Aight, So Boom.
It's your seeeeeeester, Jessie Woo.
Okay, we have made it to the "Let's get married
or not" episode, y'all, of "The Ultimatum."
So let's get to it.
So this is the episode where everybody's gonna decide
whether they belong together with the person they came with
or if they are heading back to the streets, like Saweetie.
Truth be told though,
a lot of y'all do belong back to the streets.
'Cause y'all are too young
to be giving each other these ultimatums, okay?
- Wow. Damn!
First up we have Shanique and Randall, y'all.
This is the moment!
Is Randall gonna propose to our queen Shanique?
Oh my God. Let me grab a tissue, y'all,
'cause Randall is crying.
You know, I love seeing a Black man show his emotions.
That's right, Black man!
You better cry for your queen! Yes!
So Randall proposes to Shanique
and all is well with the world, chile.
Yes, Shanique, show off your ring-a-ling-a-ling!
We love to see it, Black love, we love to see it.
This experience was a shit show.
But did he lie? Did he lieeeeeee?
It definitely was a shit show,
but me and my snacks enjoyed it.
Jake says he's not running off into the sunset with Rae,
but he's not ready to get married.
He wants to travel and see the world, okay.
April, go ahead and just get your things
and move on, chile.
Jake is trying to catch flights, not feelings.
Wait a damn minute. What's going on here?
Is that Jake and Rae?
Oh, this greeting is different, baby.
This greeting is different.
April did not get this type of vibe.
Oh my God. I'm embarrassed.
Oh, okay, not mister she checks off all my boxes,
not wanting to get in a relationship and marriage.
What's going on?
Jake says he's not ready for marriage,
but he's definitely ready for travel.
And of course, Rae says yes to that,
because I mean, she don't know what she want either.
So I mean, whatever. Safe travels, next.
Next up, we have Madlyn and Colby.
The guy who likes to outsource his feelings.
Chile, Colby put on his best "Old Town Road" hat,
just to propose to Madeline.
I am screaming. It's giving "Walker Texas Ranger."
Listen, as long as she ain't sinking her fingers
into you know who I am just fine with that, just know.
- Mm. - Just know,
we was waiting for you at the door, okay?
Anyway, Colby says he ain't got time to waste.
He wants to get married right now.
And I don't blame his ass
'cause Madlyn changes her mind more than I change wigs.
And that's very often, very often.
Okay? New wigs on deck.
Anyway y'all, check out the show
to see who else stayed together and who broke up.
Let's get into the reunion bay-beee!
'Cause nothing says healed like sitting next to your ex
with the person you left them for, ooh lord.
Next up, Nate and Lauren.
Okay, we ain't seen them since Nate panicked when Colby
was applying that pressure
and almost scooped Lauren away from him.
Okay, so he says something about why he proposed.
- What we said on there. - Ah, chile. Let's move on.
Okay. Next up we have Alexis and Hunter.
I don't know why. Anyway, they getting married in June.
They're living together now.
Money is not important to her anymore.
Pretty boring plot, don't care. Moving along.
Next up, we have April and Jake.
Look at this side by side of Rae twerking along
with April twerking, who y'all think won?
I'll give you a hint. The Black woman won.
Thank you very much.
Jake says he's still trying to figure things out
six months after the experience.
So basically, what?
Jake don't wanna be with April.
He don't wanna be with Rae.
He don't wanna be with none of y'all.
Listen, this man wants to be with his passport, okay?
Let's move on.
Jake and Rae, how was the trip? No trip?
They both decided that they needed time to heal.
Okay. That's the reason y'all gonna go with?
Okay, cool. Mm, mm hmm.
Okay, so Rae said that she tried to fix things with Zay
and that she became a better communicator with him.
But Zay said, "Aht, aht, aht."
The real reason why it didn't work between Jake and Rae is
because you did come back to me and we was hunching.
That's right. Stop playing with me.
I was putting my eggplant in your lasagna, girl.
Zay says that Rae could not ever vocalize
how she felt about him and we see that here.
I mean, she can't even tell us how she feel about Jake.
So basically Rae has a lot of work to do
because she has done none.
Now, let's get into Shanique and Randall, baby.
Shanique feels betrayed
that Randall gave himself to Madlyn.
Girl, so do we.
And gave their relationship a real shot.
But girl, why did you bring him here
for this experience, Shanique?
Did you not read the terms and conditions
and the premise of the show?
Lord have mercy.
Oh lord, here go Shanique trying to deflect
from the eggplant casserole she and Zay had.
Girl, if you don't sit your ass down.
Well, you already sitting down.
Let's get back to the reunion, chile.
Shanique says all that extra...
between her and Zay solidified that he wasn't her person.
- Okay. - Girrrrlllll,
You tried it.
You definitely tried it.
Well, you know what? I'll give this to Shanique.
At least she told Randall before he saw it in HD
with the rest of us.
Zay just never told Rae and let those two become friends.
That's really trifling.
Just trifling, just trifling. Let's move on.
- Yelling and talking over me.
Chile, this is the most emotion I've seen
from Rae all season.
Lord, look at Zay getting up before he beats everybody ass.
All right, y'all, Shanique and Randall.
They broke up for six months?
She says Randall is her best friend
and the best thing that ever happened to her
and now they're back together.
Ooh, yes. Love to hear it.
'Cause what, breaking up? For what?
Black love, baby. We love to see it.
Last but not least, I mean,
according to some people, Colby and Madlyn.
Okay. They're married.
They pregnant with the first "Ultimatum" baby? Okay!
I am just happy that the baby is not Randall's.
Yes, God. - This is awkward.
Am I only one shocked
that these two actually made it?
Like a solid marriage and a baby on the way?
'Cause I felt like Madlyn hated Colby's entire existence.
- Walk, please!
If Colby took a breath, she hated it.
That's what it was giving.
But you know what? If they like it, I love it.
Now one thing the Lachey's gonna do is ask a messy question.
'Cause these questions at the end are chaotic.
Chaos on the cue card.
Shanique says the most shocking thing she learned
from another castmate is.
- That olive oil can be doubled as lube.
I wonder who taught her that?
(coughs) Zay (coughs) Zay.
Child, "The Ultimatum" had me in a choke hold,
but I loved every minute.
Until the next new Netflix reality craziness,
it's your girl, Jessie Woo, signing out, byeee!