[ Cell phone rings ]
Ethan: Y'ello?
Voice on phone: H-hello?
Ethan: Hi, who is this?
Ian: This is Ian. I just... I just got to your place, dude. I'm out front.
Ethan: Oh, cool. What up, man. Nice... cool, alright.
I'm gonna go let you in, um, come in through the garage, okay? I'll meet you there.
Ian: Through the garage?
Ethan: Yeah, just cr -- I'll meet you at the garage. I'll open it up for you.
Ian: Oh...okay.
Ethan: Alright. Ian: I'll be right there.
Ian: I'll be right there.
Ethan: Alright, cool
[ Garage Door Sound ]
Ethan: Oh shit.
Ian: What...What's the problem?
Ethan: Unfortunately... the garage door is having this weird issue.
Ethan: Oh, hey, there you are. Ian: Hey.
Ethan: How was the drive? Ian: Oh, it was good.
Ian: What's uh...what's the deal with the garage door?
[ Ethan giggles maniacally ] Ian: The garage door is broken,
The front door is broken.
Ethn: Can you fit under there?
Ian: Really, man?
Can-
[ Ian sighs ]
Can I crawl through a window or something?
Why- why does it have to be underneath the garage door?
Ethan: We don't have... our windows don't open.
Ian: I'm not this limber, dude.
[ Ian sighs ]
[ Ian groans ]
Ethan: I'm-I'm really sorry.
Here can...d'you need help?
[ Ian groans louder ]
Ian: Fuck.
Ethan: Can I give you a hand?
Ian: Yeah, I mean you could-
Ethan: Does this help?
Ian: Maybe a little bit.
Yeah, maybe get some LUBE, that would help.
Ethan: Yeah, just grab on to something. That helps.
[ Ian groans ]
Ethan: Ya lost your pants there, dude.
Alright here. Come on.
Ethan: I'm so sorry, dude. I don't know why- Ian: Yes.
Ethan: every time you come over it's just- it's such a fuckin' pain in the ass.
Ian: Yeah, I just hope the next time, nothing else is broken.
Ethan: We don't have a lot of guests so we just kinda do what works for us, y'know?
Ian: Yeah.
Is this the garage door opener right here?
Ethan: Yeah that's the one. You see? It doesn't work.
I told you, it doesn't work
[ Button clicking noises ]
It doesn't work, I wasn't lyin' to ya, dawg.
Ian: Fuck. You actually weren't lying?
Ethan: Yeah dawg.
Ian: Shit huh.
Ethan: What the fuck do ya think of me, dude!?
Ian: I thought it was just a gag or somethin'. Ethan: What do ya think of me-
Ethan: I'm not fuckin' with you, dawg
Come in. Come in. Go inside.
Ian: Eh... alright.
Ethan: Go inside.
Ian: Fuck.
[ Loud Garage Door Noise ]
Yeah, thanks for havin' me.
Alright, so were we gonna... film something?
I got a couple of video ideas.
Ethan: What, tonight? Ian: I wanted to...
Yeah, tonight.
Ethan: I don't know, dawg. I'm like 31 years old.
I think I'm gonna go to bed.
Ian: We'll be up even earlier to be able to film, yeah?
Ethan: Yeah, we'll see you at like 4 AM.
Ian: Yeah, that's fine, I guess.
Ethan: Okay, cool. I'm gonna go to bed.
Ian: I'll just...find my way to the guest bedroom and...
take a nap.
Ethan: Goodnight, dude.
Ian: 'Night.
[ Blowtorch clicks ]
[ Evil Blowtorch Noises ]
ETHAN: Just listen to me. Listen to the flame. [ Ian laughs nervously ]
Ethan: [ laughs ] Just listen to the flame, dude. Ian: The fuck?
Ethan: Now, come join me, dude. We're gonna have a fun day together.
Let's go fucking do this.
Dood, you've gotta check out Mr. Gear.
I know that you're a very skeptical person
Ian: Yeah.
Ethan: And uh, I know that you- er, that you are a shit talker and a hater. But you have to check out Mr Gear.
