- Delightful ladies of clap.
(Kristin clapping) One more.
- Ow. (clapping)
- One more more. (Kristin clapping)
Let's drink this bourbon! (Kristen laughing)
- Why I'd do four of them? - One more.
- No, I'm not clapping anymore.
- Did you get it?
(light ragtime music) (hinge creaking)
We're back, it's the Kitchen & Jorn show!
- Hey!
Today, we're going to be trying
every Trader Joe's branded liquor.
- So that does not include beer and wine,
of which they do have.
- We're talking gin, tequilas.
- [Both] Whiskies, bourbons.
- Whiskies. - Whiskies.
Other whiskies. - Whiskies.
Oh, there's vodka, too.
- Vodka.
Obviously, we are going to be tasting these alcohols.
We are not going to be shooting them.
We are not trying to get drunkedy, drunk, drunk, drunk.
We do not encourage binge drinking.
Do not binge drink.
Only drink if you're over 21.
We are both successfully over 21.
- Mission accomplished. - Mission accomplished.
- And we also both Lyfted to work today.
- We are prepared to do this responsibly.
- And also, I'd like to point out, again,
we're not alcohol experts.
This evaluation, like take it from like,
your friends' evaluation.
- I think we're trying 17 liquors today.
- And if we're not trying 17,
the correct number will be right here.
(bell dinging) - This number.
- Yeah. - It's whatever that is.
- Yeah.
As you know, the categories we'll be ranking these
go to Just Okay, Pretty Good, and Really Great.
- And if things are quite bad,
then it will go in the Penalty Box.
- Yeah. - I have feeling
the penalty box is going to be quite full today.
- First alcohol is Preeminence Gin.
It's gluten free, so that's nice.
- It's great.
(beeping)
(beeping) Can I--
Thank you. (bottle seal cracking)
- Oh. - What were you trying to do?
- I just put hair gel on.
My hands are very oily.
Wow, that is a strong gin.
- It's actually, it's in a wine bottle.
It's sort of like a Coachella lineup.
It's California Grapes, also,
on the smaller stages, juniper, coriander, lime,
and in the shacks, it's dill.
The headliner is definitely like--
- Ah, (beeping) Billie Eilish!
The best way to drink gin is just like sip it.
- Yeah, just a little, just-- (soda fizzing over)
(beeping) You go anywhere
without spilling something? - No.
I need a sip please. - Okay.
So we're gonna smell this first.
Smells like turpentine.
- A little bit. - Ugh.
- But you get the lemon.
Ready, let's go.
I think that's pretty good.
It's a pretty mild flavor, I feel like.
It doesn't burn that much.
Of all the hard alcohols, I think I like gin the most.
You hated this. (Kristen coughing)
What did you think?
- Not bad. (Jen laughing)
It does burn a little bit, it's not that bad.
It obviously wasn't distilled in a toilet.
- Well, we don't know that.
The Trader Joe's Preeminence Gin?
- [Both] Pretty Good.
- Trader Joe's Rum of the Gods,
and the image on he label is of a sailor wrestling a bear
dressed as sailor.
Let us know when you're ready.
(glass clattering) Kristin.
- You go anywhere without spilling something?
- No.
My God, woman.
- What's the story behind the bear
dressed as a sailor on this?
- It doesn't really look like they're wrestling
so much as it looks like the first sailor
is giving the bear the Heimlich maneuver.
- Ooh, I'm already feeling a little good,
and we're only tried one. (laughing)
- I feel nothing yet, but I'm excited to get on your level.
Ooh.
Now that does not smell pleasant.
I do smell like fruit a little bit?
- Oh, God. - But the alcohol smell
is just very overpowering.
I don't like rum.
It's okay. - That's not bad.
- It doesn't burn, you do get a little bit
of the fruit flavor, which I think is nice,
and it's much milder than the smell would have you believe.
- I would say this is pretty good.
- Spit bucket! - It's not a spit bucket.
- It is a spit bucket.
- It's just where we're putting the excess.
- Yeah.
Cool, so this is another Rum of the Gods.
It's got the exact same label, except this is white rum.
So Kristin, you'll be enjoying this one.
(both laughing)
I went for these jokes. - Oh my God.
- No, hold on, hold on, I'm just putting--
(bottle seal cracking) the extra gel in my hair.
- No, it's done.
That is so much. - It was an accident!
We still don't understand the relationship this bear has
with this sailing company.
- I don't understand the story here.
- Well, it's Paddington 3.
Let's see how it goes.
(gagging) - Guys, straight liquor?
Is not very good.
Oh my God, it's still happening to me.
I already drank it, and it's still happening to me.
- This was a Just Okay.
Get outta here. - Okay.
- Next!
Spit bucket. - It's not the spit bucket.
- We need the spit bucket.
- Trader Joe's Golden Vale Irish Cream Liqueur.
- I feel like this is basically Bailey's Irish Cream.
- Well, how do they make this?
- It's basically like, would you like a milkshake
but made with whiskey? - Nice.
