HEY GUYS
So, my birthday just passed a couple weeks ago, and to me,
that's usually a sign and a reminder that
a bunch of kids just graduated--whether it's college or high school,
and its only a matter of time before we start seeing a bunch of those...
you know, graduation speeches go viral of like...
some celebrity or some successful business person saying something really inspirational to the crowd.
I mean, to be able to inspire a bunch of people with just your words, especially live,
in front of thousands of people and then eventually millions, when--if that video goes viral.
That's--that's the dream.
Some people just have a natural gift with words, unlike people me, I have not much skill.
(Chuckles)
And it's not like I haven't been given the opportunity to do it.
My own high school asked me to speak a bunch of times at their graduation, and
for some reason, other high schools that I didn't even go to wanted me to speak at their's, even some colleges,
which is pretty ironic considering I'm a college dropout.
And I've turned them all down, it's not because I didn't wanna do it or because I hate public speaking, I can force myself to speak in public.
I turn them down because I honestly believe that if I were to give a speech at a graduation ceremony... I would probably ruin it.
Or so I've been told by people that I've shown my rough speeches to.
Most of you guys already know, but I'm pretty realistic and honest and that's not the best qualities to sound inspirational.
Like you know those sports movies, like right at the end of the movie where they have their biggest, toughest opponent
and then the--the coach or like a player stands up and gives some inspirational speech
that just gets everybody pumped up and fired up and ready to go and beat this team.
Yeah, I could do that too, but at least I'll be honest about it.
I personally think that being realistic and honest is more inspiring 'cause you're not being lied to.
If I could tell you guys that we are going to be the best team stepping on that court tonight.
I could tell you guys that we worked way too hard, to be going down like this.
I could tell you guys that it doesn't matter that they're bigger, faster, stronger, more athletic.
That even though the entire city- the entire state- has already counted us out. That we don't need to believe it.
Cause if we play with heart, if we play as a team, if we play like we want it more than they do,
there is no way we can fail!
'Cause we know what it's like to be the one who are passed on.
We know what it's like to be the ones to start at the bottom of the pit and work our ass off to get back to the top.
*Team agrees*
We've been fighting uphill our whole lives, and we're still here.
*Team agrees*
I could tell you all that no one who's never been on the bottom can keep up with people who have and overcame it.
*Team agrees*
But I'm not going to tell you all that.
Cause we all know it's not accurate.
What I can tell you, the truth. That we will be the second best team on that court tonight.
We will play as a team, but so will they.
And they've been playing together longer than us.
And yes of course we all want it , but probably just as much as they do.
Because they want to win too , right?
Because WANTING something does not warrant GETTING.
JOHNSON!
Yes, coach?
When you asked that girl to prom that night, did you want her to come with you?
Uhhh, ya.
And did she?
No.
Exactly.
Callahan?
Yes, coach.
You're the shortest guy on the team, maybe the entire school. Did you want to be four two?
No.
And yet, you still are, aren't you?
Ya.
Mister GOU LEE ZHAO LING!
Yes, coach.
When I picked you up for the game tonight, did you want me to run over your cat?
Wait, what?
I said, when I picked you up for the game tonight, did you want me to run over your cat and throw it's half dead body in the bushes by your house?
But I didn't even-
Answer the question, Mr. Gou Li Zhao Ling!
NO, of course not.
Exactly, see the lesson here is you can want something more than anyone else in the world and you still won't get it.
Because the world does not revolve around all of you, do you understand me?
Yes, coach.
What was that?
Yes, coach.
So what are we going to do tonight?
LOSE
How bad?
VERY!
Cause who are we?
The second best team!
I said who are we?
THE SECOND BEST TEAM!
Out of how many!
TWOOOO!
Let's go, come on!
We went to the state finals that year.
We didn't play but we cheered really good.
Well?
But back to the whole graduation speech thing.
When I would get these graduation speech in careers,
I would start writing a bunch of ideas in my phone.
Like how I would plan for a video, not planned very well.
*laughs*
I was just trying to be completely honest and just be me.
And it turns out that me being me
trying to give advice to a bunch of graduates
is not only not inspirational but borderline "inappropriate",
according to some people.
(mumbles) Not that they would know anything. They haven't given high school graduated speeches...
I'd still think those speeches are decent and not inappropriate at all
In fact, I still have the drafts on my phone
so I could read you guys some of the lines that I had in these speeches
that I was told to take out because they're inappropriate.
You guys will see it. People are just too sensitive these days.
I mean like, seriously, it's a high school graduation, they are not teenagers.
And all jokes aside, these are actual lines that I wrote for these speeches that I was told to take out.
And I still don't see why?