Ian: K, what?
Ethan: If you wanna-
Ian: If he has anything to do with what you're doing, I already don't like it.
Ethan: So Mr. Gear...
is a Youtube channel right now on- that's blowing up, like I've never seen anything like it.
If you go to his monthly stats,
he's clocking 300 million views and 1.6 million subscribers in the past 30 days.
Ian: I think one of the most remarkable things about what I'm seeing on the SocialBlade
is that the network who claims him is 'AIR'.
Ethan: Air?
Ian: Looks like it's the air who owns this channel.
Ethan: It's so mysterious, and also it's related to what he does.
Which is light it up.
Ian: Ah.
Ethan: He was clocking like 200,000 subscribers last Wednesday.
Ian: That definitely puts Logan Paul to shame.
Logan Paul: Huhuh, now I'ma strawbur-
Ethan: But the thing that's special about Mr Gear, that I think you'll enjoy
Is that when you watch his videos, you go 'I get it'.
I get why this is being recommended to everybody on Youtube.
Literally.
Anyone ever seen on every sidebar is Mr Gear's videos, because he's making the best content.
Ian: You must be sarcastic!
Ethan: I'm not fucking kidding!
Wait till you see this shit.
Ian: Alright, let's put it on.
[ Royalty Free DJ Dubstep Happy Dappy Doo Trance Music ]
[ Blowtorch hisses ]
Ethan: This is very emotional.
Ian: It's the start of a HowToBasic video, let's be honest.
[ Ethan laughs ]
Ethan: Except it never goes anywhere.
[Royalty Free Happy Trance Music]
Ethan: Get in the spirit, dawg. This is Mr Gear. This is the HOTTEST thing on Youtube right now.
Ian: Royalty free music over-
Ethan: It's a Disco party!
[ Royalty Free Disco Music ]
Ian: [ laughing ] It's a Disco party?
[ Royalty Free Disco Music ]
[ Blowtorch noises mixed with QUALITY DANCE MUSIC ]
Ethan: [ clapping ] Can I just just get one of these?
Ian: It's a disco party.
[ HERE COMES THE MUSIC BUILD UP!!!!! ]
[ Blowtorch hiss ]
Ethan: He's like, 'examine the soap',
'See that it's a real piece of soap.'
Ian: There's no cuts in the soap right now
Ethan: No sleight of hand.
Ian: He's kinda a magician in a way
[ Loud blowtorch hiss ]
Ethan: This is the best part!
He does this in every video, where he shows himself, like, heating up the knife.
Ian: Why are you shouting?
Ethan: Because it's really loud! The blowtorches are hella loud.
Ian: It doesn't really look like the same knife, from the thumbnail though...
Ethan: I mean in the thumbnail, it looks like he just took it out- fuckin' the goddamn lavas of Mordor.
Ian: The glow on the knife in the thumbnail is obscene,
but the glow I'm looking at now is weak.
Ian: And, ya know, he's this great Russian hacker sort of fella.
You'd imagine he'd have his own homemade little-
Uh, urn (kiln) that he could stick the knife into, heat it up around all the hot coals.
Ethan: Yeah.
Ian: And pull it out pretty consistently, but he's just, jury-rigging it.
Ethan: This is fucked.
Three Kmart blowtorches?
[ Terrible Squeaking Noise ]
Ian: A knife so hot you have to drag it back and forth to cut something?
Ethan: And push very hard, and can clearly see that he just cut through the bottom half.
Ian: Yeah, I like how when he rubs the knife it sounds like chewbacca noises.
[ Ear cancer ]
Ethan: Maybe that's how they did those chew-bakka sounds.
[ Ian laughs ]
Ethan: You know what I mean?
Ian: [ laughing ] Those 'ch-chewy-bakka' sounds.
Ethan: It could be.
Ian: Yeah guys, 'chew-bakka' here.
[ Ian making weird noises to mock Ethan ]
[ Ian laughs silently ]
Ian: S-
Ethan: And you wonder why I make you come out through the bit- the garage?
