Mark: Hello, it's Mark here founder of Make Him Yours again.
And we are with Belinda again today.
She is the founder of Beloved here in Brisbane, a company that empowers men and women to find
love. They're right? They're right?
Today, we are talking about how to chat to guys on the phone.
So the dos, the don'ts, what things to do when you, when you pick up the phone and talk
to a guy and how to set yourself apart from other women he may be talking to or texting
or whatever.
I think one of the first things Belinda, that I really wanted to get across in this video
is just the sake of using the phone.
So many of us now are so reliant on text messaging or Facebook, Instagram or whatever messaging.
And it's so impersonal isn't it?
It's just, it's so there's, you know, there's no emotion, there's no real connection.
Um, it's really not a good medium for communication, but the phone is really excellent, isn't it?
It's something that really gets under used.
Belinda: Yes, absolutely.
And I also think, especially in the world now of social media, Oh, sorry, dating online
dating.
How did the, how do you get to know somebody with a couple of lines and emojis?
Mark: Yeah, exactly.
Um, you know, one thing, one text message that I really like women to use is to simply
say, um, "enough of the back and forth, call me tonight smiley face X," and it's a really
good way to stop this boring fizzling out text message conversation that goes on way
too long and you're both like, I'm wasting time here.
I'm not talking to my friends while I'm texting and it gives him whatever it is, 15 minutes,
20 minutes at night to call you and build a real connection and it gives him the green
light to do so as well.
It's kind of step up and call me.
Belinda: But I also think that message has gonna whittle out the boys from the men.
Mark: Yes.
Yeah.
And it's the guys who have real interests are the ones who are gonna step up to that
message and that they're the type of guys you want to be meeting.
Belinda: Yeah. It's going to help you to stop wasting time. Yeah.
Mark: Yeah. Because texting is actually really time-consuming if you're texting different people as well.
Belinda: Yeah. How many people are you texting?
Mark: I'm not texting anyone, thank you.
No, but it does.
And once you get that phone call, if you know, if that guy is, is texting a few girls that
are showing interest in him, and you're the one calling to him or calling him chatting
twice a week, that's going to give you a huge advantage, isn't it?
Belinda: Yeah. Yeah. More if he's calling you as well cause then it goes to both ways.
Mark: Yeah. That's probably more what I meant to say.
Belinda: Yeah. That's okay.
Mark: What are your, what are some do's and don'ts once you actually get him on the phone?
What do girls say to guys once they get them on the phone?
Belinda: I think if this is the first conversation on the phone?
Yes.
I think it should be light and I think it should be fun and a bit flirty.
Um, I don't think you should be on the phone saying, Oh, work was really crap today.
And complaining to him about crappy things because you can do that with your girlfriends.
Um, and you don't want to be demonstrating that you're a negative energy because you,
you really want to be that positive energy. He wants to look forward to speaking to you.
Not like it's a drag.
Mark: Yeah.
When a guy, when a guy, a girl, the type of girl that he's looking forward to be his girlfriend
is the girl who he wants to become a part of her world.
So he wants to become, a part of that woman's amazing world.
He's like, she has so much stuff going on. I want more access to this.
I want to work harder because I want more access.
I want to know what's going on.
I want to be a part of this.
And if you put out that negative energy on a phone call, what's he going to want to be?
He's not gonna want to be a part of that.
Um, you know, he might be after one thing, but he's not going to really want to be involved
with you.
Belinda: Yeah. And you don't want to, you don't want to be fake. So I'm not saying be fake.
I'm saying be positive when you're on the phone too, on the phone.
Mark: I would almost say if you can't be positive for those 15 minutes or at least see the brighter
side of life, it might not be the best night to call him.
You might be better off waiting till we're getting him to call you.
You might be better off waiting until tomorrow night to initiate that phone call when you
are in a more positive, happy vibe, I think. especially if it's the first call.
Belinda: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
And, and if he makes that call, you'll know that he's making the effort. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which is, I'm a bit traditional in that sense.
I personally think he should make the first call.
What's your opinion, Mark?
Mark: I tend to agree.
I think sometimes you do have to give the guy a green light to do so.
So some guys, you know, they get shy then they're not quite sure.
I think that's why I really liked that text message.
I'm the one that says let's stop the back and forth, call me tonight.
Um, no questions there.
If he doesn't call you after that, you know you've got a clear answer.
If at the end of your date you say, all right, call me.
Um, you've given him a green light.
If he doesn't call you after that, there's, there's no ambiguity to the situation.
You know what his feelings are and you can invest your time if he doesn't call you into
someone more worthwhile.
Belinda: Yeah. And it helps with the mixed messages as well.
