Hi! My name is Martha. I'm from Los Angeles California and my story begins just at birth
because there was just so many things going on at that time with my mom being pregnant with me. A
tragedy hit our family where she was accidentally shot in the head while she was pregnant for me. So
she was never able to get to her baby shower that day. I was scheduled for that day. By the time
she was already rushed to the hospital, she was pronounced brain dead and that's how I came into
the world through C-section. I was born and I was alive and she was alive temporarily with the help
of machines after that. Then she was disconnected. My father being young and traumatized because of
everything that happened, didn't know how to handle the situation and kinda was absent from
my life. My grandmother was the one that raised me and she has been a mother and father for me
as best as she could with everything she's had. And I also as I was very young, I had already
same-sex attraction for other girls as well. So when I started school, I was already confused
by that. But I knew that I could not share that with anyone else because I didn't see that around
me and I felt like it was wrong. But it created this thing within me that was frustration and fear
for anybody to find out my secret. I struggle with that so I kind of just pushed it down and
that all the men in my life growing up, I just felt like I was hurt a lot by men and it was just
showing me that every example of a guy in my life was not to be trusted, that they were going to let
me down or they were going to abandon me and they weren't there for me. So that also just created
a reinforce this thing in me that men couldn't be trusted in my life. After High School and entering
College, that's when you know like I decided to finally be free and be who I thought and I
felt I was inside and felt like that person that was restricted for so long and you know I cut my
hair. I changed my whole wardrobe like I finally started like you know like walking, sitting,
doing everything of how I wanted to and I felt comfortable with and not what the world or with my
mom or my grandmother or my family would think or react to me. So I was just full-on rebellious that
I didn't care what the world or anybody thought about me. But I just wanted to be free and that
was who I was. I experienced a lot of things that just it was too fast for me and also too
crazy for me to even comprehend what really was going on and I think I was drinking a lot because
I kept hearing God's voice speaking to me like I remember, I would be like at a club or we're
drinking or hanging out and I'm just observing and looking around and I'm hearing Him saying like,
This is not what I had intended for you, you know like you know that I have something more
for you and He'll talk to me and even being in a relationship with another woman and I couldn't
stand it. So I would drink more because I did not want to hear His voice and I think the more
I tried to push Him away, He still pursued me, He never left me. Throughout all the hurt and stuff,
He was still with me. All the trauma that I experienced in my life, He was still with me and
He never judged me but He was very patient with me. I actually had this lady that I met through
work that she was a potential customer and as I was talking to her to try to make a sale,
she starts talking to me more about like you know like I see you and I know like where you're at.
I've been there before I was like you, you know I dressed a certain way like you know I talked a
certain way. I had a certain lifestyle and I know why, what led you to this and you know that I met
with her twice. She gave me her phone number and she told me if you ever want to talk just reach
out to me and we can meet up and it was very, I felt like this feeling of, I felt like I was
being tortured inside because I felt like she said something that brought something up from
the pit of my stomach that I didn't know what it was but I knew something was really wrong.
And by a Wednesday morning, I just decided to call her and I met with her at a McDonald's
at Long Beach, California and we had a conversation and she talked about how
she was hurt. She was hurt by a man when she was younger as well and that also made her
not want to trust men and she had attractions for other women as well and then she said how
when she came to Christ you know like it was more of the relationship with the Father and
just the renewing that now she had a husband and children and I've met them too and that
I think the part of where she talked about the abuse was what broke me. Because I didn't have
certain memories of things but I feel like my heart and my soul was reacting to something
like I had a memory of it and and it just broke me and I accepted Christ at that McDonald's. I didn't
know what my yes was going to lead to because I didn't go from like I surrender everything to You
and like full transformation in one day. It was a journey and has been a journey where I was trying
to negotiate with Him, saying, Hey if you let me have my wife, I would do anything for You. I will
serve You. I was talking to a mentor of mine and I was telling him how frustrated I was because I
felt like I couldn't even pray and he just told me like just close your eyes, try to speak your
heavenly language and just allow like God to just flow you know and so like I closed my eyes and
then I felt like I got hit with like a white light and just everything went white and I was just
hearing this very clear voice speaking to me and then I saw this woman and there was three children
on her left hand side and a man on her right hand side and there was two girls and a boy and
like God was telling me like this is what I have intended for you you know, this is what I have for
you and you just you have to trust Me. You have to like go and just allow Me like to heal you like go
on this journey with Me and that day, I decided okay I am not gonna cut my hair any longer. I'm
just gonna let it go grow and it just started with a small step because it was more like I'm just
gonna be obedient like You showed me something and I'm just going to be obedient by just letting
my hair grow and that happened because I didn't even have a haircut at all for four years but it
was part of me just being obedient to the Lord and spending time with Him in that secret place
and it shifts me. Now you know I ended up going back to school after so many years for Biblical
Ministry and I was even led to HungryGen and I didn't even know what HungryGen was. I had heard
about a different evangelist and through that on YouTube, I heard about Pastor Vlad and but I never
knew he was a pastor of this church and now I am one of the interns and I've had the privilege of
being able to experience this program, a lot of the teachings and not only that just found like
a family and brothers and sisters in Christ, just loving on each other and more healing and deeper
healing and it's been a great journey so far. He continues to work and it just amazes me how much
He just, He's always patiently waiting, just wanting us to say 'yes' that now I feel the actual
joy. Now I feel peace. Now I don't have voices in my mind like thinking about suicide, depression,
anxiety like I'm more at peace and I see things in a more beautiful way. If any of you guys are
watching this video and you guys have felt or been feeling that depression, that loneliness,
that desperation that you just feel like you're sinking, like you're drowning, there's confusion,
you don't know who you are, you feel abandoned and rejected by the world.
There's one person that will never reject you, never abandon you which is Jesus Christ. You
will find life. You will find joy. You will find love and peace in Him and there's nothing else
you can do and run and strive for in the world that you will find that fulfillment because there
is no fulfillment without Him. He is that missing piece that you're hurting and that's been craving
and been needing and I just want to invite you guys that if you guys have not given your life
to Christ, that if you guys have felt like you guys been backsliding or just confused and lost,
that you invite Him in your heart, in your life and allow Him. Allow Him to live in you. Allow
Him to love you and to show you who He really is and have that personal relationship with Him.
So if you guys can repeat after me, Lord Jesus, I invite You into my life. Forgive
me of all my sins. Please come and live in me. Help me. Show me who You really are
and just change me in whatever way You want me to be in Jesus Name. Amen.