldn't be scared. - Why? Why?
- I'm not into these. I'm not into these. - No.
Because you don't know what's coming.
- ( pig grunting ) - Watch, see that hole?
- Wait, just-- - Watch that hole.
- Ahh! - No!
Okay. Is this almost--
Ahh!
Andy: Okay, just look for props.
Props are fine. Just props.
Ahh! Go away!
Andy: We're good. We're almost done.
How do you know?
I feel like we've been in here a week.
Hey!
That is an axe and it's unacceptable. And you go back.
- ( growling ) - Ahh!
What the ( bleep )!
Oh, sorry you're not getting your shot.
Stop it!
You came out here already!
Like five times!
( squealing )
That's it. Nailed it.
We did it!
I'm not going to say it gets to be more fun every year, Ellen,
but Sarah was a real trooper in there.
- No, I wasn't. - You were terrible.
- ( screams ) - Oh, god!
( indistinct muttering )
I'm not happy with you.
What do you want to say to Ellen?
Ellen? Who the ( bleep ) is Ellen.
( laughter )
Also, I'm coming for you.
- We're coming for you. - Coming for you.
( cheers and applause )
Thank you, Andy. Thank you, Sarah.
Tell everybody what you are.
- Daft Pumpkin! - Daft Pumpkin.
( music playing )
- ( scream ) - Oh, my God!
What the ( bleep )?
( cat mimicking human "no" )
( music playing )
There is nothing cuter than a kid in costume.
There really is nothing cuter than a little kid in costume.
( audience cheering )
Tell everybody who you are.
- Daft Pumpkin! - Daft Pumpkin.
( applause )
Oh!
Yes!
Daft pumpkin.
( cheers and applause )
( laughter )
- Hi, what's your name? - Ethan.
- What are you? - Uh...
D'oh. Forgot.
You're a bachelor in paradise.
- Yeah - Yeah, okay.
All right.
( laughter )
What are you?
I am Steve Harvin's mustache.
Steven Harvin's mustache.
Yeah.
- What are you? - A piece of cake.
You're a piece of cake?
- And grande cup. - You're a grande coffee.
Okay, I'm going to make you more current.
You're Ariana Grande, now.
All right?
And...
you are cake by the ocean.
- And you're a magician right? - Right.
All right. But, show everybody what else you can be.
( laughter )
( cheers and applause )
See now...
you're Magic Mike. See?
Who are you?
- Ryan Lochte. - That's right.
Ryan, lock, tea.
( applause )
Whoa.
( laughter )
( cheers and applause )
I'm Snooki's poof.
That's Snooki down there.
Oh! ( laughing )
( music playing )
All right, let's get real!
Oh, you're gonna get real tired of being really--
real.
I'm Dr. Phil.
( cheers and applause )
Sabrina.
My evil twin sister.
Looks like I'll be hosting your Halloween show, Sissy.
( evil laughter )
( music playing )
- I'm J-Lo. - ( cheers and applause )
I'm Jennifer Lopez.
I'm Jenny from the block, and by the way, I am not pregnant.
I'm not.
( music playing )
I'm dressed as "O Magazine."
This is what we do when we hang out.
We just push each other on swings
and sometimes we play in her bouncy castle.
And it's Oprah, it's a real castle.
It's not bouncy.
In case you don't know, I'm Snooki's poof.
That's Snooki down there.
Okay. I was almost late for the show,
'cause I didn't take into account
how long it takes to gym, tan, and laundry everybody.
I'm Sophie Grace, and I can't do this
without my cousin, my hype-girl.
Come on out here, Rosie.
Boom ba doom boom boom ba doom doom. You got that super bass.
That boom-ba-doom--
I'm just gonna do it to her all show long,
because this is so uncomfortable for her.
My name is Sofia Vergara.
( cheers and applause )
I know.
Your ass looks huge.
( laughter )
Of course, I'm Nicki Minaj.
( cheers and applause )
Nicki was on the show a few weeks ago,
and her shirt was not.
Here are my boom booms.
And here's my super bass.
( cheers and applause )
( "Here Comes the Bride" playing )
You can probably tell who I am.
I'm Amal the luckiest woman in the world.
Mrs. George Clooney.
( cheers and applause )
I got to use a carpool lane, today. So, that's good.
I'm Sia, and the problem is I can't really see ya.
Please welcome, my Maddie for the day, Heidi Klum.
( cheers and applause )
( music playing )
I do pretend-- ( screams )
Trick or treat.
( both screaming )
( cat mimicking human "no" )
( music playing )
♪ When your day is long ♪
( screams )
♪ And the night ♪
♪
- ( scream ) - ( scream )
Ahh! You son of a ( bleep )!
♪ Don't let yourself go ♪
( both screaming )
- What if it was like a really-- - A cute little white mouse?
- Yeah. - Ahh!
- ( scream ) - Oh, my God!
I'm going to be Elsa-- ( screaming ) Oh, my God!
♪
- ( scream ) - Oh, my God!
♪ Sometimes ♪
Oh, my God.
( music playing )
Man:
Do you believe in ghosts?
Yeah, sure.
- ( scream ) - ( scream )
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
♪
- I-- - ( scream )
Oh, my God!
What the ( bleep )?
Where's that guy? Bring him back.
...at that age.
Where you're actually--
- ( scream ) - ( screams )
- ( grunts ) - ( laughing )
( applause )
( grunting )
Finally! Finally!
- Y'all want to hang out here? - Okay.
( screams ) Oh, God that was so--
Why do you guys do that?
You have a little something in your--
- Where? - ( screams )
( screams )
( laughter )
I do pretend I-- ( screams )
( beep ) you!
Trick or treat.
( both screaming )
I don't know what it should be but--
- ( yelling ) - ( scream )
Oh, my God! Stop it!
- ( yelling ) - ( screaming, laughing )
That's great. Yeah, I mean we--
- ( yells ) - Oh, Jesus ( bleep ).
Oh! ( laughing )
( music playing )
( cat meows )
( laughter )
( hissing sound )
( hissing )
( music playing )
Pow.
( cat mimicking human "no" )