Yeah.
Mark: Yeah.
Um, what are some don'ts with, with the phone Bel?
Belinda: With the phone?
Um, well as we were talking about before, don't if, if you miss their call as you, this
is one of your points that I really love.
If you miss their call and you ring them back, wait till they call you again, don't ring
and ring and ring and ring until you get there.
Mark: Sorry, if you miss their call, and they call you back.
Belinda: No. If you, if you miss their call and you call them back.
Sorry. And then they miss your call. Yeah. Wait until they return your call. Does that makes sense?
Mark: It's basically, missed call to missed call tag for tag.
You know, if I really like a woman and I see one missed call from her, I want to call that
girl back.
If I see three missed calls from her, I'm either like, Whoa, there's some sort of emergency,
which is in which case, if it's the first date, why is she calling me?
More likely, I'm like, Oh, this is kind of weird and off-putting.
It's, it really is amazing.
The difference between one missed call and say three missed calls or even something you
were talking about before, you know, one text versus three texts in a row.
Yeah. Little thing, big difference. Why?
Belinda: Because it shows that you're not as a woman, it shows to the male that you're
not needy and you're not clingy and you have a life.
So whilst you're showing interest, you're not depending on that person to call you back
and you're not depending on them for your life.
Yeah.
Mark: I think when you want to communicate this positive life, like we were talking about
before, and when you text him once, let's say you text him, Hey, what are you up to
tonight? Um, come out.
And he doesn't text back, a woman with a really positive world.
She just moves on with her life.
She goes out with her friends, she, she forgets that he even didn't text back.
Um, and then he like finds his phone and the next day he's like, Oh Jesus, I missed texting
Belinda back or make it up to you. I'm sorry. Yeah.
On the other hand, you have the woman who maybe does texts three times.
Hey, did you get my message?
Gives him a call.
The guy gets his phone the next day and he's kind of going, Hmm, okay, this is, this is
too much.
Like why is she spending so much time in her world thinking about me?
I want to go, I want to become part of her incredible world.
And so when she's off in it and she only sends one text and then disappears into it, the
guy's like, no, no, no.
I want to, I want to be part of that.
Yeah.
Belinda: Fishing again.
Yeah.
And it's, again, it's not about playing games.
No.
It's about being natural and allowing the process to happen, not forcing the process
to happen.
Mark: Yeah, exactly right.
I think playing hard to get is fake and I hate playing hard to get as dating advice.
It's, it's, it's bad dating advice, but I think being hard to get as kind of a natural
part of who you are, where you just text someone and then if they don't text back you, you
go out with your friends and you have a great time anyway and you know, you put your phone
away that night so maybe you don't reply straight away.
That's, that's kind of how being hard to get is more of a lifestyle and is super attractive.
Whereas playing hard to get is like when you look at your phone and you're waiting to text
him back and you're like, I shouldn't text back straight away.
That's playing.
And eventually that's gonna fall over.
Belinda: And what I'd like to say to my ladies is, well, he's not texting you back, you might
be off meeting somebody else who will text you back.
Yeah.
So yeah.
So don't put all your eggs in one basket waiting for that one person who takes you back.
If he doesn't, he's not, well, after a few days, he's probably not going to.
So you've wasted those days waiting for him, enjoy your life, meet new people and he'll,
you'll hear from him or her one way or another.
Mark: Yup.
What are other tips with the phone calls if some of the women out there are nervous about
making that call or, or even they see the phone ringing and it's a guy and they'll go
kind of have it or what do I do here?
What are some other tips in terms of just having the phone call that you might suggest?
Belinda: Well, I think, um, when you see that person ringing you, just smile and take a
deep breath and, and, and get, be excited but not, um, dramatic.
Enjoy it, okay, great, this is exciting.
Um, and just don't think too much.
The more you think, the more you stumble, just feel natural.
Think it's like one of your friends ringing you, you know, and, and just...
Mark: Get to know him.
Yeah.
One thing I say, and I'd be curious to know if you agreed with this is I'm very much against
the, let's talk for four hours after the first wonderful date scenario.
Um, I usually say limit yourself to 15-20 great minutes.
And if it's great, you'll have another 15-20 great minutes in a few days and you'll keep
spreading those 15, 20, maybe up to 30, whatever minutes over the coming weeks and months.
I think these, my experience has been the, when you go to four hours, then you go four
hours the next night, you have this incredible burning connection that almost burns out just
as fast and you go forward too quickly.
Yeah.
Would you agree with that?
Belinda: I think yeah, I think there should be a healthy balance.
Um, but I also think it should be natural.