[ Blowtorch hiss ]
[ Royalty Free Disco Music ]
Ian: What will happen?
Ethan: I don't know! Is it- I don't know if it's gunna cut through.
I don't know maybe it's gunna bounce off like 'boum'.
You what I mean?
Ian: Oh, shit.
Maybe the ping pong ball is full of hot gas and it explodes!
Ethan: Explosion! The camera turns off. Static!
Ian: That would be sick.
Let's find out
[ Popping fire noises ]
[ Royalty Free Disco Music ]
[ Mild hyperventilating noises ]
[ Royalty Free Disco Music! now mixed with popping fire noises]
[ Chair shaking noise ]
[ Fire Pop Disco Music now available on Itunes ]
Ethan: DUDE!
Oh! Dude it's in slowmo tho!
Ian: Look at the frame rate on that!
[ R A V E M U S I C ]
Ethan: How are you not vibing right now?
Ian: I'm in shock!
[ Hissing progressively getting louder ]
Ian: Yeah I actually have a feeling that this guy's just filming this all in his mom's house.
Ethan: You- I know why you thought that.
Ian: Why's that?
Ethan: The floral plate. [ Ian laughs ]
Ethan: The floral fucking plate.
No single grown man owns floral plates.
Ian: No.
[ Hissing noise ]
[ Russian ]
Ethan: He's panicking. He's like shit, Mom's going to be pissed.
The soda's getting everywhere.
Ethan: So my favourite thing besides Mr. Gear making really excellent content,
Ian: Mhm.
Ethan: is that he's also using his platform for really good-to reach out to his young, impressionable fans.
Ian: What do you mean?
Ethan: Well for example look at this pinned comment that he's been leaving on all of his videos.
"Hi my dear friends! If you want to get acquainted with me, please email me at mrgearfriendship@gmail.com.
In the letter tell me briefly about yourself. Sorry, I can't answer everyone, but I'll answer the most interesting emails.
Have a good day!"
Ian: Wow!
He just wants a friend.
Ethan: He wants all these young kids to email 'im,
but, sorry he can't answer everyone - only the most interesting ones.
Ian: Well who knows?
What he might mean by that is...
Ethan: Dick.
Ian: the ones are of age.
Ethan: Dick.
He wants the little kid dick.
Ian: [ European accent ] I don't know maybe you send me picture of little boy cock, maybe you don't.
Ethan: I just want friend, yeah. Ian: Yeah.
Ethan: I can't answer everybody.
Ian: [ Accent ] Oops! Oops! I accidentally opened horrible email. Lots of baby cock.
Ethan: Yeah.
Ian: [ Accent ] I accidentally put that into folder and save on hard drive.
Ian: [ Accent] Fuck!
Ethan: Now my favourite part about this whole Mr. Gears thing
is how it's like fucking with YouTubers.
Ian: Oh yeah, they don't.
Ian: Is my shit wrong? What should I do? I gotta do- Ethan: Right-
Ian: what he's doing.
Ethan: Right, like my favourite thing is, if you go to ComedyShortsGamer,
who's a very funny- I like his videos, generally speaking he's cool guy,
but like he made a hot knife-
Another one - Noooo.
Ian: Nine hours ago.
Ethan: There's a new one. He just converted his channel to an un-ironic hot knife channel.
You're expecting him to be like "Hey, this trend's fucking stupid so I'm gunna make a parody of it."
Ian: Right.
Ethan: Like, self-aware.
Ian: Right.
Ethan: Watch this.
ComedyShortsGamer: HEY GUYS!
Ethan: 'HEY GUYS!'
Ian: That scared me.
ComedyShortsGamer: HEY GUYS!
Ethan: Heh, it's every time he gets you man.
Ian: Fuck.
ComedyShortsGamer: I'm gunna be cutting things now.
I'm gunna be heating up a knife
And literally cutting things.
So you know what? Let's do it!
Alright.
Ethan: So that's it.
Ian: Yeah.
Ethan: And then-
He do- he just cuts shit.
CSG: Jesus Christ! Jesus!
Oh My God!
Jee- Oh Wow!