It's like, alcohol candy.
Ooh, but it does smell really strong.
Give it a sip. - Oh, it's pretty good.
- Yeah, oh, that's sweet.
That goes down easy.
It's weird.
The smell is really concerning,
because you expect it to taste like rubbing alcohol,
but it's actually super smooth and very creamy.
- It is still alcohol, though,
and if you're under 21, you should not be drinking it.
- Yeah, don't. - It's not cool.
Stay in school.
This is really great.
- Yeah, it's awesome.
I don't really drink that often in my personal life.
I prefer to drink beer if I'm drinking anything,
so if I like something, that says something.
I think we just accidentally bought Jameson.
This isn't Trader Joe's brand, is it?
- This is Jameson. - Ah, damn it.
Were we drunk earlier? - What happened?
(beeping)
- Trader Joe's Single Malt Irish Whiskey.
This was apparently aged 15 years.
What does single malt mean?
- I don't know. - Okay.
- It just means it has one malt.
- Cool.
- What a good fact. - Wow.
- Wow, true.
♪ It smells like old man in a library ♪
- Most of the time, smelling alcohol is a bad idea,
because it always smells stronger than it actually tastes,
except for wine.
- Smelling alcohol is like a critical part
of understanding the taste profile.
- I don't know if that's true.
- It's just, normally, when people smell alcohol,
they do it in a very controlled, precise way.
- This is precise.
Look at all this cream I still have in this cup.
(Kristin laughing)
- Irish whiskey, granted, it does burn,
it doesn't feel good to drink it,
but it should have a round, rich, mahogany type taste.
This kinda just tastes like a sock I left in the dishwasher.
But it's filled with booze. (Jen laughing)
Just okay.
- Oh, more gin, gin. - More gin.
- [Jen] Barrel Rested Gin.
- Why are you pouring more?
- I don't know, but ew.
Woo, it smells like chocolate.
- It does smell like chocolate.
- Right?
Interesting. - Yeah.
- There's vanilla in here. - Plastic stuck to me.
- The vanilla really comes through.
- Yeah, actually.
It smells good, it's a nice finish.
Here's the thing.
In order to taste alcohol in a way
that appreciates the flavors,
you can't shoot it, you can't even sip it.
You have to basically let a little bit of it
sit in your mouth,
and then just kinda sit with it for a second.
- Wow, I feel it now, too.
Jesus Christ.
Barrel Rested Gin, really great.
- Trader Joe's High Rye Bourbon.
It's aged a minimum of three years.
This is a preschooler.
- Sick, it's not potty trained.
You like Old Fashioneds, right?
- [Kristin] I do like Old Fashioneds, yes.
- It kinda smells like licorice.
- It has a honey smell.
That's pretty drinkable.
- Yeah, that's not bad, actually.
I genuinely would not know how to describe
this flavor without the label.
- It's pretty, I mean--
- It's cor-- - Okay, honey.
- It's oaky, honey.
- It's sweet. - It's sweet.
- [Kristin] High Rye Bourbon, it's--
- Pretty good. - Good.
- Spit!
This is like a lemonade stand for a kid
who doesn't know what to put in lemonades,
so they put milk in it.
Oh, God, tequila.
- We now have reached the tequila portion
of the video!
- I will say, tequila is delicious.
It has, like-- - All the nutrients you need.
- No, no, no. - A balanced diet.
(beeping) I like tequila.
- I haven't had tequila in a while,
but I remember enjoying it.
(Kristin laughing) There's aromas of olive,
cheese, herb, custard and chocolate peanut.
- Tequila actually has like a really,
really complicated flavor profile.
Ooh.
They also smell the best, I think of all liquors.
- It's tequila.
I'm gonna defer to you on this one.
- Here's the thing.
Is it good?
No.
Did it hurt to drink?
No.
It gets points for not being painful to consume.
- Okay.
- Which I feel like a lot of alcohol struggles with.
I think it's just okay.
- More tequila!
But this time, it's white tequila.
Open, please.
- One of these days, you'll be able to open it yourself.
- Maybe. - It smells okay.
- It's not my favorite.
- (coughing) Oh.
- I've had really good--
- That is awful. - Tequila in the past.
- No. - But this is not,
- No. - Really good tequila.
- No.
Goodbye. - This is probably
Penalty Box bad.
The Art of the Still, Distilled Organic Gin.
- [Kristin] Gin, it's what's for ginner.
- I liked it.
I thought it was good.
♪ Gin time ♪
Ooh, you can taste the lavender.
It does not appear that there's lavender in this.
You can taste the herb.
- I mean, you like gin more.
- I do like gin. - I defer to you.
- Pretty good.
Spit!
Trader Joe's Single Malt Scotch Wissy, oh (beeping).
Trader Joe's Speyside Single Malt Scotch Whisky.
It has been azed (beeping).
It's been aged eight years.
- I hate scotch.
I'm just gonna say that.
- What kind of mixed drinks do they put scotch in?
