- [Matt] I mean, look at the progress we've made so far.
I would call this transformative.
- [Sam] I’m Lady Gouda.
Now, let’s dance.
♫ Cheese, there’s cameras flashin’ ♫
♫ Can’t get enough of my dirty passion ♫
♫ Oh, please, don’t be rude to me ♫
(Zach laughing)
(music continuing as guys laugh)
- [Keith] He made a whole track!
♫ Cheese, baby celebrate ♫
- Watch out for that lightbulb.
I know.
- How much work went into this?
- Oh, it’s still going.
- It’s still going.
- Yeah, I was a little nice last time.
But now, I’m naughty.
- Can you do the same explanation but as creepy as possible?
You’re gonna put the chips into the numbers.
That’s gonna allow you-
Don’t touch the board.
- Sorry.
That’s gonna allow you a certain amount of winning to happen.
- This is not my favorite Miles character.
And, now, what’s your name for today?
Clam.
- Hey, Clam.
Love you, Clam. Thank you, Clam.
- Cleanup Crew!
- [YB] Thank you Dumpster Dudes!
Cleanup Crew!
- Take a look!
(guys laughing)
- Yes!
- Well, we already drew this!
- You look good, guys.
- [Eugene] I’m gonna keep this gay train rolling.
I’m gonna say Nick again.
It’s Elton John!
I don’t know!
I’m hoping it for us.
- It made sense, but I didn’t wanna double-dip on that logic.
Gays love a double dip.
- [Miles] Nick…
Was it you?
(all cheering)
- [Sam] So if I had a drag name,
which I have actually contemplated before,
The one that I’ve used to do
like, skits, and like online performance stuff
has been Beans.
- What’s up!
My name is Miles Bonsignore,
I’m 14 years old,
and I’m here to promote vanilla.
- He’s so f*cking stupid.
You’re able to pop it into
all types of groceries.
Soups, salads, breadsticks.
- The difference between a cappuccino and a latte
[Keith] Oh, my god. You’re gonna…
Everyone’s gonna hate you after this video.
Everyone…hey look! Kissy, kissy!
(kissy noises)
- That’s right, Ned’s over here tonight.
Yellow ass, Curious George ass lookin motherf*cker.
(all laughing)
- You guys, Eugene loves graphic tees.
Put it on, Eugene!
C’mon, put it on!
Don’t you wanna see him in the shirt, gang?
(all cheering) Yeah!
Boss! Boss! Boss!
(all changing) Boss!
- Welcome to the burn zone, b*tch.
It’s time to get nasty.
- Zach’s c*ck so big
it makes mine look like a string bean.
We’ll bleep it! We’ll bleep it!
- Keith does love his chicken, but he does not like hot hot chicken.
- No.
- He has an astrological tongue.
Is that what it’s called?
I think it’s geographic.
(Alex and YB laughing)
- Mmm.
[YB] Astrological?
His tongue is a pisces.
- But Ned, he’s on daddy duty,
so we’ve got Jonathan joining us.
Ugh, wow, let’s cut to some slow-mo footage of Jonathan.
(sexy saxophone music)
(whispering sexily) Jonathan.
- [Keith] I said he could just take my place,
but no one went for that idea.
- [Jonathan] I don’t have a wife, I don’t have a baby,
but I do love bad ideas!
So, I’m gonna try to bring some of that Ned energy to the video today.
- [Eugene] Jonathan, if you can’t remember, is my new stepdad.
You know, my mom jumped on that real quick.
She was like “I remember Jonathan” in the dating video with the f*ck, marry, kill.
So, uh, I’m excited to hang glide
with my new stepdad Jonathan!
Now, coming to the stage,
Will Witwer!
(sighs) How’s everybody doing?
- We’re good.
I am not prepared, particularly.
Umm, I
I have a couple of jokes I don’t think are very good.
To start off,
Zach, to do this bit, I need you to ask me a question.
Okay?
- Uh, wh-
The question is: - Oh, okay.
The question is:
“What’s the key to comedy?”
- Will.
What’s the key to comedy?
Delivery!
- [Eugene] Will, do you have any reassuring words for the public?
