NOW, FOLKS, CHRISTMASTIME IS A WONDERFUL TIME OF YEAR, BUT THE
HOLIDAYS CAN BE STRESSFUL, ESPECIALLY WITH TRUMP AS
PRESIDENT.
AND MANY OF OUR GO-TO HOLIDAY TRADITIONS DON'T ACCURATELY
REFLECT THE NATIONAL MOOD, SO, WITH THAT IN MIND, THE LITTLE
ELVES HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW" CAME UP WITH A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
TAILOR MADE FOR THESE TRYING TIMES.
I AM PROUD TO PRESENT A HOLIDAY CLASSIC "A VERY SPECIAL COUNSEL
CHRISTMAS."
♪ ♪ ♪ >> HO-HO-HO.
ALRIGHT, LET'S FINISH THESE LETTERS THEN GET BACK TO THE
WORKSHOP.
AND BUILD THOSE TOYS QUICK BECAUSE AMAZON IS GOING TO PUT
US OUT OF BUSINESS.
HOW DO THEY DELIVER SO FAST WITHOUT GOING THROUGH CHIMNEYS?
>> DEAR SANTA, WHY DO YOU HAVE A BEARD?
>> WHY, TO KEEP MY ROSY CHEEKS WARM!
HO-HO-HO!
STILL GOT IT.
>> DEAR SANTA, WHY DO YOU WEAR RED?
>> BECAUSE RED IS THE JOLLIEST COLOR!
AND, IN THE EVENT OF AN AVALANCHE, RESCUERS CAN FIND MY
BODY IN THE SNOW.
>> DEAR LYING SANTA...
>> WHAT?
>> YOU'RE FIRED.
SINCERELY, DONALD J. TRUMP.
P.S. WHY DIDN'T I GET MY BORDER WALL LAST YEAR?
>> SANTA, COME QUICK!
YOU'RE ALL OVER CNN!
>> KRIS KRINGLE, ALSO KNOWN AS SANTA CLAUS, HAS BEEN FIRED JUST
DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
THIS REPORTER HOPES IT DOES NOT JEOPARDIZE THE CHOO-CHOO TRAIN
HE ASKED FOR THIS CHRISTMAS.
WE GO NOW, LIVE, TO THE PRESIDENT.
>> WE NEED A SANTA THAT PUTS AMERICA FIRST, FOLKS.
OTHER COUNTRIES ARE GETTING PRESENTS WITHOUT PAYING THEIR
FAIR SHARE.
THAT'S WHY I'M APPOINTING A NEW ACTING SANTA CLAUS.
MR. RICK... I FORGOT HIS LAST NAME.
DOESN'T MATTER.
HE'S THE BEARDED GUY I SEE AT ALL MY RALLIES, RICK CLAUS,
EVERYBODY!
>> NO COLLUSION!
MAGA!
HILLARY IS A LIZARD LADY!
(
THIS IS AGAINST THE CONSTITUTION.
AHA.
ARTICLE FIVE: A DULY APPOINTED SANTA CLAUS, CONFIRMED BY THE
SENATE, CANNOT BE DISCHARGED OF HIS DUTIES... UNLESS THE
PRESIDENT WANTS TO.
OKAY, OKAY, BUT, SURELY THEY'LL LET ME FINISH UP ONE LAST
CHRISTMAS.
(
>> HELLO, MUNCHKINS!
>> WE'RE ELVES, YOU BIGOT!
>> I COME IN PEACE.
THAT'S WHAT WE CALL THIS HELICOPTER.
YOU'VE ALL BEEN REASSIGNED.
YOU'RE GOING TO THE BORDER TO STOP THE CARAVAN.
>> AAH, GET YOUR JINGLING MITTENS OFF ME!
>> GUMDROP!
MUFFET!
LEGOLAS!
TONY!
GOD DAMN YOU, RICK!
>> STAND DOWN, KRINGLE.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, GO-GO-GO!
>> THAT'S HO-HO-HO!
(
♪ YOU BETTER NOT POUT YOU BETTER NOT CRY
(
HUH?
MUELLER?
>> KRINGLE.
>> WHAT IN THE CHESTNUTS ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>> I CAME AS SOON AS I HEARD.
YOU'RE NOT BACK ON THE MILK, ARE YOU?
>> I... I'VE GOT IT UNDER CONTROL.
>> COME HERE, BUDDY.
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME, KRIS.
>> YEAH, SINCE 'NAM.
>> YOU SAVED MY ASS BACK THERE.
>> I LOVE THE SMELL OF NUTMEG IN THE MORNING.
