I really like you, but I’m not ready for a relationship right now.
We have so much fun together, but I don’t want anything serious…
Let’s just hang out and have fun.
If that sounds familiar to you, then stay right here because I’m going to tell you
exactly what to do to turn things around and have him pleading for a committed relationship
with you.
Don’t go anywhere because we are starting right now.
hi everyone.
I’m dr Antonio Borrello, Welcome to another video.
This channel is all about helping you build great relationships so you can grow happy
with the people you love.
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anything.
… on to the steps to get him to commit
OK.. so you’re in this situation where you’ve been dating a man that you really like, you’ve
been spending time together and getting to know one another.. things feel great and You’re
feeling like this is the beginning of a new relationship.
but when the relationship topic comes up, he tells you that he doesn’t want anything
serious, and he’s not ready for a relationship at this time.
He just wants to continue dating and doing what you’ve been doing but no commitment..
nothing serious.
And that leaves you in a difficult situation because you want a committed relationship
but you’re not sure if he just needs a little more time to get to know you, or if he is
just wasting your time and will eventually hurt you.
So, what do you do?
Well, if you can follow these steps, you’ll have him begging for a relationship in no
time.
1.
Give yourself a time frame.
Relationships are all about timing.
So, if this is a relatively new situation, perhaps he just needs a little more time to
be sure.
Waiting and giving him that time to make a decision has some very important benefits…
first, it shows him that you respect his decision making process.
It shows him that he is worth the wait, and it allows him to develop a deeper connection
with you.
And that might be exactly what he needs.
So, give yourself a time frame of 6 weeks… maybe two months and in the meantime, you’re
going to be doing all of these tips.
Now, if you’re in this situation but you’ve already been together for 6 months, you still
need to give yourself a timeline and an opportunity for these steps to work-- but maybe only 2-4
weeks.
2.
Stop Thinking about and talking about commitment for now
And there are two reasons for this..
1 this usually isn’t an issue that gets resolved in one day and 2.
Handling the situation in the wrong way will usually backfire and make your situation worse.
So, during the time frame that you’ve established, you have to stop talking about commitment.
If you’ve already had the discussion and you are on different pages of the book, further
discussing or trying to convince him of your point of view, will make things worse.
The more you talk about it, the more pressure he will feel and that’s not a good thing.
He knows what you want and every time you bring it up, he pulls further and further
away from you.
If you really want this guy to finally commit to being in an exclusive relationship, you
need to stop bringing up anything to do with the future or with the relationship altogether.
And, you’re also going to give yourself a vacation from worrying and thinking about
it for now.
Because constantly worrying about why he doesn’t want a relationship is an uncomfortable and
insecure position to be in.
And when you are worried about whether or not he want’s you, you’re less likely
to focus on something even more important…
DO YOU LIKE HIM?
ARE YOU Compatible with him?
So for now… give yourself a little vacation from it.
3.
Stop giving him everything he wants When a person has everything they want, what
is their incentive to try harder?
What is the incentive to change?
I mean if you are hanging out together.. and acting like boyfriend and girlfriend and he’s
happy.. why would he change anything?
he’s getting all of his needs met, right? he is getting his need for companionship,
attention, friendship, intimacy, sex… he’s getting all of his needs met, he’s not going
to change just to be nice… and on top of that.. when he says he doesn’t want a relationship
right now, many women try harder to be that thoughtful, loving girlfriend… hoping that
he will fall deeply in love with them and then he will certainly want a committed relationship…
nope it doesn’t work like that.. he’s happy, he’s satisfied just the way things
are… why change when he doesn’t have to.
So, you’re going to have to set some boundaries for yourself, for him, and for the relationship….
That means that you are going to have to start saying no to him.. you’re going to have
to disappoint him.. and that’s ok.
You’re going to have to set expectations of him and make him meet them.
