my bad coma dreams also known as icu psychosis or
coma nightmares hi i'm amanda van der gulik from cleverdoughkids.com
and normally i make videos to help encourage entrepreneurialism
success healthy mindset raising money smart kids today i want to talk
about something very personal that happened to me
i've made a series of videos about my experience with
being in a coma and the crazy things that happened
during the phase from my perspective and from
others and what it's like to be an ards survivor
acute respiratory distress survivor so today i'm going to talk about
my dreams that i had while in a coma and while
drifting out of this icu psychosis back into reality because it had a
profound effect on me and i was watching a video the other day
that claire weinland had done about her time in a coma and it
inspired me to want to create a video for you about
my time in a coma and what my dreams were like she
mentioned how a lot of her dreams were because
of what was happening in the room how things in the external world were
seeping into her mind and changing her dreams and that's
exactly what i experienced so i want to share that with you and see
if you find that interesting as well so you'd like to learn more about what
it's like to be in a coma or entrepreneurship and teaching your
children about money then make sure you click subscribe and hit that
notification bell so that you'll know as soon as my next
video comes out i want to tell you about the nightmares i was having when i was
in a coma i say nightmares because what happened all of the negative
experiences in my life and all of my biggest fears came
together in this crazy horror dream
while i was in a coma i had some nice moments in there as well
and i realized later that they were connected with things that
happened actually externally in my world in the real world
and that then drifted into my dream world it's very interesting how it all
happened so really interesting thing about the
dreams is that it's almost like i just lived a second life
they don't feel like dreams they feel like reality like
experiences i actually had in a separate life you know how when you
wake up the dream is like really vivid and then
it like immediately disappears and you can barely think what
it is anyway more or if you can hang on to a tiny piece of
it there's no way you can hang on to the whole
piece that it doesn't make sense or in your dream something happens
and it's not actually possible in real life so maybe you're flying and then
suddenly you go through a wall well you can't do that
in real life in my psychosis dreams icu psychosis
it was still all very doable it was still all very real and it felt real and
it felt so much slower or rather faster
like i'd been gone a lot longer i was in a coma for three weeks
it felt like three months i honestly thought i had missed
months and months of my life because so much it happened in my dreams
there was no way that could have all happened in just three weeks so
the brain goes really fast when you're sleeping
and crazy fast apparently when you're on a lot of medication
so let's go through my dreams as i go through them
i'm gonna share with you my idea of where they come from
why they were in there and how the outside world
actually connected with the inside so when when you hear people say you know
talk to people in a coma because they can hear you
they can we don't know that we can hear you it's not like oh so as i was talking
to me but what you're saying is going in so we
may not know that you are speaking to me but what you are
saying is going into my psyche and that's
important if you're ever in a situation where you
are with a loved one who's in a coma go ahead and tell them all of your love
and be there to show the support because it matters
it makes a difference my brain decided that the hospital i was in was a
conspiracy and they were out to get my family they
were going to kill everybody who i loved before i went into
the coma i was working for this lovely lady and
we'd had this little argument nothing big
but it meant the end of our work together just because we were on
different terms of something lovely lady no hard feelings at all
in my dream she became the antagonist and she actually owned the hospital as
well as millions of other corporations and
i had to sign a contract with her in order i guess
to work with her or to be in the hospital i'm not clear on why exactly
but i had to sign a contract push to do something
i really didn't want to do i was being forced to do something i didn't want to
do which was create a commercial for her
know why this was so prevalent it's amazing what we put down in our
minds thinking it doesn't matter but at some level it does matter and i
felt imprisoned it was really weird so the the hospital
rooms they had windows everywhere but in my mind the windows were actually
computer screens they were windows but they could be turned on like a
computer screen and throughout the whole hallway because i
could see down the hallway from my i see icu room all these windows turned on
like monitors and they were playing these
commercials and this commercial that i had to make
which i didn't want to make but i had had to make because of the contract that
i'd signed or else she was going to kill people
which i'll get back to in a minute they were playing and we were trying to
i don't know win an award or something for this commercial it was all just
craziness and literally in the real world
my girlfriend watched me staring with absolute paranoia at these windows
it's a computer screen she's like it's not a computer screen it's a window
no it's a computer screen so once in a while i was able to verbalize things
as i was drifting out of the psychosis as they were taking the medication off
i was able to vocalize very little bits but
it's very sporadic like i wasn't able to speak very well or communicate very well
but i was able to have little births of things that just totally confused her
and and me obviously as well so the reason that i had actually signed the
contract originally was because i had planned to buy out all
of the businesses but i didn't know about business on the
side and that's where the paranoia had come in and i got
very unhappy and i started to make a big mess about it in the hospital
yelling at a big big big deal about it and at the time
my ex-husband was there again in my dream not in reality
and his family were there they were making this big deal saying i was this
horrible person for being in these commercials and
i was being yelled at you can't have your kids because you're gonna be this
bad influence i'd made this big rouse so the
whole hospital was hearing it and she got so angry my my
ex-boss was so angry that as the family went out and they had
my kids with them they got in the car she hired her staff
to run after them and and killed them my family was killed my
kids were killed help them this is a hospital help them
and she said i'll give you 10 days i can keep them in a state
where you've got 10 days to revive them and if you don't
get this ridiculous sum of money together
to buy back their lives they're dead i had no money i had nothing because
that was one of the things too before this