SMELLS LIKE...
>> VICTORY.
>> WELL, I'D LIKE TO RETURN THE FAVOR.
I'M HERE TO GET YOUR JOB BACK.
>> THANKS, BOBBY, BUT HE'S THE PRESIDENT.
WHAT CAN WE DO?
>> WE CAN THROW THE BOOK AT HIM.
THAT BOOK!
>> BUILD THAT WALL!
YEP, RIGHT ON SCHEDULE, PRESIDENT T.
LOOKS LIKE WE'RE READY FOR THE BIG RALLY TONIGHT.
EVEN GEORGE SOROS CAN'T STOP US NOW!
>> HMM, THESE ARE ALL BAD.
>> YEAH, HE STOLE LITTLE TIMMY'S LOLLIPOP IN 2ND GRADE.
>> I'M SORRY, KRINGLE, BUT WE NEED HARD EVIDENCE OF COLLUSION.
>> YO-HO!
I GOT YOUR EVIDENCE OF COLLUSION RIGHT HERE.
>> THE PEE-PEE TAPE?
>> BUT HOW?
>> SANTA, REMEMBER WHEN I WAS STATIONED AS AN ELF ON THE SHELF
IN MOSCOW?
>> OF COURSE.
>> WELL...
OH, DISGUSTING!
NOT THE PILLOW, NOT THE PILLOW!
THIS NAILS HIM, FELLAS.
BELIEVE ME, UGH.
>> SO, BOB, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
>> I WOULDN'T NORMALLY OPERATE THIS WAY, BUT IF WE'RE GOING TO
SAVE CHRISTMAS WE NEED TO LEAK THAT TAPE.
(
>> WELCOME TO OUR CONTINUING LIVE COVERAGE OF PRESIDENT
TRUMP'S OPERATION "FELIZ NAVI- DON'T" WHERE RICK CLAUS HAS
CONSTRUCTED A WALL BUILT OUT OF PRESENTS MEANT FOR ALL THE GOOD
LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS.
STILL NO WORD ON MY CHOO-CHOO TRAIN.
>> WE BUILT THE WALL, AND WE MADE THE NORTH POLE PAY FOR IT,
FOLKS.
>> ON DASHER!
COME IN, GUMDROP.
ARE YOU IN POSITION?
>> YOU BET, SANTA.
>> LET'S KNOCK 'EM RIGHT IN THE ORNAMENTS.
>> AND NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, RICK, WILL YOU ADO THE HONORS?
>> MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO IMMIGRANTS: STAY OUT.
>> THERE YOU HAVE IT.
DONALD TRUMP FINALLY COMPLETING HIS WALL AND-- WAIT, WHAT'S
THIS?
>> OH, GOD.
HELLO, I AM DONALD TRUMP, AND I AM HIRING PROSTITUTES TO PEE ON
THIS BED.
I REALLY SHOULD NOT HAVE NARRATED.
HAIR LOOKS GOOD, THOUGH.
I WILL LATER COLLUDE WITH VLADIMIR PUTIN TO BECOME
PRESIDENT.
I AM GUILTY.
>> I THINK WE CAN RIDE THIS ONE OUT.
>> THAT'S ENOUGH!
SOMEBODY SHUT IT OFF!
>> HO-HO-HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS!
>> SANTA-- AND ROBERT MUELLER?
HE IS REAL.
>> LET'S GIVE THEM THEIR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS, KRINGLE.
>> HEY, DONNY, SORRY ABOUT YOUR WALL!
BUT WE DID GET YOU SOME MATCHING CHRISTMAS PAJAMAS.
>> OH, MAN, THEY MUST'VE FOUND THE PANDAS I STOLE.
>> WHAT A SHOCKING TURN OF EVENTS.
I-- MY CHOO-CHOO TRAIN.
BREAKING NEWS: MY HEART IS BURSTING WITH JOY.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-- ANDERSON.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> IT WAS ALL JUST A DREAM.
OF COURSE IT WAS, BOB.
(
>> DEAR BOB, SOMETHING TO HELP YOU WRITE THE MOST IMPORTANT
NAUGHTY LIST OF ALL.
KRIS.
>> SON OF AN ELF.
>> P.S. HEH, LEAK.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
(
EVERY ONE!
SPECIAL THANKS TO THE FOLKS OVER AT "OUR CARTOON PRESIDENT" WHO
HELPED WITH THE ANIMATION.
GO GET THEIR FIRST SEASON D.V.D.
NOW!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOHN C.
REILLY.