Here we go. Got to get into the whole graduation speech voice.
*clears throat*
Inspirational. Inspiration.
Ten robins, twenty robins, anthony robin, a robin bird, robinhood, batman.
What am I doing?
*Inappropriate Speech Examples*
Do whatever it is you want to do in life.
If you want to be a drug dealer, go be a drug dealer!
People need college as much as they need hair conditioner.
You can do it, you don't need it! You already shampooed.
There are gonna be times that you become so overwhelmed by everything,
that you might even get to the point where you're thinking about killing yourself.
Nobody likes to study unless you're some kind of freak.
It does't matter if you never reach your goals or accomplish any of your dreams...
You are going to fail.
Whether it's a test or a job interview or even a relationship, you will fail!
Life is like playing a video game...
Life is like a Saiyan in a Dragon Ball...
Life is like a box of chocolates...
Some of us have nuts and some of us don't.
Yeah, I can understand why I was recommended to take out some of that stuff.
Not everyone is gonna get the Dragon Ball or video game references.
Let alone the Forrest Gump thing.
I don't see what's wrong with the rest of it.
Ok fine, hearing it back now I can see how out of context it sounds a little inappropriate but it really isn't.
In reality it's not something high schoolers haven't already heard, they have the internet.
I just feel like people these days are so quick to get upset over every little thing and
if they were to just take the time to really listen to what's being said they might find that they're getting mad
and raising an uproar over pretty much nothing.
Something that is not even being said something that's being created in their own head.
And for that exact reason that's why I will never give a high school graduation speech
even though it's one of my life goals and one of my dreams
I'm not willing to censor myself
some of us have nuts and some don't what's wrong with that?
I mean when I was writing those speeches I was just thinking what I would say to my high school self and he
he was fine with everything, ok he didn't have any problems even though he was not the most
inspirational he got it, he appreciated the honesty
and honestly he got all the references because he is me.
That's it.
Me!
I don't need to go to an actual graduation ceremony
I don't need to give some beautifully crafted, well-written, appropriate speech to the class of 2018
I can just give a poorly written, not appropriate, yet honest speech
to the class of 2008 me's!
I mean not like 2008 different me's, I meant like me from 2008
so, I would be speaking to myself as a high school graduate
and you know I'm not gonna waste the time to clone a thousand different me's.
And now please welcome our next speaker, Mr. Ryan Higa.
Now, before I get started, I just wanted to say that I am gonna do my best to keep this clean and appropriate
for all of you while still being honest.
Good evening, class of 2000 and-
Oh, actually, it's still afternoon it's just really cloudy right now so it looks kinda dark
Shut the fu*k up!
*cough* sorry, I'm just *cough*
Good afternoon, class of 2008 me's.
Now, I know because I was all of you 10 years ago, that you don't like long speeches
because of the whole ADHD thing so I will keep this short and straight to the point
Is that the new iPhone?
Yup, 4, not even out yet.
What??
Hey!
Come on! Bunch of freakin' idiots I swear.
Do you really think we're gonna get that fat?
I hope not.
Look I'm just gonna get straight to the point and start this off by asking the simplest question
you can ask a person: what is the meaning of life?
So many people, young and old have a tough time answering that question
but wouldn't you think that should be the first thing that we figure out, the purpose of our lives,
the reason why we're doing everything that we're doing
There's no right or wrong, everyone can have their own answer but to me, the meaning of life is happiness.
I really believe that everything that we do throughout our lives
is because we think it'll either make us happier or less unhappy than if we didn't do it.
Even the things that we don't want to do, like studying for a test all night.
You're not gonna gain happines from studying.
Nobody likes to study... Unless you're some kind of freak!
*croo croo*
You do it because you know you'll eventually lead you to happiness.
just like
everything else that we do
Studying will help you pass a test
and you'll be a lot happier to pass a test than if you fail.
Passing a test will lead to better grades
Better grades leads to better colleges
Better colleges increases your chances of securing a better job...
And-- oh
Sorry, my phone... locked
just quick... just
*types on phone* 696969
Better colleges increases your chances of securing a better job...
And makes more money...
So you're gonna get a nicer car, or nicer house
Or you eat in a fancy restaurants... whatever you wanna do later in life.
Everyone does what they do because they think they're gonna make
their over all life as better ...than if they didn't do it.
The reason why I bring this up
and why I think its so important to understand the meaning of life...
Is because Life is gonna be more and more hectic
when you go off on your own.
There's gonna be so many more things that you can think about
when you never think about as a kid.
And there's gonna be time
when you get so overwhelmed by everything that
You might even get to the point where you want to kill yourself. . .
