♫ Where in the world is Superwoman today
Malaysia, and I actually just landed after an 11 hour flight
so bear with your girl.
(unicorn hoof beats)
What up everyone, it's your girl Superwoman,
and I've been on a lot of flights during my tour
which means I've watched a lot of movies on these flights,
especially romantic comedies.
Why?
Because I love to rub salt in my single wounds.
Well, whatever salt is leftover after my tequila shots.
(sighs)
And every time I watch romantic comedies,
I find myself asking the exact same question
every single time.
And that is, where do these people exist in real life?
These movies set unrealistic expectations
and to be honest, it's f-ing me right up
in the following ways.
Number one, apologies.
So I was watching a movie the other day and this dude
says something so whack to his wife,
but she doesn't vocalize that she's upset.
You know what I mean?
Like she doesn't let him know,
one of those like if you don't know
I'm not going to tell you type situations.
But as an audience member you know she's pissed.
So she comes home from work later on and I'm just like
yes, damn Gina, this about to be lit.
You'se about to get whupped.
I'm there waiting for the drams and then all of a sudden
he's like, gives her a hug and kiss and is like
babe I'm so sorry about the comment I made earlier,
and nails exactly why she's upset.
And I'm sitting there like...
Is this a movie or a spiritual awakening?
No is this a sermon from church
like is someone about to walk for the first god damn time?
What is this miracle upon us?
Furthermore how did you get him that whipped?
Dare I say what is this miracle whip?
Like yo you sure your boyfriend ain't Miss Cleo.
Like was your first date a free tarot reading?
Like girl what is going on,
because I cannot think of even one time
in the history of my life,
where a boy apologized to me for something
without me telling him exactly why I'm upset.
Because that's not possible, okay, these types of humans
do not exist unless you want me to go speed dating
at f-ing Hogwarts, that's not an option.
If I ever had a guy apologize to me so accurately
without me telling him through a game of mother f-ing
Pictionary exactly what was wrong, I would just be like,
take me.
(laughing)
Not to mention the ease of the apology in these movies,
just like, I'm sorry.
Oh babe that's okay.
I love you.
I love you too.
Boom sex scene.
In my life thus far it's gone like this.
Okay fine I'm sorry.
No F you I'm still mad.
I said I was sorry.
Sorry is just a word.
You on a 90 day probation.
And you're out here showing me effective communication
and high functioning adults like that ish is attainable?
Stop selling me lies, okay.
Ain't nobody parents got along that good
when they were growing up to have that type of example
and do that.
Telling me all types of trash.
Hi yeah, is my therapist free at two?
Number two, grand gestures.
In romantic comedies, people, especially guys,
are willing to do these grand life changing gestures
for the sake of their relationship, like
I'ma quit my job for you.
Move across the world for you in a heartbeat, right?
Give up something really important to me.
And this happens 45 minutes into the movie,
so once again I must ask, how?
I once had a boyfriend for two years okay,
and this mother f-er would not even share his
two can dine for 9.99 McDonald's coupon with me
and that ish is for two people.
He just walk into the place like,
"Uh yeah I'm going to take two Big Mac combos,
"and then whatever she wants.
"What's that?
"Yes we're paying separately."
(laughing)
The speed of commitment in these movies.
I get you're trying to tell a story in a condensed format,
but y'all are moving in after two weeks.
Two weeks!
Okay it took me 10 months to give my boyfriend
my Netflix password.
Just like, hmm, I don't know if this is worth my 14.99
subscription yet.
I just don't want to rush into things.
No, no like I love you.
I love you.
I just, I'm really particular
about the continue watching section.
I don't know if I'm willing to sacrifice that yet, so.
(laughs)
The mother f-ing accuracy though.
Number three, family first impressions.
In romantic comedies, your partner confidently shows up
the first time they got to meet your parents just
looking on point.
They brought a gift.
They're responding so boldly.
They are the bomb dot com.
In real life, though, when people meet parents
for the first time, okay, they're sweating buckets
and saying all the wrong things.
I once introduced my boyfriend to my parents
who I obviously lied about and said he was just a friend
and you know what he said to them?
He said, "Oh yes, I drink occasionally."
Occasionally?
We were 15 years old.
What the F you mean you drink occasionally.
When you're 15 and you're meeting my parents you say
yo I drink apple juice from a juice box
while freaking catching Pokemon in Pokemon Snap
with my velcro shoes that light up.
Are you dumb?
And I've had other boyfriends that are so nervous
when they meet my parents
that they don't even say a thing.
They're completely silent,
and I'm just like surprise Mom and Dad.
He's actually a god damn mime.
Yeah we communicate in sign language.
It's real special.
We actually met in the club.
I thought he was just whipping and nae nae-ing
but apparently he was asking me out.
And I think God every day that I understood his whip.
You could even say it was a...
Number four, adulting.
Have you ever noticed in romantic comedies
that people are super independent
at the tender age of like 24.
You see 23 and 24 year olds looking like grown adults,
okay just wearing fitted suits with their life together
in CEO type positions.
And you see these people and you're like,
am I doing life wrong?
Because in real life 24 year olds
don't know what the F they're doing.
Okay, 24 year olds are still puking after a night out
because they haven't figured out their tolerance yet.
24 year olds are still like, yo what am I supposed to do
with this degree?
In real life 24 year olds are still saying things like,
when I grow up I want to be.
and then I watch these movies
and these people got their lives all sorted out
in just a mere 90 minutes
and I'm like, girl I'm 28 and I'm still like
when the hell am I getting my period?
I'm out here writing Instagram captions asking my friend
how to spell the word schedule still.
I'm out here sitting on the floor next to an outlet
because my phone is dead, okay.
My life is in shambles.
I'm clueless.
I have not a single clue.
I'm standing here like okay yeah I think the maid
murdered her in the living room with the wrench.
And everyone else is like, uh we're playing Monopoly.
Number five, the sexual intercourse.
In romantic comedies everyone is so confident
when it comes to sexual intercourse.
I get it you're hot actors.
You have the benefit of like angles and lighting
and post production, but even still,
y'all are always ready.
No prep needed.
Like you're telling me, character A, that you just had this
random hookup with a guy
and your bra and panties are matching
and all your ish is smooth and exfoliated?
Girl if I had a date on Tuesday,
my calendar would be blocked from Friday to Monday
in preparation.
I'm out here on the weekend Googling body scrubs,
filling my bathtub with honey and grapefruit.
And then there's you in this movie.
Just finished a long day at work, probably worked overtime.
Bumped into someone, decided to get jiggy with it.
DIdn't even feel the need to use a wet wipe
and you look like that naked?
Spare my self-esteem, please, Mila Kunis okay?
Because I'm the type of homey that's gonna shave
and lotion half of her legs if she's wearing capris.
Why?
Because I'm out here trying to survive.
(laughs)
JK, I ain't surviving.
I'm out here conquering like a Bawse.
This seems like a good segue.
That's right I have two more stops left
on my Bawse book tour here in Malaysia on the 23rd
is one of them.
You can still get tickets at lillysinghbook.com/tour.
My last stop on the 24th is in Singapore
and you can get tickets at the same place.
Last two stops.
Thank you so much for the support thus far.
I just burped, tried to cover it up.
But yo come to my tour if you want to come to my tour.
That's all I gotta say.
Let's go to the end card.
I just shot this video after 11 hours on a flight.
I hope it made you laugh.
If it did please give me a thumbs up
because that would just make my day.
You can check out my last video over there.
Vlogs from on tour are right over there.
Make sure you subscribe because I make new videos
every Monday and Thursday from somewhere in the world.
One love Superwoman.
That is a wrap and zoop!