I was a runaway child.
Every time the police brought me back, I was out the door again.
It's getting to the point I'm getting so frustrated...
..my mental health will deteriorate, Lily, it really will.
I've got my own front door key but guess where they've fucking put me.
Where are you? Newhaven.
I've been living in Newhaven for ten days now.
Feeling like shit, being honest.
Thinking about it now, I genuinely would honestly
rather go back in my tent.
I really would. I don't like it here.
Do you know what I mean? I don't speak to anyone really.
Like I said, I know people in the block but I don't speak to them.
It's just hard to get food and things over here.
I fucking hate it. I despise it.
I didn't want to go home last night.
I was going to sit out.
I thought this would be a safe place to stay because of the high-rise
buildings and the streetlights.
But, actually, I got attacked here.
I got kicked in the head and I had a concussion and that wasn't by a
homeless person.
There's a hostel just there that I've lived in, St Patrick's.
And I've also slept out here all over this part of town.
So, yeah,
doorways, parks.
Hostels.
See that road there, Farm Road.
That was my last job.
I worked up there in Coopers Cask as a chef.
Yeah, I know it's not part of the homelessness
but that's what I want to get back to.
Every time I walk past here and that board that says Coopers Cask on it,
it just reminds me of where I used to work and the life I had before.
I'd say a lot of the females on the street
do have some sort of boyfriend
or male friends that they kind of...
You pair up. Generally, people do pair up and women,
women generally don't pair up with other women, no.
You've generally got a group of, like, four or five with, say,
two women and the rest men.
And that is generally protection, company...
..just helping each other out.
All right, mate.
Say again.
Hello?
All right, I'll see you soon.
Yeah, four, yeah? All right, I'll see you soon.
All right, bye. Bye.
Two minutes are up. See you soon. Love you. Won't be long. OK.
Now all I've got to do is sit and wait now.
The hit I had was about five hours ago
and it's starting to wear off so I get really, I feel like I've got
a really bad cold and it's horrible.
It's a horrible, horrible feeling.
For over 12 years we split up.
We got reunited four years ago and ever since we got together,
within weeks of getting back together
we both started taking heroin.
Tony had never injected heroin until three and a half years ago
and now he's worse than me.
He's basically come up to me with drugs, knowing I'm clean,
and I've done the same, and said, "Do you want a hit?"
And neither of us have said no.
And we've gone back and forth, back and forth, and it's like,
I don't know what's going to stop me, to be honest.
All I do want to do right now is have a hit
and just let everything fade away for a little while.
And then back to reality in a few hours.
There's £5 there.
That's what I've got really for my food for the next couple of days.
So, I have to think forward, get some bread...
..and get some other bits to go with it.
JP'll probably have to go out begging again, or myself.
I have no choice but to, yeah,
because there's no other way to live.
Like, how am I supposed to get my tobacco?
How am I supposed to get food, shower stuff, and things like that?
I have to go out for my electricity.
If I ain't got, do you know what I mean?
If I ain't got a fiver for my electricity that's it,
you can't use fucking nothing.
Right, so we buy Kingsmill, it's 80p,
get some cheese spread to go on it.
Grab some energy right now whilst I'm rattling.
This is the shopping...
..that I buy which will now keep me...
..going to at least Saturday probably, longer than Friday.
I'm starting to feel a bit distanced from JP too a little bit, like,
since I've been over here.
And he feels that
I've distanced myself,
my friends feel like I've distanced myself from them.
Do you know what I mean? And generally, it's not...
I didn't have a choice in where I lived.
It's good but it's not.
Has she said to you that she feels quite lonely out there?
Yeah.
She said, I've got...
This is one of the better pitches that I've found.
During the day it's very, very busy.
But during the evening you'll get people
more talk to you than anything.
Sometimes that's quite nice.
Spare any change, please?
Everyone's got a blag, they call it. You can either say...
A lot of people say they're pregnant.
Now, I don't agree with that
but if you have to get money you have to get money.
That's one thing I would not do.
I've said it's my birthday quite a lot.
I'm not going to lie about it.
And just, yeah, there's a lot of different blags
and everyone's different.
I just normally just basically ask and that's it.
Spare any change, please?
Have a good day.
You have to beg in the morning to eat your dinner,
your food, your breakfast.
Then you can chill out for a couple of hours.
If you've had your hit of heroin,
you can chill out for a little while.
Then you have to go back out two or three hours later.
You're always on the go, basically.
You're always running around, walking around.
I do actually have, if you want to see...
Do you want to see it?
I do have a big abscess right on my side here,
which will need treatment from the hospital,
where I inject in the same spot every day.
Quite bruised and sore.
I started using drugs just over two years ago
to sort of heal the pain of losing my children.