- You don't, it's scotch.
Some people do make scotch cocktails, but like,
(bottle popping) You should be
drinking Scotch straight.
Usually, you put a dropper of water,
to kind of open it up a little bit.
Not that I think there's much to open up here.
- All right.
- That, no, maybe that's a--
- Too much water. - Too much. (laughing)
- We're supposed to have flavors of caramel,
dried apricots, vanilla, and light cinnamon spice.
(glasses clinking)
- It tastes like soap.
Oh, no.
But if you can get through it, actually,
the honey flavor's pretty good.
- Spit bucket. - Just okay.
- Look like we've just been peeing in here.
Trader Joeto's Sicilian Limoncello.
- This better be good, or I will sue my mouth.
- When I went to Italy for the first time ever,
and that was the first time I'd ever had Limoncello,
and it was fine.
I'm definitely pronouncing it wrong.
Limoncello. - Lemoncello.
It says, "Best Served Chilled," which is good,
'cause it's been sitting in this hot stage for four hours.
- Nice.
- Mm, smells like lemonade but naughty.
(Italian folk music)
- It's like drinking a Lemonhead candy.
It is very, very sickly sweet.
I don't hate it, but it does have a very strong
like artificial lemon taste. - Oh, God, I mean, it is tart,
but in a wrong sort of way.
- I don't think it's tart at all.
- Like it took a wrong turn at tart and just went to fart.
- [Jen] It's just okay.
- Don't try to resuscitate this.
We keep looking at the bottle, thinking,
maybe we did something wrong.
- It's a beautiful bottle.
- What a great bottle.
Dump out the liquor in it, and just put a flower in there.
(sighing) Are we done with this yet?
- No.
Trader Joe's The Art of the Still Vodka.
- How are you feeling?
- I mean, I feel fine.
The alcohol has hit in a really weird way.
I'm not drunk, but I am very sleepy.
- I'm not drunk at all.
It's also really hot in here.
- It is incredible hot. - Do you like vodka?
- No. - Well.
(glasses clinking)
- No, it's bad. - It's bad.
- It's bad.
Let's not pretend like this is a good relationship.
This is Penalty Box bad.
- Yeah. - For me.
Throw it in the trash. - Yeah, get rid of this.
Spit bucket.
Have you seen-- (Kristin laughing)
Sorry.
- Just poured that out all over yourself.
(Jen grunting) Trader Joe's
Versatile Spirit Vodka.
- God, I do not like vodka.
- We can do this.
- Yeah. - I believe in you.
- It is a lot smoother
than the previous one. - It is much smoother.
Okay, all right, all right.
- A decent vodka.
- God, we had a bad attitude going into it.
- I know, I'm sorry, man. (beeping)
- Wow, the sleeper hit of the summer.
- Exactly. - I'm impressed enough
with this, where I wanna put it in Really Great,
and you don't care enough to fight me on it.
- No, I could get there.
Trader Joe's Versatile Spirit Vodka is--
- [Both] Really great.
- [Kristin] Yeah.
- Trader Joe's Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky.
This one has been aged 10 years.
- Another scotch?
Oh my God.
Can you imagine if we'd done all the wine, too?
- Oh, we would've died.
(bottle squeaking) (timer dinging)
(banging rhythmically) Ow.
(Kristin laughing) It hurts my fingees.
(gagging) Eh.
- Yeah, this has aged poorly.
It's like soap but it's on fire.
Oh my God, my eyes are watering.
I think this is Penalty Box bad.
- [Jen] Yeah, this is Penalty Box bad.
- Do you have an opinion on it?
- I do not enjoy this.
It's bad. - This is bad.
- We're on our last liquor, thankfully.
Special Reserve Irish Whiskey.
It's amazing how after awhile, they all start
kinda smelling the same.
- Anyway, let's drink this. - Okay.
(glasses clinking)
It's not offensive.
- There's nothing special or reserved about you, baby.
- It just tastes like pretty average whiskey.
- Special Reserve Whiskey-- - Just okay.
- So we finished, we did it.
As is our tradition, we will now talk,
no, we're not gonna throw our--
- We did it! (cheering)
- As is our tradition, we will now talk
about our most favorite and least favorite alcohols.
- Top three, bottom three.
- My top three are the Irish Whiskey, the Barrel Rested Gin,
and the Versatile Spirit Vodka.
- My top three was the Irish Cream, the Preeminent Gin,
and the Barrel Rested Gin.
I'm just a ginhead, what can I say?
- It's just your name, but one extra--
- I know! (laughing)
- All right, what are your least favorites?
- That bottle of Jameson. - (laughing) The Jame--
(beeping) - My least favorites
were The Art of the Still Vodka,
the Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky,
and the Blanco Tequila.
- The same.
- Those were all in the Penalty Box, and for good reason.
- Yeah, they were bad.
All right, we did it. - We did it.
- What do you want us to try next?
- What do you, what do you--
- What? - What is it?
- What is it? (whimsical music)
(whooshing) (hinge creaking)