Nameste everybody. My name is Lisa a Romano. I am a life coach that specializes in
codependency and
narcissistic abuse recovery
one of my favorite lines is it's not you it's your programming and
I am a firm believer that
What is wrong is?
what we cannot see I
absolutely believe that
what we have been programmed to believe about the self becomes the inner narrative and
So today I'm going to be talking about 5 ways
that you can tame your
inner critic and
We have to understand that we have the ability to observe the mind all too often
We are reactive and we are reacting to the mind
we are reacting to other people and
we do not understand that our personal power comes from
The ability to observe what we think rather than simply react to what we think and very often times what we think
Is that what we think at all? It's what we've been programmed and conditioned to think
So the first thing that we're going to do is we're going to decide to observe rather than react
We are going to observe our mind and get in the habit of observing our mind
We are going to come out of reactive mode
Literally Stephanie into a different paradigm
this is a line shift dear ones when you
Decide to wake up in the morning and to observe what's happening in your mind
Rather than react to what's happening in your mind. This is a complete game-changer
When we are suffering from codependency
We are reacting to trauma. Although we don't know it
and we are living off of
what has been stored in the amygdala and hippocampus in terms of behavior, but we don't know it if
We have been taught that we are not worthy of love. We don't know it sometimes and
very often times
we don't understand that our attachment to other people or fawning our people-pleasing by shutting down our
ability to dissociate
all of these things are ways that we're dealing with
codependency unconsciously, but what we don't understand is we're reacting and
We're not observing
So the first thing that we do is we wake up and we say today is going to be the day
that I observe the way I think rather than just
mindlessly
React to whatever thought comes into my head. I am going to observe
the thoughts that come into my head
The second thing we're going to do is dis identify from those thoughts
Huge mind shift you are not your thoughts. Imagine that you are not your thoughts. So
You're also going to follow up
Observing what shows up in your mind with this idea that you must also dis identify from your thoughts
You are not your thoughts. So you are not your negative self-talk
The words of the inner critic that you hear are not yours
they are product of subconscious programming childhood trauma and
They are the narrative of the super-ego. That was only trying to keep you safe and
What was most likely a very unpredictable world?
But you must know your brain must know that you are not your thoughts
You are not this negative self-talk
the third thing that we want to do is
Order your negative self-talk from 0 to 5
5 being the most abusive. So you're observing the negative self-talk your dis identifying it
You get a notebook you begin to write down what you observe and you now the third step is you begin to?
Order them zero to five
So some of us will hear ourselves saying we're fat. We're disgusting. We're ugly. That's why no one loves us
We're never gonna get ahead in life. I'm never going to be happy
What you would do is pay attention to how each of those phrases makes you feel the ones that feel
Like they are kicking you in the stomach the hardest when you read them, that would be a number five
You saying something like are you hearing yourself? Say something? Like oh, you're so silly might be that not too important
Oh, oh you silly thing you just dropped that
Key again, maybe that didn't make your skin crawl. Maybe it didn't make your chest feel like was being constricted
but some of us have some pretty horrible negative self-talk and
You will know it by the way you feel in your stomach
Your root chakra will feel constricted or your heart space will feel constricted. So begin labeling them
the fourth thing that you can do is
now that you know
What?
Phrases are the most crippling
You now want to go in and rewrite the messages we want to reframe
The brain can only play with the tools that are in the shed. So if
your brain has nothing different to
say
Back to these negative phrases that you've decided to observe
That you've dis identified from and now that you've labeled and ordered
Your brain now needs new data. You have to put something in place of that. So this is what I pull
reprogramming
We have to reprogram we have to put into place
something that
Was that was it that replaces the negative self-talk?
And so if I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror and I say you're so ugly
you're getting so old look at the wrinkles around your eyes, and I've now identified this as
Pretty crippling then. What I do now is I understand that. These are not my thoughts. I am observing them
These are just thoughts. This is society perhaps or you know, they're there we have to understand that there are masks
consciousnesses in terms of how for instance how women see themselves especially aging
We are taught in large ways and in small ways and subtle ways
In overt way is that aging is that getting old is bad actually aging is awesome
If you live to a ripe old age, that's an amazing thing
One of my best friends died at 37 didn't have a wrinkle on her face
Trust me, she wishes that she was alive today or imagine that she would wish she was alive today watching her children graduate from college
Start their careers and so on but the messages that we receive are negative about aging
so once we've noticed that we have this
Negative inner critic we we've identified this phrase now
We want to reframe that phrase or completely write over it
Our new phrase could be it's good that we're aging it's wonderful to be alive today
I'm so thankful that I'm alive today
Every wrinkle may represent a laugh
every wrinkle represents a year
I want many years made my face filled with many wrinkles the more wrinkles the older
I've lived the more that I've experienced. So now
When I look in the mirror tomorrow and I hear this negative self-talk I can recall the new positive self-talk
the
affirmation to help me rewire this pattern I have of looking into the mirror and
hearing my inner critic and hearing this dialogue that has come from my father that has come from society that has come from
Narcissistic others, that's come from people. I've known that's come from
My mother in the negative way that she spoke about herself and her wrinkles. So now I have some meat on the bone now
I can actually rewire this negative self-talk
The fifth thing that you want to do is ask yourself
if this negative self-talk is
Any way that you would talk to a best friend?
Would you repeat these negative phrases to a child?
Would you want someone you love to have to struggle with those types of negative phrases?
it's important that you
hear yourself
Have that conversation so that you can acknowledge the pain
That those phrases would have if you were speaking them to somebody who is innocent like a child
It's important that you identify
With the pain and you recognize that
negative self-talk is
painful
because when you when your negative self-talk is
happening you're feeling the pain of it, but that translates to shame and
it's not the same thing when you're observing a
negative phrase
happening to someone else
this is why so many of us that have been bullied in life can't tolerate when someone else gets bullied and
many
people have been bullied have become activists or
just feel it necessary to protect other people because when we observe
the bullying
Happening to someone else now we identify hey, that's poor behavior. But when we are
experiencing the negative self-talk from within
what happens is shame and
shame is crippling and
What happens is when we are shamed
We become the shame and we're not able to harness the power of
Being able to observe
The shame happening to someone else because we actually identify with the shame we become one with the shame
So spending some time
by
Repeating these negative phrases and imagining and asking yourself
Would I repeat these phrases to someone I loved would I repeat these phrases to a child would I say this to anyone?
So oftentimes the things that we've said to ourselves we would never say to anyone else
when we attach pain
To these phrases then the pain verses pleasure principle in our brain begins to go to work for us
When the brain understands wait a minute, this phrase is negative. And this paint this phrase is painful
The brain will automatically not want to continue using that phrase on you
Because the brain wishes to avoid pain and it wishes to seek pleasure
what we're trying to do is get your brain to associate pain with this negative self-talk in a healthy way, so
that you can harness
Pleasurable self-talk. So your brain can associate pleasure with positive self-talk and
If you stick to this, if you do this consistently every single day your life must improve
Thank you so much for being here and thank you for participating in this short podcast
That was just simply aimed at helping you learn to tame the inner critic within you in five easy steps
If you'd like to learn more about me
You can go to
WWE Sierra mono calm namaste until next time
You