Do you have any reassuring words for the people?
Um, the U.S. is probably gonna be the worst
of any developed country in the world.
Like in two weeks, the death rate’s gonna be like many people will die.
So that’s what I’m thinking about.
Ha! Ha! Reassuring words from Will Witwer!
You know, I’m worried it’ll go longer than 2 or 3 weeks
But…
- Sure, sure, sure.
Uh, for the foreseeable future
Like, I think the United States is gonna have one of the worst outbreaks
because of how poorly…
You know, if you read about Italy right now,
they’re having to choose who lives or dies,
and that’s gonna happen in the United States ‘cause we’re not…
Are you okay?
What?
You need everything from Subway?
Oh, god, Keith!
Why do you keep doing this to yourself?
I’ll be there soon.
Let’s go.
But in all seriousness,
I’ve been stealing from the company for years.
(laughing)
- I just wanna make sure that I made my stepson proud.
(Eugene gasps)
Daddy!
And, Mom, since you did so well today,
I have a special surprise for you.
- What is it?
It’s Jonathan!
- Oh, Jonathan! I saw him!
Do you wanna touch his hair?
- I’ll touch his hair.
Wow, so cute!
(all laughing)
- Miles, what kind of food daddy are you?
Every baby needs a bro.
And I’m the food brother here to enjoy my chicken in peace.
- You’re kinda the creepy food daddy.
(Alex and YB laughing)
- [YB] The creepy uncle!
- The creepy uncle.
Hey, babies! How we doin’ down here?
I don’t do well. I think Hot Cheetos are really hot.
- Oh, jeez.
But I enjoy ‘em! I like spice, but I can’t handle it.
What is she…what is she doing here?
- You’re Lady Keith! You’re Lady Keith!
I just wanna be included!
- “I just wanna be included”?
- How’s my lipstick?
Uh, pretty good.
So the trick is you, like, do it,
and then you go
to make sure it’s not in your, you know,
gives you a nice clean break.
I dunno why you’re asking me this.
- Why am I the one being goth?
Why can’t you be goth again?
Because I’m too notable.
- Okay.
Finish this sentence:
when I was a young man,
my father took me to the city…
- To see the marching band.
You’re ready.
- [Alex] It’s like an epidural for your mouth.
You don’t know that!
(all laughing)
- Although, I’m feeling a little tingle
in my…under…um, tongue.
- [YB] You are?
I was like, under where?
- Oh, my god.
How much?
- Holy shit!
[Keith] Let me see it.
- It’s fucking huge!
(all laughing)
That’s so huge!
- Can you show it to camera?
- It looks like a spider!
Do you wanna hold it?
- Bring it closer to camera, but you also have drool all over you.
I’m try- I’m sal-
I’m just so shocked.
- Hold it up closer to your face and up.
- Oh, my god!
I’m disgusting!
That is so gross!
Well, the Try Guys, I don’t think could come through in this video,
but, uh, me and Miles could.
Giant ass ear globs!
You know, glad that my freakish ears are good for something.
Jesus Christ.
Ugh, my god, I gotta go.
I gotta get outta here.
(all laughing)
- I need to put my hair up!
Want me to put your hair up?
Holy shit, that’s so spicy!
Do I look like a Samurai?
You look like The Last Samurai
with Tom Cruise!
- A little bonus things we’re gonna tell them:
um, that I’m insecure about my hairline
so to make it look really nice and full.
(Rachel laughing) No! No!
- Give it a little extra spinach on top.
This is too much!
So we’re gonna tell them all the same time tomorrow.
- You can’t add another factor!
Well, there are three factors!
- Can somebody zip me?
Would you be a dear?
- [Eugene] Also, congratulations!
Oh, yeah.
She pregnant.
I’m making some Try Babies.
Wes needs friends! - We don’t just hire people.
- We don’t just hire people.
We make ‘em.
We should clarify. None of us were involved in the making of Rachel’s child.
But they will work for us.
- [Sam] I’m talking to you on my sub phone.
Crazy, right?
I tried to tell Keith earlier
I was like, “why are you doing this, man?”
Maybe you could talk some sense into him.
The people love it, you’re right.
The people love it.
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