And now I have quite a severe heroin habit.
I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, to be honest, at all.
Spare any change, please?
See, I just can't do it!
I'm looking for the pretty little shells, so I can...
..bag them all up.
We are going to see my daughter, who is nearly two.
It's the only time I get to see her once a month,
so I try and make it special.
It's very, very important.
Like, I generally...
Whether I'm ill on death's doorstep,
I will still crawl to that contact.
The doctors say that I can still be around my child,
then I will crawl to that contact centre.
It's just... I don't know, I'm a bit lost for words,
if you know what I mean. I'm really angry with her.
And I can't...
..do anything about it, like...
Apart from going to my solicitors and scream and shout at them.
And I'll feel bad to scream and shout at them
because it's not their fault.
It's the social worker's fault.
If she gets adoption,
then my contact will be reduced to completely nothing.
So, I'll see her for about three,
four times in one month and then she'll be wiped away.
But if...
..she gets special guardianship and things
I'm going in for direct contact,
so I'll still be able to see her once a year at least.
So, I'm trying to fight every possible corner that I can with her.
Injecting gear is way more important, but I do want housing.
And if I had to give up the drugs to get housed,
I think I could do it with help.
But right now the heroin is way more important.
It's such a...
..bad place to be in when you're clucking.
It's the lowest you'll ever get.
Makes me think about my kids, my family.
Just a vicious circle.
Money, drugs, money, drugs.
Sleep, money, drugs, money, drugs.
There's no escaping it right now.
Babe?
I've got to do it here, because...
Joe and some guy in a wheelchair
have been in there nearly half-hour doing their hit.
And I can't get in there, so I'm going to have to do it here.
That's what you get for £10.
How many of those do you have to do a day?
Four to six.
Yeah, it's disgusting, I know.
But what has to be done, has to be done, I'm afraid.
I have to be very careful because I'm in public.
If I get caught I could get arrested very easily.
Very, very easily.
Straight into my side.
One, two, three.
Done. Because I've been using so long...
..I don't really get a buzz any more, it just makes me feels better.
I do all right begging. At weekends I can make quite a lot of money.
I'm always ticking, think about my kids a lot
and how a disgrace I am to them right now.
But I will make my kids proud one day,
that is a guarantee. But right now I don't see any way out.
That's as simple as that. That's all I have to say.
I don't see a way out right now.
Morning. Morning. Hello, how are you? I'm all right, thank you.
Hi. 'Come in.'
Thank you. BEEPING
I'm taking my son's photos, that's what I've come to collect,
that's what I'm taking with me.
There's my son. He's just turned 12 in July and he lives with his dad.
There's really no point in me pulling him
into this senseless crap that I'm in.
He's top of his class and he's really popular.
So, um...
Yeah, he's probably going to stay there
for the remainder of his childhood.
I had him in my life till he was four.
And he's 12, so when he's 16 I'll see him.
He's going to come and we'll have a good chat.
When was the last time you saw him?
About six years ago.
It's harder being around my photos and coming back here.
It's harder...
..to see everything.
Kind of when you're out there
you don't really have to deal with any of this,
and then you come back to kind of deal with stuff.
And it just reminds you of what you've lost.
Evening.
I've got a wet tail. We've got our little radio.
I love my little radio.
That's what the batteries were for. It's an absolute life-saver, yeah.
I've got attention deficit hyperactive disorder.
Hence why I'm a bit of a chatter.
ADHD they call it.
I was on Ritalin, which made me worse.
I lived with my nan and grandad for years and had...
..everything I wanted. I had my own TV, my own room.
Um...
I was treated really well,
and unfortunately me and my grandad had a huge
blazing row one night and he chucked me out on the street at 16.
So, yeah.
Best part of the night is cuddling up.
Laying down and cuddling up, falling asleep. Having a hit, cuddling up.
But then having that first morning hit is amazing.
It is just the greatest feeling I've ever had,
apart from giving birth to my kids and falling love with my partner.
A good hit in the morning makes the day.
I have to admit.
We have enough on us to get us one hit each in the morning, but...
No, one and a half. One and a half. Each.
So, what do you think is the hardest thing about being homeless?
The drug... The money. The money side of things.
Having enough money for... I mean, even if you're not clean,
even if you're clean, alcohol will be an issue.
There'll be some sort of drug involved.
Space some change, please?
Have a lovely night, sweetie.
Spare some change, please?
Have a good evening, darling.
Have one for me.
HE CHUCKLES
Just stick with us. We always got a doorway to go to.
He's made and he's fucking greedy.
I don't care if he sees it, he's greedy.
I'm sick of it.
But I'm 21, got my whole life ahead of me,
I don't want to be part of this community.
I've experienced it, I'm done now.
I want to go and experience the real world.