- What's going on? (suspenseful music)
- I've asked you all to meet me here
because somebody in this room got me sick.
(coughing)
(screams)
- Yes, one of you. (coughing)
- One of us? Why that is preposterous.
You may not be sick at all. Perhaps
you're simply tired or dehydrated.
- Yes, hydration, it's terribly important.
I read an article about it, you know.
- No, the fact is that I am sick,
all the early warning signs are there,
swollen lymph nodes, headache, scratchy throat.
The only people I've been around lately are you.
- Well pish posh. Why maybe it was an
accident or maybe there's just something going around.
- These things don't just go round.
No, someone got me sick, and justice will be done.
You, Brennon. (thunder booms)
You seem quite keen to dismiss this whole thing.
Very curious for a man who spent hours
breathing in my face on sat. (sputtering noise)
- How dare you sir? I've never been sick a day in life,
besides we all know who got you sick it was Grant!
(Gasping) (thunder booms)
- Me sir? - Yes you sir!
Why, we all saw you hacking and wheezing away yesterday.
- Mmm. You misunderstand, they were my allergies.
- Your allergies. And what exactly are you allergic to?
- Why, everything. My constitution is as weak as my arms.
- Oh please, they surely can't be that weak.
- Oh but they are. On account of my old age.
- This is a most convincing story.
I can see with my own eyes how old and frail this man is.
- Well, I refuse to believe it is one of us,
I mean perhaps it was your wife Trapp,
or maybe one those dirty old bus poles.
(thunder booms) - But I don't think that
(screams) - [Grant] Pass me my Laudanum.
- [Trapp] Nobody move. Nobody move.
(sputtering) (gasping)
- By god. - Someone got Brennon sick.
- It was Jessica - Grant, no.
- I shan't be silent any longer.
Jessica was tweeting yesterday about vomiting. You were ill.
- Jessica, is this true? - No
- Was it you? - No
- Did you get us sick? - No
- Did you get me sick? - No
- Did you get Brennon sick? - No, no, I did not.
I vomited because of a very intense workout,
and then I vomited again because I was excited,
and then I vomited a third time because
I saw the first pile of vomit.
I vomit literally all the time.
- You probably weren't drinking enough water.
- Water doesn't fix everything.
- Well I don't know, if you'd read this
article that I'd read you might be quite convinced.
- Well, here's the thing Siobhan,
we're not going to read that article any way.
You all seem to be forgetting that there's a monster here.
A monster in our midst, a monster named, Raph.
(thunder booms) (gasping)
- Who Me? Why, I didn't even come into the office yesterday.
- No you weren't in the office
were you Raph, and why was that?
- Well, I took a personal day. Can't I take a personal day?
- You can take a personal day Raph,
but I have seen the personnel calender and
I know for a fact, you took a sick day.
(gasping) - No.
- Yes, it's right here, plain as paper.
Now why would you lie about that?
Why would you try to hide it. I'll tell you why.
It's because you're guilty, you got
me sick. You got Brennen sick. Blammo.
Blammo I say to you. Case closed.
- Okay. I took a sick day. (gasps)
But I wasn't actually sick, I was hungover.
- On a Wednesday? - Don't judge me.
- Well I hope you drank plenty of fluids.
- God dammit Siobhan, if you bring up this
water theory one more time I going to lose it.
- Here's the sticky wicket of it all though,
if it wasn't Raphael then who in the blazes was it?
- Who indeed. This a most twisted case.
Not Brennon, who got sick in this very room.
Not Raph or Grant or Jessica, whose
aliments were not contagious. Which can only mean.
(dramatic crescendo) - Hello?
- Slap my tit, it's Siobhan. (thunder booms)
(gasping) - No
- Yes, thank you Colonel. Wow, what would I do without you.
- But it can't be me, I've been drinking simply
bucket loads of water. (sneezes)
- My god Siobhan, there's no crime so
low as getting another sick. No victim more
undeserving than I. (sad dramatic music)
- Didn't you kill Pat? - Allegedly.
(clamoring) - It all leads back to you.
- Rumors, rumors, rumors, rumors.
In the eyes of the court, in the eyes of America,
I definitely did not kill Pat. (clamoring)