So, you can’t be his last minute booty call.. you can’t continue to just meet him for
a Netflix and chill.. you’re going to have to let him know you’re expectations… let
him know that if he wants to see you, he’s going to have to make plans with you and take
you on a proper date… when he offers you scraps, you have to turn him down.. for example…
he calls you last minute on Sunday evening and wants to come over.. he says he misses
you and he wants to see you…
well, you’re going to tell him that you miss him too.. you’d like to see him too..
so, if he wants to plan a date.. you’d love to see him, but at the moment you’re not
available.
Oh. .. and when you tell him no, don’t be surprised when he attempts the same thing
tomorrow.
So, you’ve got to be ready to tell him no several times… and I have to really stress
this point here because I don’t want you to hesitate on this one…
what are you asking him for.. are you asking for some unreasonable demand?
No.. you’re simply asking him to treat you with respect and plan a date, right?
If he gets angry and “breaks-up” with you..
consider yourself lucky.. he was only using you.
4.
Make Him Work for it People care more when they put more effort
into their relationships, So, make him work for it.
Don’t make everything so easy for him..
Make him invest in you and try harder.. and When he does, he will be increasing his feelings
of love and appreciation for you.
And I’m not talking about money.. im talking about allowing him to help you with things..
small favors, helping you complete a project at home,.
Help with studying.. things that take time and effort.
The more he invests, the more he will like you as a result…
I know it seems counterintuitive, but trust me… we appreciate and value the things we
work hard for.
Remember IRELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT MADE IN HEAVEN.
THEY COME IN INDIVIDUAL KITS THAT TAKE TIME AND EFFORT TO PUT TOGETHER… and it takes
both parties working together… sometimes its 50-50.. sometimes its 60-40 and other
times its 40-60.. its all about balancing each other and supporting one another when
needed.
Healthy relationships require sharing the effort and the work.
That means sharing the decisions on choosing restaurants and deciding on movies to see.
That means you share in deciding who to spend time with, the music you listen to (in the
car), and the TV shows you watch together.
So, instead of agreeing to watch football with him all day, ask him to binge watch a
show that you will both enjoy.. and when he loves it, you now have something more in common.
Ask him to help you with everyday chores and taking care of your needs.
And when he does, he will be valuing and appreciating you more as a result.
So, the bottom line is that you have to allow him to invest his time, his effort and his
energy..
If he wants to see you, make him come to your side of the town.. let him pick you up....
And I understand It can be difficult for some people to do this..
Some people are very agreeable and work hard to be the perfect girlfriend and it doesn’t
work..
If this is you, be careful… this behavior is not sustainable and in time, will cause
you to be underappreciated and undervalued.
5.
Keep Your Options open.
I know, I know.. you don’t want to date anyone else, right?
You’re not interested in dating multiple men, right..
Ok.. here me out on this.. so you want this guy to commit to you because you really like
him, you see potential, and you have a great time together… it feels like you’re already
a couple, so why is it so easy for him to tell you that he doesn’t want a commitment..
why is it easy for him to tell you that he doesn’t want anything serious?
Well, one of the biggest reasons… he’s not worried that you are going anywhere.
He’s not worried about any other man winning your heart… and that is HUGE.. see one of
the biggest reasons why people get into committed relationships is because they are worried
that if their partner is dating others.. then they might like another person more.. it’s
fear based, right.
So they want you to get into a committed relationship so that you’re off the market.. well, why
isn’t this guy worried about taking you off the market?
Well, it’s because you have convinced him that you only want him… so he’s not worried
that you’re going anywhere.. and, many of you are probably saying.. yeah, I’m not
interested in dating anyone else…
I understand..
I hear you.. and so does he.
So, he can comfortably tell you that he doesn’t want a commitment because he has no fear that
you’re going anywhere.. no fear that he’s going to lose you to another man.. he knows
how you feel.. he knows what you’re up to.. he knows he has nothing to worry about.. so,
let me ask you again….
If he knows he’s not going to lose you to another man.. if he knows you’re not interested
or willing to date anyone else… if he’s not worried that someone else might treat
you better, why would he change?
Why would he try harder…. he doesn’t have to worry that someone else might give you
what you want.. he doesn’t have to worry that someone else is going to make you happy…
and he can just continue to coast and do what he’s doing.. and you’ll be right there
waiting for him.
so, until your guy finally realizes that you’re the girl from him, don’t stop dating other
men.