Ian: I don't think they realise that...
Mr Gear, he's special.
He's not just taking a wide-angle shot of the entire kitchen...
Ethan: Preach.
Ian: He's doing a little macro shot of the thing getting cut.
Ethan: It's-
Ian: You can't just cut shit and get views. Ethan: Preach
Preach. Preach.
Well apparently you can, because he usually gets less than a million views.
This one got 3 million in one day.
And all his fans were like 'Fuck this'! 43,000 thumbs down.'
But everyone else on that Mr. Gear train was like who's this-
'WHAT'S UP GUYS!!!'-
[ chuckling ] high energy-
CSG: HEY GUYS!
Ethan: you know, charismatic guy, right?
Who can also cut.
So he's got charisma and cutting power, everyone's on the train.
*Blowtorch flame*
Ian: Like that?
Ethan: OW!!!!!!
Yo dawg, what the fuck!
[ Heavenly Music ] Ian: [ Slow mo ] Like that
Ethan: [ Slow mo ] OOOWW!!!!!!
[ Heavenly Music ] Ethan: [ Slow mo ] Yo dawg, what the fuck!
OOOoooOOOooWWwwww!
[ Heavenly Music ]
Ethan: [ chuckling ] You actually singed my fucking hairs.
[ Ian giggles ]
Ethan: What the hell?!
I give you the torch for 5 seconds and you're fucking burning me.
Ian: It's cool though.
CSG: [ Audio cutting in and out ] WASSUP GUYS?
COMEDYSHORTSGAMER HERE.
I'm going to- I'm going to be heating up this sword.
And cutting things.
So you know what? Let's go straight into it!
Ian: If you wanna make a Mr. Gear tribute video,
Ethan: Right.
Ian: like this one,
Ethan: Right.
Ian: you can just say, 'By the way, Mr. Gear's a thing',
'WHAT'S UP GUYS?'
Ethan: That was better.
Ian: Oh okay.
Ethan: That's better. Almost there. But you're getting there.
Ian: Oh okay.
CSG: HEY GUYS!!!!
Ethan: I just got this crazy idea dude.
Let's go like burn some shit.
Ian: Let's do it.
Ethan: YEAH!
Ian: Well let's not- let's hot- let's heat up things-
Ethan: Heat it up
In unison: And then
No longer in unison: slice (cut it) cut it thiiinnggs (iiings)
Ethan: It's so original, I don't think anyone's done it on YouTube.
Ian: Definitely not.
Ethan: This gunna be sick.
This fucking-I am so-
Ian: Red hot nickel nine.
Ethan: Hooolyy shit you guys!
I haven't seen anyone use 10 of them before.
Ian: This is actually pretty empowering I must say, now that we're doing I'm doing it.
Ethan: We are the first people that have ever done this.
Oh it's getting RED!
Ian: It's getting red.
[ Ethan giggles excitedly ]
Ethan: [ clapping ] It's getting red! It's getting red!
[ Ethan and Ian chant about the color red ]
Ethan: Let's do a new thumbnail moment with the red one.
It's real!
[ Blowtorch hiss ] + Thumbnail
Ethan: [ clapping ] It's getting red!
Ian: It's orange!
Ethan: It's getting red!
Ian: Woooo!
Ethan: Wahahahhhh!
Ian: I-What do I do?
What do I do?
Ethan: Cut some butter!
[ Butter Liquefies Intensely ]
[ Deafening ] NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
WOOOOOAAHH!
[ Ancient Latin, invoking Satan ]
Ethan: Stop! Stop!
[ Ancient Aramaic, invoking the Demons of the 7th Realm ]
Ethan: Maybe we should... turn off the torches?
Ian: Oh. Hila: It's kinda getting smoky.
[ "It's Getting Red!!" Chant ]
Ian: Red HOOOT!!!
[ Calling Cthulhu, trying to wake him up from his slumber on R'lyeth ]
Ethan: It's done.
Ian: Red hot.
Hila: It's getting smoky in here.
Ethan: Shut up hater!
You just fucking hate it 'cause we
'SLAMMIN!
