- [Matt] Devious, naughty.
- [Simon] Crafty.
- [Dan] Sabotage.
We all love going for a ride with our mates, having a chat, and just generally
being sociable. But let's face it, beneath that friendly exterior,
there's going to be more than a little bit of healthy competition underneath.
- But what happens if your mates are actually faster than you?
How do you get the edge over them? Well, don't tell them, but here are 10 devious
tricks that you can use to help you beat your mates.
- But whatever you do, don't try these at home. Devious.
♪ [music] ♪
- Now, this takes a little bit of forward planning, but it's one of the most
undetectable tricks in the book. You need a bucket of water and a track pump,
and then it's simply a case of sucking water into the pump and then blowing it
into the tire. Oh, yeah. Keep going until you get to 100 psi, and by that point,
you'll have added enough weight to seriously hamper your friend's
performance, but not too much. Then they're not instantly going to notice.
They'll take a while before they're ruined.
- Sabotage. Guys, just knock it back just very, very
slightly. I'm just... something's not quite right.
- What's up, mate?
- Just a bit, sort of sluggish. I feel that...just knock one [inaudible 00:01:40]
off, and I'll be all right.
- No, you'll be all right. Why don't we just see you at the top?
- Naughty. This will be a bit quicker to carry out,
and will still reduce your friend's performance, as well as driving them
totally crazy. There's nothing worse than thinking the saddle is the wrong height,
aside of which from it actually being the wrong height. But nothing too drastic,
just about one cm or so, just enough to sow the seeds of doubt.
♪ [music] ♪
- That will do nicely. Shh.
- Just can't quite get the power out.
- You look all right, just ride through. You'll be fine, honestly.
Just get into a rhythm.
- I just can't. It's like my seat has slipped or something.
- You look all right to me, Si. It's just in your head. Just man up, yeah?
- Sabotage.
♪ [music] ♪
- Are you always last to the top of climbs? Well, maybe all it takes is a
couple of turns of a screwdriver or an Allen key when you're a Catholic.
Now, just two or three turns to the lower limit screw on the front mech, and you're
done. Then it's just about picking your moment to attack. We suggest just at that
moment when your friend's chain comes off.
♪ [music] ♪
- You know it makes sense.
- Do you ever get those days where you just can't seem to clip into your pedals
when you want to? I mean, this is Matt Stephens' bike, and we all know he gets
those days every time he rides.
- [Beep] sake.
- But what can make it even funnier is if it's not even his fault.
Just get a conveniently-sized stone or twig, wedge it in the back.
Then just sit back, wait, and enjoy.
- Okay.
- Guys, I've got...no, honestly, the pedal's gone funny.
- You all right, Matt? We're not waiting for you.
- I know, there's something... it's not working. Guys!
- Crafty. We all know the value of hydration, and sports nutrition
has a big part to play in that, so why not get rid of this valuable
mix of electrolyte and carbohydrate and replace it with an alternative mix of
electrolyte and carbohydrate? Beer.
♪ [music] ♪
- Sabotage.
- I know this is going to sound really weird, Si, but since that last caffi stop,
my drink has started tasting like a sort of over-sickly orange flavor.
The energy drink tastes like it was thirst-quenching beer.
I feel brilliant!
- It should work for most people.
- Crafty.
♪ [music] ♪
- Sometimes the old ones are the best ones. All this little trick takes is a
quick nudge of the brake caliper, and as soon as you start, you'll find out that
your strong companion is soon struggling.
- Yeah, okay. All right.
- Ready?
- Yeah, let's roll.
♪ [music] ♪
- Naughty.
♪ [music] ♪
- This next one rather relies on someone with a good sense of humor and a riding
mate who can tell a good joke, little bit like me, in fact. Well-timed joke is a
nice, uninvasive way of getting one over on your mates on the steep part of a
climb.
Hey, did I tell you the one about this guy I met the other day?
He's married to this girl called Lorraine, and they were married for,
like, seven, eight years, and then he met this other girl called Clearly...
I can see Clearly now, Lorraine has gone.
♪ [music] ♪
- Oi! That's cheating!
- Oh, sneaky!
♪ [music] ♪
Is that super strong rider in your group someone that, in every climb,
gets in the zone, fully concentrated, aiming for their own star record or
someone else's? Well, if they are, they've got a serious chink in their armor,
because they haven't got any spatial awareness. Once the climb starts, and they
start pressing on again, roll up behind them, just gently place your hand
underneath the saddle, hold on gently, and just ease off the pedals.
They're so in the zone, they can't even notice.
Well done, Si. You are bossing it today, mate. Think there's a headwind.
Really going well.
- Oh, sabotage.
If you've really got a killer instinct, you should always be on the lookout for
little places where you can sneak an advantage.
- Whoa!
- Think outside the box.
- Jeez! What are you doing? Oi!
Naughty.
♪ [music] ♪
We've said this before in a legitimate video about going faster for free,
but we're going to say it again. Be crafty, be stealthy. Sit in out of the
wind on the flats, so you're nice and fresh for the climbs, where you can hit
your mates as hard as you can. Boom! Get in! But do this too much,
you ought to be a little bit careful, you might end up having no more mates to beat.
But, to be honest, I don't care. Here we go! Woo hoo! I'm the winner.
Yes, I am. Woo hoo!
Devious.
- Crafty.
- Naughty.
- Sabotage.
- But whatever you do, don't try these at home.
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