And now live from the JFK international airport New York
Ladies and gentlemen it's the Green Card Game Show.
That's right folks it's the game show where contestants from all over the world
battle it out to win permanent residency to the United States of America.
Joining us on tonight's show, all the way from the Republic of Ireland,
it's Paddy O'Grady!
Oh Jesus, hello, how are ya?
(Incoherent mumbling)
I'm Irish.
And now all the way from Moscow Russia
it's Petrov Makailochov!
Da.
Well folks here is how the game show works.
For every correct answer our contestants give
they are allowed to take one step forward
towards the United States border.
But before we begin on tonights show lets get to know our contestants a little bit more.
So Paddy, you're very welcome along to the Green Card Game Show.
Ahhh well fair play to ya,
(Incoherent mumbling)
I'm Irish.
You know I'm actually Irish myself.
False!
What?
Oh no.
Final answer.
Sorry Paddy, the game show hasn't started yet so...
Oh right.
For the purposes of immigration please state your full name.
Patrick O'Grady.
And any other previous names you may have held.
Eeeehhhhh, Paddy and Pat.
Very good thank you.
Oh and Two Pats.
Pat me Hard.
Ehhh Patagonia.
Pat the Baker.
Pats the way uhuh uhuh...
and some of the lads call me Captain Birdseye.
Oh Captain Birdseye.
Well perhaps you were involved in the military?
I like fish fingers.
Oh well... don't we all.
Now Petrov Machailochov, am I saying that correctly?
Yes in Russia I am Petrov Machailochov.
Very good.
In England I am Richard Swinton
and in Ireland I am Seamus O'CaoilainMacNahunachagusansinmásédothoilé.
Well folks that's all I needed to know.
It's round one on the Green Card Game Show.
The first question tonight will go to Paddy.
Paddy when is Independence Day?
This Thursday on RTE2.
No I was looking, of course, for the 4th of July.
We go over now to Petrov.
Petrov, in 2017, who was the highest selling musical artist in the United States?
Ariana Grande.
Is the correct answer!
Very well played, take a step forward please sir.
Wonderful work there from our Russian friend.
We go back now to Paddy.
Paddy,
which bird is the national symbol of the United Sates?
Pamela Anderson!
What?
No.
I was looking for the bald headed eagle.
Oh sorry, Brittany Spears!
Brittany Spears!
No, no, Paddy, I've given you the answer.
Oh Jesus, I'll take a step forward.
No, no, no!
Fair play to ya now.
Sorry, Paddy, Paddy, just stay where you were
you didn't get it right so...
Oh Jesus, right yeah.
Look it, I'll take a step backwards so.
Oh no, no, you can just stay where you were.
Oh Jesus now, I tell ya...
Paddy?
Go on now...
(Incoherent mumbling)
I'm sorry?
(More incoherent mumbling)
Paddy?
(More mumbling)
There's no words there Paddy
(Again more mumbling)
I'll take another step backwards so
Ok! Very good, ok.
We go back to Petrov.
Petrov, Michael Jordan scored a record number of points for which American basketball team?
You need to speak louder.
MICHAEL JORDAN...
I wasn't talking to you!
Vladamir, I can't hear you.
Ehh I'm afraid that's incorrect, we go back to Paddy.
Paddy, on the UN list of Super powers the United States is listed as no.1 can you name
me one other super power?
Invisibility.
That's is incorrect.
Ok folks that means that at the end of round one Petrov in a commanding lead mostly because
Paddy kept on stepping backwards.
Now before we continue with round two we're going to get to know our contestants a little
bit more so Paddy join me back in the centre here and we're just going to check some things
out with you.
Now, on your immigration form you listed your special skill as 'Feigning ignorance when
dealing with the authorities'
Ooohhh.....
did I now?
Oh yes, it's just here on the form.
Well that has knocked me six altogether.
Oh really?
That's not you there?
No, no, it wasn't Pertov by any chance now?
No it wasn't me.
My special skill is denying facts in the face of irrefutable evidence.
That is true Petrov, you put that on your form just here.
No I did not.
Well no you did, because you just said you did.
Prove it.
I think we got playback...
You are mistaken.
I don't think we are...
We were just visiting the cathedral.
Eh excuse me?
Ehhh, Petrov?
Petrov?
I won, prove it.
Ok well I guess I can't.
Ok folks that means that it's round two.
Which of course is the quick fire round.
Contestants join me in the centre with your fingers on those buzzers.
Quickest answer wins.
Question number one!
*BUZZER* Abraham Lincoln.
Is the correct answer!
Unbelievable.
Question Two
*BUZZER* Ben and Jerry's Tooty Fruity Ice Cream.
Correct again.
Question Three
*BUZZER* I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
Is the correct answer!
Question four
*BUZZER* Ooops my finger slipped.
That's ok we pass it across to Petrov.
Vladamir I can't hear you.
I'm afraid that's incorrect, we go to Paddy now with the opportunity to steal.
I am not a crook!
Correct!
It's Richard Nixon.
Paddy back in the game.
Question number five
*BUZZER* Ooops I did it again.
Correct.
it's Brittany Spears!
Paddy right back in this game.
The scores are now neck and neck going into the final question.
Both contestants need this to gain access to the United States of America.
The final question, here it comes!
Just do it!
Correct, it's the Nike slogan!
Unbelievable work!
Welcome to the United States of America Paddy O'Grady.
This is bullshit!
Wow, what a turnaround
Wow!
Ahh Jesus! I'm Irish
Thanks Seamus, yeah we got it.
Fair play to ya, yeah.
Good man, good man