Ian: REDHOT BITCH!!!!
So this Red Hot.
Hila: It's really smoky-
Ethan: You're hating-
[ In in the tune of 'Y u always lyin' ] Why you always hatin'?
Ethan: Red Hot.
Unison: Red Hot.
Red Hot.
Red Hot!
Not in unison anymore: Red Hot!
Ethan: Alright this is going to be insane you guys.
I'm gonna fucking cut some cool whip with this knife.
Ethan: Hoooly Shit! Ian: Red HOOOOOOOOT!!!!
Ethan: Red Hot! Ian: OOOOOOOHHH!
[ Orgasm Intensifies ] OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ethan: THAT WAS
INSAAAAAANEEEEE!
Ian: WHATUUUUP!!!!
Ethan: NOW YOU'RE DOING IT!
NOOOOOOO!!!!!
CSG: HEY GUYS!
Ethan: OOOOHHHHHHHH!!!
[ Blowtorch hiss ]
Hila: It's getting smoky, I'm kinda worried.
Ethan: Stop HATIIING loser.
You're just mad 'cause we're slammin' that butter and coOL WHIP.
Ian: Fire makes smoke, big deal.
Ethan: Wow!
I'm going in for a raisin.
Ian: Noo!
Unison: OOOOHHHHH!!!
Ian: NOOO!!!
Ethan: Hahaha!
Waaa!!!
Ian: What the fuck!
Ethan: That was inSAAAAAANE!
Hila: You guys should stop. I'm really worried about this.
[ Butter sizzling ]
Ethan: You hear the sizzle?
Sizzle = subs.
Unison: Sizzle = subs.
Unison: Sizzle = subs!
Unison: SIZZLE = SUBS!
[ Ethan coughs ]
Ethan: Ugh!
[ Ethan coughing ]
Ethan: Let's keep going, dude.
[ Ian coughing ]
Ethan: Just keep going, dawg.
[ Ian coughing ]
Ethan: Sizzle = subs, dude.
[ Ethan groans ]
Ian: It's really hot [ cough ]
Ethan: Don't worry about it.
Ian: Ah, it's fucking burning my fingers, dude.
Ethan: [ chuckling ] Naw, don't worry, sizzle = subs dawg.
Unison: Red Hot.
Unison: Ooooohhhh!!!!
Ethan: Ooooh!!!
Ian: Red Hot!
Ian: Now either we'll get a lot of views for doing scissors-
Ethan: Sizzles = subs.
Ian: Scissors sizzle-
Ethan: Sis-sizzling scissors = subs.
[ Ethan dryheaves ]
Ethan: Is it getting smoky in here?
Hila: It's really smoky.
Ethan: What if... [ coughs ]
Ian: No red hot,
Red hot, it's red hot.
Ethan: This is going to be insane. Here, do that.
Hila: I think the house is burning.
Ethan: Nooooo!
Ethan: Waaaaayy!!!! Ian: Ooohhhhh!!!
Ethan: Shit shit shit shit- Ian: HOLY SHIT!
Ethan: What do we do?
What do we do?
Throw it in- Burn it!
Burn it. Burn it.
Ethan: Burn it. Hila: It's on fire!
Ethan: Burn it. Burn it.
It's safer.
Ian: Aw fuck!
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck-
Ethan: Let's get out of here, dude!
Ian: Fuck.
[ Ethan dryheaves ]
Ethan: What the fuck! There's so much smoke!
Hila: You gotta put out the fire!
[ Distant coughing sounds ]
Ethan: Hila, get out!
Get out, Hila!
[ coughs ]
Save yourself.
Hila: Are you okay?
[ Ian coughing ]
Ethan: We sizzled too much!
We sizzled too... close.
[ coughing ]
Ethan: GET OUT, Hila!
Get out!
[ coughing ]
[ Blowtorch hiss ]
Hila: Goodbye...
[ Door closes ]
ComedyShortsGamer: HEY GUYS!
[ I'm Ethan Bradbury- ]
[ Sick Outro Music Dawg ]