Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another live stream here on my channel.
I'm Rebecca Zung and I'm so excited to welcome you all here today to another one of my YouTube
Lives, where I get to go live, get to connect with all of you on a personal basis and answer
some of your questions.
On Tuesdays, I go live at noon Pacific, and I do my famous AAA session, which is Ask the
Attorney Anything.
And on Thursdays, I've been doing a little narcissism 101, sort of the glossary, the
basic language.
I have a private Facebook group, and a lot of people are asking questions about what's
gas lighting or what's love bombing, that sort of thing.
So I've been making videos and doing these little Q&As and YouTube Live so that I can
answer these questions for you guys.
So if you haven't subscribed to my channel yet, this is a great time to do that.
Subscribe and hit the notification bell, and that way you'll get notified when I do go
live, and then hopefully I can answer some of your questions.
Obviously, it's a lot more people than I can answer questions for, but a lot of times your
questions are actually very similar to what other people have questions about as well.
So it's often really helpful to just hear what other people's questions are and what
my answers are for them.
So I'm seeing, you guys, some of you here.
I see somebody from Louisiana, Nancy from Illinois.
I see Craig who says, "I am a scapegoat, and how do I get out of the scapegoat role?"
Yeah.
Okay, so we are going to talk about the scapegoat today and what is the scapegoat for a narcissist?
The scapegoat is the person that unfortunately gets the brunt of the narcissist's wrath a
lot of the time.
This is the person that in the family becomes the target of the narcissist's ... They shove
off all of their responsibility, anything that happens bad, anything that goes wrong,
it's always that particular person's fault.
For whatever reason, they just choose that person to be the person that is targeted more
heavily than other people.
And a lot of times you see it in families where a parent has chosen one of their children
be a scapegoat.
That can be really, really tragic and very sad and horrific.
But a lot of times it's the spouse, the person that's closest to them.
The person that they choose as a scapegoat is very often similar to how they choose targets
to begin with, which is, are they going to be able to control that person?
Are they going to be able to get supply from that person?
Because oftentimes the scapegoat is the empathic person, the kind person, the good person,
the one who's easier to push off everything onto, because they're not going to expose
the narcissist the same way that somebody else might.
They'll just take it.
They'll continue to say, "What can I do for you?
How can I make it better?"
Those kinds of things.
So Jennifer says, "I'm the scapegoat."
I hate to hear that.
I know I was just actually doing a mediation for one of my clients, and she was talking
about how her one daughter was the scapegoat.
And her daughter's now in her 30s and having to deal with the aftermath of being raised
by a malignant narcissistic father who chose her as the scapegoat for many, many years.
When you are dealing with narcissists, you're dealing with somebody who has very little
to no sense of self.
Their egos are extremely fragile.
So they're looking for ways to blame other people for anything that happens.
They don't want to have to take responsibility for anything.
So they look around the landscape to say, "Who can I blame this on?"
And they're going to pick the person who's probably least likely to stand up to them
and say, "Uh-uh (negative).
Ain't me."
They might be more likely to say, "Well, it wasn't me, but okay, I'll just go along with
this because I don't want to have to deal with the conflict."
And it might be the person who might be more likely to enable that narcissist into saying
maybe the narcissist has a lot of stress at work or they have too much going on, and that's
why they behaved the way they did.
So they tend to almost punish the people who are the kindest to them, who love them the
most, who are the most giving.
It's a really sick thing because it's like instead of appreciating and loving that person
back and understanding how blessed they are to have that love and that attention, they
almost punish the person closest to them, or the kindest person, or the person who gives
them the most unconditional love by treating them the most poorly.
It probably has something to do with their own lack of self-esteem, their own lack of
self-worth.
Maybe subconsciously they think, "Well, there must be something wrong with you if you're
so nice to me."
Because obviously they don't have any inner sense of self-worth.
I'm looking at your comments now.
Patricia says, "I was the scapegoat.
My parents were both narcissists."
Both narcissists.
You have to do a lot of healing when your parents were both narcissists, so I send you
a lot of light, becoming the caregiving adult almost to yourself, to that inner child within
yourself that never got your needs met, never got the love that you should have had because
your parents were both broken.
I mean, in a lot of ways, these are people that are just broken, and they're not fixable.
Something happened to them when they were children.
They were traumatized in some way or overly ... Maybe the parents overindulged them in
some way.
Either overindulgence, neglect, trauma, something like that, that caused the child to kind of
separate from their own sense of self and decide that the world is not a good place,
that you have to survive.
And so if you're a child of narcissists, here you are, born with needs because you're a
child, and you are in the care of somebody who doesn't have the ability to meet other
people's needs because the only thing they know is sucking energy from the people around
them.
So they almost resent, or they do resent, people who have needs.
They resent if you get upset, if you're crying, if you're sick.
They can't stand it because somebody else wants attention and they just don't have the
ability to give it to you.
They don't have the ability to give empathy.
They completely lack empathy.
So Cece says, "Both of my parents were narcs too."
I hate to hear that.
Lenny says, "I noticed there was one thumbs down from this topic and I'm certain it must
be from a narcissist."
You know, there's always one or two.
I don't know if it's the same narcissist that always does that or if it's different ones,
but it's okay.
As long as I'm helping the majority of you, that's my goal, and helping you to escape
and giving you real tools and actually things that you can actually use to start taking
steps toward your freedom and breaking free from that narcissist in your life.
So I wanted to just take a look and see where some of you all are watching me from.
This community, my community, is literally all over the world.
Last week I had somebody who was ... I had to look up to see where the country was.
I had never even heard of it.
So literally, from all over the world.
Narcissism knows no bounds.
We are in another pandemic and I call it the pandemic of narcissism.
So if you want more support and you haven't joined my private Facebook group yet, come
on over and join me.
It's free.
It's private.
It's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung.
And tons of support, I mean, hundreds and hundreds, maybe even thousands of posts in
there a day of people who are venting, hurting, looking for help, looking for support, and
lots and lots of people there to talk to who are dealing with exactly what you're dealing
with.
So come on over and join me in that.
If you haven't downloaded my free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet, you can definitely
do that too.
That's at winmynegotiation.com, and we'll also drop a link to it below.
And if you haven't subscribed to my channel, do that now.
Subscribe, hit the notification bell, and that way, when I go live like this, you'll
be notified and you get to participate in my AAA session on Tuesdays.
And when I upload new content and interviews and all kinds of things going on here on this
channel, you'll get notified of that as well.
So I am so grateful that I get to have the opportunity to be here and connect with you
guys.
And I get so many amazing touching comments, emails, and messages from you every day, all
day.
Just know that my heart is with you.
I send you light and peace, and I will continue to make content for you so that you can be
empowered and inspired to break free from that narcissist in your life.
So thanks for joining me on this episode of Negotiate Your Best Life.
I'm Rebecca Zung, and I will see you in the next episode.
Thanks so much.