- On the count of five, four, three, two, one,
your ears are wide open.
You can hear your mother saying something right now,
about playing with you.
What's she saying?
So, your mother's going to go in a minute.
Is there anything, Noel, you want to ask her,
tell her, say to her, before she has to leave?
- I forgive you.
- So, when you say to yourself, "I want complete health,"
what does that mean?
- Well, I want to be healed.
I was diagnosed
with Lyme disease. - Oh, okay.
- And fibroid tumors. - Hold on,
healed from Lyme disease,
now we're getting there,
and fibroid tumors. - Fibroid tumors.
- It's very hard when people get cancer, they go, "Well, you know,
"I read somewhere that, 'You've given that to yourself,'"
and that that's a terrible thing to tell someone,
"or, 'You must be creating this.'
"'You've got so many illnesses that,
"'have you ever thought that you're creating them?'"
That's really offensive and very hard to hear.
And I don't believe that.
But I do believe that sometimes things happen in our past
that cause us to get ill.
What I need you to do is make yourself comfortable.
You might want to lie back
so that your neck is supported, uncross your ankles.
Yeah.
The fact that your eyelids are closed, shut the way they are,
is showing me already that you're a great subject.
Because to be a great subject means one thing,
"Am I accepting a suggestion?
"Am I following your suggestion?"
You certainly are.
Right now, I'm going to count back to a scene, place,
event, and time that is all to do with how, why, where,
and, absolutely, when something happened
to affect your immune system.
Yes, you had the tick and the mold and the fibroid.
But you and I know that you could get a tick
and never get Lyme,
you could be in mold and never get toxic mold syndrome.
Then again, you can.
This scene, Noel, where you are right now,
is it daytime or nighttime?
- Daytime.
- Are you inside or outside?
- I'm in the house by myself, but someone else is,
my mom is there.
- How old are you about?
- I think I'm four.
- You said you're by yourself, but your mom is there.
What does that mean?
- She's in another room.
- Okay, so you can see and hear what you heard then.
What are you seeing, feeling, experiencing
at four years old?
- I'm watching TV. - Mm-hmm.
- And wondering when my mom
is going to come out of the room.
- And why is Mom not with you, you're only four,
why is she in the other room?
- She didn't... she didn't like to play with me.
- What is it your mom did or didn't do
that let you know that she doesn't like to play with you?
What is it she does or doesn't do?
- She gets headaches a lot. - Mm-hmm.
And how does that feel that your mom gets headaches a lot
and doesn't want to play with you?
- Makes me sad. - Mm-hmm.
Is it that she doesn't want to play
because she's got the headaches or is it more than that?
- It's more than that.
- Tell me about the more than that.
- She's stressed out.
- On the count of five, four, three, two, one,
your ears are wide open.
You can hear your mother saying something right now,
about playing with you.
What's she saying?
- "You're not a boy."
- How do you feel when your mom says,
"You're not a boy?"
- I don't understand.
- What does she mean, "You're not a boy"?
She has a boy, your older brother.
- I have an older brother.
He...
he gets the attention.
- This scene where you are this time,
is it daytime or nighttime?
- Daytime.
- Are you inside or outside?
- Inside.
- Right, I want you to repeat after me,
"I'm five years old."
- I'm five years old.
- "And I'm feeling..."
- And I'm feeling
happy.
- Go on, because...? - Because I'm
at my friend's house, I'm at the Walton's house,
and we've been swimming.
And we are now inside playing school.
And I was at a... We had these different stations
where we did different things for school.
And my job was to stamp envelopes.
And I'm being so careful, making sure I don't get any
of the stamp ink on their desk.
Miss Walton comes over
and moves what I'm stamping and there's ink all over.
- And what does she say?
- "I told you all to be careful, what have you done?"
And I'm so disappointed and I don't understand.
I was so careful.
And that began the beginning of, "No matter what I do,
"it won't be enough."
- Okay, say that again, "No matter what I do..."
- No matter what I do, it won't be enough.
- So, I want you to say this sentence.
"When I was a dependent child..."
- When I was a dependent child...
- "I needed my parents to love me."
- I needed my parents to love me.
- "To approve of me."
- To approve of me.
- "And to show me they were proud of me."
- And to show me they were proud of me.
