I have always had a fear of dying.
That I would be nothing.
That every semblance of Timea would disappear.
So at 41, while I had a fear of dying,
I certainly didn't think it was going to happen to me then.
It came out of the blue.
A ruptured brain aneurysm.
Only 1 out of 5 survive with no deficits.
And that was me.
I had lots of time while I was lying in the hospital between
the scan and waiting for my first operation.
You're literally hanging between life and death.
That's when you start contemplating your life.
That's when you really start going inwards and going,
Am I ready? Do I have any regrets?
The night before my first surgery
I actually put a public Facebook goodbye
because they weren't sure if the surgery was going to work.
When I saw the outpouring of love on Facebook
to my goodbye message
I realised that I was basically witnessing my own eulogy.
That I was seeing what people would have said about me
at my funeral.
And I was like, wow, you don't get this experience ever.
And I thought, but why not?
Why aren't we telling each other
the impact we've made in each others lives
and how special we are
and all of those beautiful things.
The moment I started telling people how I feel about them
that's when the relationships got much deeper,
much more special, much more vulnerable,
much more open, much more honest.
That's when you can talk about the real stuff.
Not shoes and handbags and cars.
The reason most people don't share how they feel
is fear.
People are so afraid of not being accepted
and not being loved.
But what they don't realise is that actually
the only way you are going to be loved
is if you give love.
It's a two way street, and one of you has to be brave enough
to take that first step.
Community, which is created through connection,
has been lost a lot in this world.
But I think the more we nurture community
the more we create connections, and the happier we become.
Find your tribe, love them hard.
If I had had the aneurysm experience without my tribe
I don't think I would have survived.
I believe that love and support and healing energy
added to the reason why I'm still here today.
It's all about love.
Love makes the world go round.
For me, talking about death isn't a morbid thing at all anymore.
It's become something light.
There is this great quote that says,
'Death isn't as serious as you think.'
And I just love that, because I find
we as humans generally take our lives way too seriously.
And then I'm like, oh wow,
we don't have to take death so seriously either.
It's not as bad as we think.
I'm now OK with whenever I go.
Not that I want it to happen soon,
but I just have this reassurance that it's all going to be OK
whenever that is.
It's given me the courage to face my fears
and to not live in fear, anymore.
When we start living from that place,
that's when magic happens.
Thanks to all of you who helped make this film possible.
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check out our Green Renaissance page on Patreon.