Keep your options open even if you’re not particularly interested in these other guys.
Don’t be obnoxious or in his face about it…
You don’t want to be accused of trying to make him jealous..
Instead, keep your social calendar full of dates with others, and you will be less worried
about what your guy is doing, and He will definitely notice that you’re not as available
as you once were, and it will add just the right amount of anxiety to get him to take
action.
And, if and when he asks you about it… tell him that you’re keeping your options open..
after all, he is the one who didn’t want a commitment, right?
6..
Have the talk after your time frame.
As I mentioned earlier, if this is a new relationship, perhaps he needed some time to really make
a decision about wanting a relationship.
But, if you’ve been doing the last four steps, he is very likely to bring up the commitment
talk himself… especially if you are as compatible as you think.
But, if he doesn’t bring it up himself, at some point after your time frame has past,
you will need to initiate the conversation….
And when you do and he tells you again that he isn’t ready for a relationship.. this
is what you need to say.. let him know that you understand that he is unsure or confused…
and that like you, he deserves to be in the happiest and best relationship for him..
let him know that is super important to you… and then let him know of a solution that might
really help him… and that is that he needs to take some time and be alone so he can figure
it out.. yes.. you are the one who suggests to him that he needs time away to figure it
out… because again… everyone deserves to be happy and to be with the person they
are 100% sure of.. and committed to that relationship.
When you tell him that….. in the nicest most sincere way possible, you are letting
him know that you want him to be happy… and you want him to figure it out.. you’re
also telling him that this situation isn’t meeting your needs… because you need someone
who is all in and sure.
So, In the meantime, you’re going to continue to date because you want a relationship…
and when he figures it out.. maybe you’ll still be available.. maybe.
Lol.
Maybe you’ll be in a relationship.. maybe you’ll be married.
When you handle the conversation in This manner, you are conveying the following messages to
him.
First, you’re letting him know that you care about his well-being and want The best
for him, even if that doesn’t include you.
You’re also letting him know that you are not willing to tolerate or except anything
less than 100% from a person.
You’re letting him know that you deserve more and you are showing love for yourself
and will not except less than you deserve.
And lastly you’re showing him that you have the confidence that you will find what you
were looking for and despite being disappointed you know that this is the right thing to do.
You’re also letting him know that your life doesn’t stop as you wait around for him
to figure it out.
Now, if he cares about you and really has feelings for you, this conversation is likely
to be a game changer… if not immediately, certainly within a few days.
But he has to know that you are serious and not just bluffing.
So, once you have had this conversation, it’s now time for him to take action.. but you
cannot continue to date him and see each other.
If you continue to see him you’re letting him know that it’s OK to continue casually
dating and you’re letting him know that he doesn’t have to make any type of decision.
This lowers your value and shows that you care about his feelings maybe more than your
own.
Don’t do it….
don’t fool yourself into believing you can wait it out and that things will work out.
If you continue dating casually without a commitment you’re going to sabotage any
possibility of a relationship with him.
So yeah.
Doing nothing is not an option.
And if he let’s you go and doesn’t step up his game, know that this relationship was
never going to happen and never meant to be.
It is easy to get hung up on the “whys” behind their decision, but dwelling on them
doesn’t change the reality.
If you aren’t right for someone else, That MEANS they aren’t right for you.
Move on and let them go.
And Do not use the experience as proof that you aren’t good enough.
Meeting a person that’s not right for you.. a person that is not a good match is not a
reflection on you…
Period.
Oh and I have a surprise for those of you who made it to the end of this video… two
more $50 amazon gift cards for subscribers who leave a comment suggesting a video topic.
When we get to 100 comments that suggest video topics, I will randomly select two of those
comments and they will each win a $50 gift card through email.
Last thing… maybe your guy cant commit because he has Peter Pan syndrome.. it’s more common
then ever before… chick here to learn more about the peter pan syndrome, or chick here
to watch a video that youtube thinks you will like..
I ll see you in that video