[APPLAUSE]
JIMMY KIMMEL: As you may or may not be aware,
in addition to my work as host of this show,
I am also a TV judge.
My beloved bailiff, Guillermo, and I have been hearing
cases for a long time now.
These are real cases with real litigants in small claims court
who inexplicably chose to let their cases be heard
by none other than Judge James.
NARRATOR: This is the plaintiff, Sherilyn Looney.
She claims the defendant received
eyelash extensions at her salon, only to cancel
the charge on her credit card.
She's suing for $302.50.
This is the defendant, Jill Johnson.
She maintains the plaintiff unknowingly
gave her a much more elaborate eyelash service,
and therefore disputes the charge.
It's the case of, "Lash of the Titans."
GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: Raise your right hand.
NARRATOR: What you are about to witness is real.
The participants are not actors.
They're actual litigants with a case pending in civil court.
Both parties have agreed to drop their claims to have their case
decided here by Judge James.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Hello.
GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: How are you, Judge?
JIMMY KIMMEL: Good, thank you. GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: Good.
JIMMY KIMMEL: How are you? GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: Good.
The litigants have been sweared in, your honor.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Thank you very much, bailiff Guillermo.
GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: Oh, you can sit down.
JIMMY KIMMEL: You can sit down, yeah.
GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: Thank you, Judge.
JIMMY KIMMEL: All right. Let's see here.
Sherilyn Looney?
SHERILYN LOONEY: Yes.
JIMMY KIMMEL: You are suing Jill Johnson for a total of $302.50
because Miss Johnson received eyelash extensions
at your salon, paid for that service,
and then later disputed the charge with your bank.
SHERILYN LOONEY: Correct, your honor.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Miss Johnson, you claim you were unknowingly
given a much more expensive treatment than you expected,
and that's the reason why you disputed the charge, correct?
JILL JOHNSON: Correct. JIMMY KIMMEL: OK.
All right.
Miss Looney, let's start with you.
SHERILYN LOONEY: Your honor, on September 20,
she made an appointment with me for a last bar to get
the most expensive lashes.
JIMMY KIMMEL: May I stop you for one second?
SHERILYN LOONEY: Sure.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Are those dentures on your breasts?
WOMAN: Yes, or eyelashes.
But dentures-- yes.
JIMMY KIMMEL: OK, OK.
Back to the story.
SHERILYN LOONEY: OK.
So she made the most expensive appointment
for the most expensive lashes.
JIMMY KIMMEL: What are those lashes called?
SHERILYN LOONEY: They're called 3D lashes.
JIMMY KIMMEL: 3D lashes? SHERILYN LOONEY: Yes.
JIMMY KIMMEL: OK. Why are they called 3D lashes?
SHERILYN LOONEY: It's an advanced technique by master
lash artists, and it's where they take three light lashes
and make a little fan, and they put them on one lash.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Master lash artists.
SHERILYN LOONEY: Yes.
So a couple of weeks later, I get a letter in the mail from--
I believe it was Chase Bank, disputing the charge.
I called her and she told me she was going to bring
the money in the next Monday.
She never showed up.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Is this story true, what we just heard?
JILL JOHNSON: Well, no.
Not entirely true.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Which parts of it aren't true?
JILL JOHNSON: OK, so I set up the appointment, showed up
35 minutes late, I believe, got in there,
and the lady-- the esthetician explained
to me that because I was late, they couldn't do the 3D lashes.
But she could arrange the time to do the 2D lashes.
JIMMY KIMMEL: OK.
JILL JOHNSON: So I sat down in that bed for three hours.
She worked on my lashes.
I fell asleep, and by the time I woke up,
she showed me her work.
She said, oh, I was able to do 3D lashes on you.
And at that minute, I'm thinking, OK, so I
know that's a different price. One--
SHERILYN LOONEY: It's a difference of $25.
JILL JOHNSON: So I contacted my credit card company,
and I went ahead and canceled my account.
So that's exactly what happened.
JIMMY KIMMEL: So you feel you should
get that service for free?
JILL JOHNSON: I'm not going to lie.
I did feel horrible for canceling the transaction,
and I know they performed and they did their service.
So I did want to go with the intentions of paying them.
But I just didn't go through with it.
I just-- but I was trying to be sympathetic.
I know that the esthetician did great work.
JIMMY KIMMEL: So in your mind, you
felt like you wanted to do the right thing,
but you didn't actually, physically, with your body,
do the right thing?
OK.
I am going to admit, I don't know a tremendous amount
about eyelashes.
But I did want to bring in an expert, my Aunt Chippy, who
has been wearing false eyelashes since she was a baby, probably.
I understand you've done the 3D lashes on Aunt Chippy?
OK.