Hah, I know I have.
'Cus Life is like a box of chocolates...
they can be sweet, they can be bitter
or get a little nutty,
And you no longer have your parents around anymore
to eat those disgusting raspberry ones for you.
You gotta deal with those on your own now.
What else is Life is like a box of chocolates because
the more you get into it, the fatter you get as well.
ohh. that's why,
There's low points in your life
that are going to happen to you
if you wanna grow as a person
Maybe not to the point considering suicide but
just know that if it does get to that point
that it's not happening for no reason
And there still be a benefit from it
Because if you survive and figure your way out of that situation and that mind set,
you have the mental strength to be able to do anything in the future.
And you can't acquire that kind of strength without that kind of strength without going through extreme
It's like a Saiyan in Dragon Ball,
The more you beat up a Saiyan without killing him,
The stronger he gets when he recovers
Yep ! I understand that ! ( Only that ?!? )
It's the first point I've understood so far
I've watched a bunch of those inspirational speeches
Because I had no idea what possible advice I can have for a bunch of graduates
And I want to get an idea what those other speakers are talking about
And a common theme that kept coming up that they were all giving advice
on how to strive for greatness or how to reach your goals or how to become successful , like they are
And it's inspiring because they were telling you how they were just like you when they were younger
and there weren't anybody special and they failed over and over and over
before they found any success.
I agree with that message
that I mentioned earlier you are gonna have low points .
Failure is a part of life
Whether it's a job interview or becoming a parent
or starting a family .
Whatever it is, you're going to fail.
I completely agree with that.
A lot of these speeches were very inspiring, and they are helpful to help you reach what our society defines as "success".
But before we figure out how to reach success in life,
shouldn't we at least try to figure out what success in life is?
We spend so much time thinking about
all these goals and dreams that we've had since we were little kids
and how we're gonna reach that, we
Sometimes we get so distracted that we forget
why we're trying to strive for them in the first place
You can set and go after all the goals you want in life,
but it all leads back to the same thing
The meaning of life,
Happiness
That should be your primary, number one goal and everything else should come after
And I know that sound super-obvious
and cliche and easier-said-than-done at times,
But I personally think that it's very important
to have that in the back of your mind
and keep reminding yourself
that way when you start to stray from it,
you'll recognize it.
You'll be surprised, how many people, including myself
focus so much on how to reach our individual goals,
or what our society defines as "success"
that we don't even realize
that we're not even happy anymore.
And most of the times, that unhappiness is caused by ourselves
It's fixable but we don't even recognize it.
We get so caught up, chasing after these goals
and stress ourselves out so much
to the point that we're miserable.
But yet we just suck it up and we just keep going
Because we think that
once we've finally reached these goals
then all the stress and unhappiness is gonna go away,
and we're just gonna live a happy,
jolly, gay life..
Now, I can tell you from personal experience
That's not how it works.
If you're not happy with your life...
on the journey to your end goal
you're most likely not gonna be happy even after you reach it
It's like playing a video game.
You don't play a video game that you hate
just because you think it's gonna be fun, once you finally beat it
It's almost the exact opposite of that.
The best part of the game is the journey,
The moment you beat it, the fun is over.
But it's exactly that, it's a 'moment' of happiness
And that feeling will fade as soon as the end credits come rolling by,
Then you're bored and it's time for a new game.
My point is don't let society's definition of success, dictate your goals and dreams.
And contrary to most inspirational speeches,
I...personally think that it doesn't matter if you never reach any one of your goals
or accomplish any one of your dreams...
if you're enjoying the journey.
Don't waste your time playing a game that makes you miserable
just because you saw the glorified trailers or because you heard all the hype around it.
If you're not having fun playing it, it's not gonna get any more fun just because you beat it.
There's a lot of other games out there and the night is still young
You guys have the time.
Find the game that's meant for you...and have fun playing it.
That's the whole purpose of playing the game...
That's the whole purpose of this journey
That's the whole purpose...of life.
With that being said, once again,
Congratulations, Class of 2008 me's!
I hope you guys have a wonderful journey.
And 'Happy Afternoon' *proud smile* Thank you.
*clapping at the wonderful speech*
*im crying, wow ryan*
I just have to say...
that speech...
*anticipation*
...was really long
so, it's not afternoon now it's actually evening-
YOU KNOW (bleep) YOU, YOU (bleep) DISRESPECTFUL PIECE OF (bleep)
I HOPE YOU NEVER FIND YOUR GAME! (bleep)
*0_0*
*peace out*
*or not*
Yeah, this is also my way of saying, stop sending me graduation enquiries.
Cuz, clearly i've already mastered that
So why would I do it again?