- "And when they didn't, it made me feel..."
- And when they didn't, it made me feel...
- Finish that sentence.
- Horrible.
- Mm-hmm. Describe the horrible.
- Like, I was jumping up and down with a red flag,
waving it at them, trying to get their attention.
- I want you to look at scene one a bit closer.
Your mom was stressed and she had headaches,
always headaches.
Couldn't play with you because of the headaches
and the stress.
And without you knowing it, even at five,
you picked up a belief, "When you're not happy, you get sick.
"When life isn't working out, you get sick.
"When things are difficult, you get sick."
How much has that, watching your mother
with constant headaches and stress,
influenced your body to react to stress with sickness?
- Yeah. - How much?
- So much.
- I want you to imagine you can see your mom
in front of you right now.
We're only going to spend a minute doing this.
I want you to go, "Mom, I wanted you to protect me."
- Mom, I wanted you to protect me.
- "I wanted you to celebrate having a daughter."
- I wanted you to celebrate having a daughter.
- "I wanted you to be proud of me."
- I wanted you to be proud of me.
- "Your job was to protect me."
- Your job was to protect me.
- "And to make me feel I mattered."
- And to make me feel I mattered.
- "And you didn't do your job."
- And you didn't do your job.
- "And I've never known why you didn't do your job."
- And I've never known why you didn't do your job.
- "I never knew why you had more children
"when you didn't really spend time with the first two."
- I never knew why you had more children
when you didn't really spend time with the first two.
- So, here's a question to ask your mom,
"Mom, why did you never teach me that I mattered?"
- Mom, why didn't you never teach me that I mattered?
- As I click my fingers, switch places.
Now, become the mother, looking at your firstborn daughter,
beautiful Noel.
Even her name means joy.
Tell Noel the truth.
Why did you never make her feel that she mattered?
- I was so scared to have a girl.
- Tell her why.
- Because I grew up with a father
who molested all the girls in the family.
- Mm-hmm, including you?
- Including me. - Mm-hmm.
- And I never told anybody until it was too late.
- I want you to say, "I couldn't protect myself."
- I couldn't protect myself.
- "And I felt I couldn't protect you."
- And I thought I couldn't protect you.
- "So I was scared of having a girl."
- So I was scared of having a girl.
- "And I didn't protect you."
- And I didn't protect you.
- "And you always felt that was your fault."
- And I always felt that was my fault.
- So your mother's going to go in a minute.
Is there anything, Noel, you want to ask her,
tell her, say to her, before she has to leave?
- I forgive you.
- Mm-hmm, anything else?
That's perfectly enough.
- And I love you.
- So, imagine, Noel, all of a sudden,
you've got the most perfect mother in the entire world.
What would that perfect mother have said to you every day?
- "You are enough, just as you are.
"You're funny, you're kind, you're compassionate.
"You're talented.
"You will go far beyond your wildest imagination."
- So if you know what a perfect mother would say
to you every day, why don't you say that to yourself?
- I don't know.
- So I want you to go, "I'm the part of Noel."
- I'm the part of Noel.
- "That came up with Lyme."
- That came up with Lyme.
- "And mold toxicity."
- And mold toxicity.
- "And the fibroid tumors."
- And the fibroid tumors.
- "And now I have a voice, I can tell you..."
- Now I have a voice that I can tell you...
- "The role of those illnesses..."
- The role of those illnesses...
- "Was only to..."
- Was only to...
- Finish that sentence.
- Get you to pay attention to me.
- Mm-hmm.
How do you feel?
- Ooh.
- What was that like for you?
- That was cool.
- Do you want a tissue?
- Yeah, thank you.
- What was your "aha" moment
or your illuminating moment?
- I knew that...
I think, in life, it's, like,
always easier to have something get in the way
than to, like, pursue your dreams or whatever it is.
But I didn't... I don't think it really clicked in
like it did today of how I've sort of let my health
be that excuse.
- Yeah, and it's that way for many, many people,
"I've formed a belief; you get sick when you're unhappy,
"Well, I'm unhappy so, therefore, I'm going to be sick,"
and, secondly, "Whatever you want to do, it doesn't work,"
so being sick's quite useful
because it gives you... - Right.
- a reason to fail.