Release the beast.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: Do you swear
to tell the truth and the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth?
AUNT CHIPPY: You bet your life.
GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: OK.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Aunt Chippy, were you outside, smoking?
AUNT CHIPPY: No.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Have you quit smoking?
AUNT CHIPPY: Almost.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Remember, you're under oath.
AUNT CHIPPY: I said, almost!
JIMMY KIMMEL: Were you a virgin when you got married?
AUNT CHIPPY: Yeah-- what the hell's wrong with you?
JIMMY KIMMEL: You're under oath. This is a courtroom.
AUNT CHIPPY: What are you going on with this [BLEEP]
JIMMY KIMMEL: Lady with you? AUNT CHIPPY: I got one eye done!
JIMMY KIMMEL: Did you ever take money
out of my grandfather's checking account
for the purposes of gambling?
Specifically, video poker.
AUNT CHIPPY: Are you crazy?
JIMMY KIMMEL: You are under oath!
You are out of order!
[APPLAUSE]
(SLOWED DOWN) You are out of order!
NARRATOR: Will Judge James demand restitution
for the esthetician, or will he side with Miss Lash and Dash?
And will Aunt Chippy come clean about her degenerate past?
AUNT CHIPPY: I'm going to hit you with that thing.
I swear to God, I am.
NARRATOR: Judge James' verdict when we return.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Oh, wow.
NARRATOR: This sassy salon owner says she was swindled.
This credit card canceling conniver calls that crap.
And this aggravated aunt is getting agita.
Judge James is about to rule.
Let's listen.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Are you the technician-- the master
lash expert who applied the lashes to this woman's face?
ESTHETICIAN: I was next to the lady that applied--
JIMMY KIMMEL: You were next to the lady.
What has become of that woman?
She is dead?
ESTHETICIAN: No, she couldn't make it.
JIMMY KIMMEL: She couldn't make it.
When I was a baby, Aunt Chippy, did you or did
you not drop me on my head?
AUNT CHIPPY: I think I did, because otherwise, you
would not be damaged as you are today.
I swear to God.
JIMMY KIMMEL: OK.
You know what?
I have to say, usually, I would go in the back
and make a ruling.
But I don't really have to go to the back
to make a ruling in this case.
AUNT CHIPPY: What kind of ruling are you making?
JIMMY KIMMEL: I am ruling in favor of the plaintiff
in the amount of $302.50.
I don't even understand.
I think you may have actually committed a crime of some kind.
So Guillermo, arrest everybody except for these two right
here. GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: OK.
JIMMY KIMMEL: Including Aunt Chippy.
I want her in chains.
AUNT CHIPPY: Good!
I won't have to deal with you, then.
JIMMY KIMMEL: I'll leave it to you.
Don't hit me with it.
GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: Let's go this way.
AUNT CHIPPY: You kicking me out?
GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: Yeah, the case is finished.
AUNT CHIPPY: Your ass. Get out of here.
GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: Come on, let's go.
AUNT CHIPPY: I can get out by myself.
I don't need no help. COUSIN SAL: All right.
Judge James has rendered his verdict.
Let's bring the plaintiff in.
Let's bring everybody in.
This is my Aunt Chippy-- was neither the plaintiff
nor the defendant.
AUNT CHIPPY: I don't know what I was.
COUSIN SAL: Judge James had some very serious
questions to ask you, and I felt like you dodged a lot of them.
AUNT CHIPPY: He's a nincompoop.
He really is.
I mean, he's banging that hammer,
ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom.
COUSIN SAL: Who, Judge James?
AUNT CHIPPY: Yes, Judge James.
COUSIN SAL: You should be a little more respectful.
Let me see the eyelash. Which one was it?
AUNT CHIPPY: This one! You can't see the difference?
Don't-- stop pulling! COUSIN SAL: Pull off, pull off.
Let me watch. AUNT CHIPPY: Sal, cut it out!
I only got one good eye on now.
COUSIN SAL: Come on, just let me see.
AUNT CHIPPY: Get out of here! COUSIN SAL: Everyone, pull on.
AUNT CHIPPY: What's the matter with you?
COUSIN SAL: All right. There you have it--
Aunt Chippy.
What a loud mouth.
AUNT CHIPPY: What a jerk.
COUSIN SAL: Yeah.
Now we're done. Now we're done.
Now we're done.
NARRATOR: On The next Judge James.
MAN: Everything was OK.
We had good relationship.
MOTHER: He offered me a camel for my daughter!
GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: A what?
MOTHER: A camel!
MAN: Ah, now she screamed at me.
Before, I was screaming.
Now, she--
GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ: How old was the camel?
JIMMY KIMMEL: Hey, who's the judge here?
[APPLAUSE]