So if you're naturally having a conversation with them, I'm losing my voice, for like,
and I, and it can happen.
I've, you know, I've had phone conversations for three hours and you go, Oh my gosh, it's
been, we've been on the phone for three hours where it's so natural.
You're enjoying that company.
But I think don't, don't necessarily go back in the next day and have another three-hour
conversation.
Have a healthy balance.
Mark: Yeah. I sort of say there's, there's no, there's no reason that you can't continue that conversation
at a later time.
And I think as well to have that, you know, have that great world that you're busy in
is attractive if you, if you go through and you get to half an hour and you go, look,
I do love talking to you but I'm going to go spend time with my friends or I've got
to do this or this.
I think as a guy, I've always found that really attractive.
Um, when a, when a woman talks to me for several hours at the beginning though, I enjoy it.
If it keeps happening, I start to go, okay, she's given me a lot of her time.
And to be fair, I'm giving me a lot of hers as well.
But it, it, it's so much time and it's so much to get getting to know you without being
physically next to each other.
I'd almost feel like it's, I'd almost rather the girl kept it a bit shorter, so that I
can really look forward to what I get to find out on the next call.
And that's, that's when I found, and for a lot of men we really attach is when over time
you keep getting these positive bursts with this girl who's in her own world and doing
her thing.
Belinda: It's funny you say that because that the conversation, I was thinking about then,
I actually, he'd been away for a month overseas, so, so yeah.
So yeah, a little bit different.
Yeah.
But it does, um, it is nice to not really think about it, go with the flow, but also
have, be had that balance yeah.
Mark: Yeah. Have you had the situation, um, where the call is great, say for an hour, perhaps two
and then things kind of nosedive and there's a flat point?
I've heard of, I've had a lot, a whole lot of women sort of talk to me about this where
it is going great, but you almost push it too far and you kind of run out of things to say.
Belinda: Yeah. Well I think if you feeling like that you should, should acknowledge and recognize it
subconsciously. Okay. It's a bit flat.
We've probably been on the phone for two hours, so really loved our conversation.
Can we catch up soon and end it before it gets to that, Oh, so what are you doing?
Mark: Yeah, ending on a high note is a big one.
Um, my personal it, when I'm coaching women, I usually say, look, have 15-20 great minutes.
Pick a high note and that, make sure you tell him that you want to talk to him in a couple
of nights of time.
Yeah.
So end with a really positive green light and yeah, it just creates that healthy balance.
Especially if you are calling a couple of guys you know and you're getting to know different
people, which is fine. Totally normal part of dating.
Um, it does create a nice sort of like, let's get to the next call, which I've always loved
and I've seen women get really good results from.
Belinda: Yeah, but one thing that you were talking about before, is don't be distracted.
Mark: Yes. Huge one.
Belinda: Can I just Snapchat while we're talking now?
Mark: You can, as a guy, I'm sure as a woman too, you can sense when that person's mind
is not on the phone call and it sucks. It sucks.
It's just the biggest turn off when they're saying, Oh yeah, Oh no, I'm just messaging
my friend.
It's just, it's not good, if, if you, yeah, if you're going to commit to a phone call,
put everything else away for 15 minutes.
If you want to have a longer chat, put everything else away for the entire chat.
If you need to do other stuff, tell the guy, Hey, this has been an awesome chat.
I've got to go do this. Look, call me on Friday or whatever it is. Let's catch up on Saturday.
Yeah, don't be multitasking when you're on the phone.
It's the equivalent to texting when you're hanging out with your friends.
It's just everybody hates it or on a date.
Yeah. Terrible. Everybody hates it. So just don't. Concentrate.
Give them that quality time, build that quality connection and then you can do your other stuff.
Belinda: Yeah, yeah, I agree. Absolutely. Gotta be engaged.
Mark: Well that's it for today. Belinda, thank you so much for coming in.
It's been an absolute pleasure having you.
Tell us about your, you've got your channels as well.
Belinda: I do. I am, I'm on the Facebook, I'm on the Instagram and I'm on the YouTube.
So Facebook is be loved, uh be.loved.
Instagram is be.loved_coach.
Like it's all far. It's hard. Um, and then YouTube is be.loved. So yeah.
Mark: Beautiful. Make sure you check out our channel guys.
Check out all her social media stuff. We're here at Make Him Yours.
Obviously, you can subscribe to the channel with a button on the left there.
Check out the Facebook as well.
And we've got the blog at makehimyours.com.au/articles.
Thank you all for tuning in.
Let us know if you have more topics or anything else at all you want covered.
We're going to have Belinda back for more videos in the future, so I can't wait for that.
Thanks again for watching. We will see you soon.