the coma we were stressed financially we were going through all kinds of stuff
with all the different changes in our lives and i didn't know where it was
going to get this money so i'm begging so again in my
brain i'm going back to who has money who can i ask for help
so i was reaching out to my internet marketing friends
saying please can i borrow this money i promise to pay it back i have to get
this money i have to revive my kids they're dead
they're gonna be killed and suddenly the money was there
and i could revive my kids and what happened in the real world
i didn't realize this but my my now wife was telling me that her best friend had
put up a gofundme campaign to raise money for us because she was
out of a job when i got into it was bad timing all around so while
she was telling me this in the real life it got into my story in my dream and in
my dream it wasn't them it was internet marketers who had lots
of money to begin with and they had given me a loan that i
would pay them back and i was able to bring back my kids and
just when i thought yes i'm okay then no more bad people
more people were coming to kill other people they were going to kill
them again and i don't know where they were coming from and
everything was crazy and and then i was in this basement but not really
basically like a bottom floor of a maybe a a room that was on a hill so the
bottom had windows but we were underground up here
and i could see my kids running in the field outside
and i saw the bad people coming to get them and i'm like no no
and my son's phone which in reality he doesn't have a phone
but in my dream he had a phone was on the the
cupboard across the room from me from my bed i knew i was in a hospital bed
didn't even question why and i had to get to this phone
but i was held down i was strapped down i was trying to get it and i
finally got it and i fell well this was where reality came in
i did struggle and i was dropped down and i managed to fall out of my bed
and i smacked my head really hard in my dream it was
white light that just shattered through my whole entire being
and in real life it was bad enough that they whipped me down
to get a cat scan because i thought that they that i had done some serious damage
to my brain and in my dream that whole journey i was
first strapped down on the gurney and brought
through all kinds of halls everywhere in the tiniest tube to go through the cat
scan and then i was put aside in a warehouse
like a garage that was on a lake and by water lots of
boats and it was cold and i had to wait for hours
to get to the next plane of all things so the door opens and i'm in a plane and
then it's a postal plane and i'm packed in with
envelopes and packages and being shipped off and now i'm headed down to
the bahamas and there's this lovely nurse who is
braiding my hair because my hair was really long i realize it's long now but
it was much longer and it was a mess and apparently in
reality they would braid you know brush my hair and braid it for me
well in my dream whoever that lovely nurse was who i never got to meet when i
woke up again but whoever she was she came into my
dream and she was my angel and she brushed my hair and she
hugged me and she held me and she told me it was all gonna be okay
everything was gonna be okay and i was for some reason
being taken care of on a gurney in her home in the caribbean
i found out later that she had an accident from that area so it was
probably what triggered that combined with my
recollections of having been in the caribbean
and my desperate need for for help of some sorts for comfort of some sort
um and then i was strapped in and i was taken by helicopter back to the hospital
literally hanging underneath the helicopter
and on the way to the hospital oh yes there is my house but not where my house
actually is but on the edge of town and it's winter and
this huge back truck full of frozen fish has run into my house and
there is fish everywhere and then the dutch side of me
is like oh waste not want not so i'm trying to gather all the fish and
save it all and put in the freezer so that we'll
have fish because we were desperate for funds and money and food
so now we had food and so it's interesting how
all these different things come together oh one more thing that was really
interesting so i traveled hospital to hospital to
hospital they were duplicates every room was
exactly the same and the sink was exactly in the same
spot and above it was a water system thing and it was the corporation
the corporation that owned the hospital owned the water thing and they were
charging people money for it it was part of the
conspiracy but the weird thing is so every hospital i went into the room was
exactly the same hallway was exactly the same
but the area around it would change so in one hospital the hallway was yellow
and it was really quiet and there was nobody there
and it was dark outside and there were trees and there was like this cliff
and then in the next hospital it was busy and bright and i'm guessing this is
like daytime night time that my brain was filtering through
but then there was a forest and then there were bears and wild animals that
were going to kill again kill my family and i had to warn them
not to go because they would be killed by these horrible
animals and clearly i have some issue with losing
people which when it comes to reality that has happened i have lost people
literally been taken out of school and disappeared
and took 23 years to find so and i've had friends who have passed
away in automobile accidents and cancer and all of those losses those unexpected
losses and my inability to deal with them
were coming out in my dreams my mother lost her mother when she was
nine years old and i think that came in there instead of me losing my
mother i was the mother losing my children so it's really
interesting anyway if you've been in a coma yourself
i would love to know your story leave me a comment in the comment below
and tell me about it and if you know anybody who is going through a comedy
themselves give them the love and the support and be
careful of the words that you give them because it will filter in
even if they don't recognize that it's from you it filters
in and this this whole coma series about what it's like to be in a coma what is
like to be an ards survivor which is a lung issue lung disease
is all to support this wonderful woman claire wineland
who unfortunately passed away last year but left a legacy of living a life that
you were proud of behind and her documentary is coming out very
soon i encourage everyone to see it she will give you the inspiration you need
to just live your best life and go after the life of your dreams
to support claire's place foundation which is a foundation that claire
created after she was in a coma and had crazy dreams of her own
i'll put a link to her video of how her dreams manifested for her during her
coma and at 13 years old she woke up from a
coma with a desire to change the world and
give support to families living with cystic fibrosis so
head on over to my playlist don't forget to subscribe and click that notification
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next video comes out