welcome back you're just in time for
coffee time with your host the X Google
X Facebook tech lead and introvert
because today I wanted to tell you the
truth about introverts and as an
ex-googler X Facebook of
multi-millionaire I've just been caught
an introvert my entire life as if it's
something to feel ashamed about maybe
because we haven't seen too many role
models who are introverts and you know
it's funny that ever since my ex-wife
left me a few months ago I've just been
really enjoying my time alone I've been
traveling alone hiking alone going out
to restaurants alone hanging out with my
dog alone and I've just been getting so
much work done catching up with all of
the loose ends in my life that I fear
I'm starting to enjoy my free time a
little bit too much and it's not like
I'm going out partying and clubbing in
the evenings I just sit here actually
all day 24/7 pretty much I don't really
go out because if I do people are going
to recognize me it's a lot like living
in an embassy voluntarily quick puffs
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would assume that I'm shy timid Asian
but imagine the look on their faces now
when they see one arrogant prick I've
become the fact that part of me believes
that introverts don't even exist likely
in about a hundred years new research
will confirm that there is no such thing
as extrovert or introvert rather we just
have a culture of obnoxious loud people
who refuse acknowledge their own
character flaws and then the so called
introverts like myself simply don't want
to waste our breath talking to people
who can't seem to think or self-reflect
deeply enough it's really emotionally
draining to talk to somebody who make
snap judgments without thoughtful
consideration who uses volume of voice
to win discussions and who can't seem to
listen in a society that appears to
award that type of behavior in fact if
you were to compare the people from a
hundred years ago in the 1900s with
people today you might find that most of
us today would be considered introverts
we spend most of our times in front of
our screens
studying things there's just so much
more we need to learn these days
compared to
in the past who are just farmers or
bricklayers and manufacturers it may
just be that introverts are slightly
ahead of their times or just busier more
productive people if you've ever
traveled at all internationally you'll
notice the stark differences between
cultures in America we don't seem to
reward the act of listening we never say
hey it's a great job that this presence
is able to listen we say it's a great
job this person's able to speak out in
class
the act of mutual respect taking turns
talking we just don't appreciate that
and then we just label that as
introversion masking any further
discussion on this calling someone
introverted is a lot like labeling
someone you disagree with as crazy and
not taking it any further than that in
reality I don't think that we're so
different after all it said that
introverts get the energize when they
interact with people but let's face it
if you were to take an introvert and
surround them with the top three people
that they would like to meet in the
world myself included
then they would probably be extremely
excited and energized about this meeting
in which maybe they can have a private
dinner conversation with these people
that they really look up to or would
like to meet having grown up myself with
a lot of friends who may have been
labeled as introvert I think they're
just normal people who appreciate human
company
it's just that they may prefer hanging
out with people who are board game
enthusiasts hobbyist programmers or book
readers they may simply not enjoy your
style of communication or the activities
that you do if you're an extrovert and
rather than simply labeling these people
as something different than yourself it
may actually help to try to understand
that and widen your ability to
appreciate other more diverse interests
such that you can learn to hang out with
these people in a way that they
appreciate now of course there may exist
people who are likely truly introverted
like Hermits actually who really don't
appreciate human company who are kind of
crazy in that sense myself included but
in today's society where we're labeling
25 to 40 percent of our population has
introverted I just don't think that's
the case I think that most people
labeled as introverts
may just be people raised in a different
type of culture or society that respects
listening not interrupting and other
people and not wasting precious time on
gossip or fluff talk personally for me a
better word to characterize myself is a
busy person I've just always had a lot
of side projects and other activities
and interests
be consumed with and I remember even
when I was dating my ex-wife we would
meet up on the weekends and then I would
have Monday to Friday out to myself and
to me that was the perfect balance but
after a while there was a time where we
both quit our jobs moved in together and
so we were in the same room 24 hours a
day 7 days a week and I remember
thinking that was just way too much time
to be with another person even if I like
the other person and I would tell her I
needed some time alone
just I can get some of my other work
done research things on the internet get
my thoughts organized sort of decompress
and chew on ideas I have been
considering and so I would organize
times where we would just go to a cafe
and not really talk too much and just
sit there with our laptops and just
think about things and organize
ourselves she never seemed to quite get
that lifestyle but I need the time to
think self reflect self correct and
really feel that abundance of
preparedness it's a lot like before
taking a trip you just want a bunch of
time to yourself such that you can get
everything sorted you have your plan in
your mind about exactly what that trip
is going to look like what you're gonna
do any loose ends have been taking care
of that type of feeling is how I like to
begin my days and this may happen to
other people as well for example if
you're raising the family that values
books you start talking with other
people you find nobody really enjoys
reading books and they just want to talk
about reality TV shows Netflix and
sports also our society tends to reward
people who can just talk on and on and
on
kind of like myself but I remember once
I was over at a Google leadership event
and it was supposed to be a team event
with 30 people and we were giving
feedback about the activities and
there's always this one guy who would
just dominate every conversation he
would just talk for like ten minutes and
use up all the time and keep going on
and on and none of his ideas were well
fleshed out and I was just surprised
that nobody stepped in to stop this guy
and there may also just simply be people
who have a stronger work ethic who don't
have so much time to waste talking to
each other hanging out over a coffee or
beer and just burning hours every
evening on chit chat sure it's good to
talk to people and that's a very
productive use of time but after a while
it's just self congratulatory or
commiserating with each other and then
you just need to start taking action at
some point and I have this theory that
even though introverts are considered
timid or shy perhaps they're actually
the ones who are quite secure and
tripled with themselves and it may be
the extroverts who are afraid to be left
alone in their own emptiness I remember
back in school I didn't talk much partly
because I thought the teacher was an
idiot or a dictator tyrannical in their
ways and that just became disinterested
and didn't feel like participating
anymore I wasn't motivated there was no
incentive to do that it's not like I
could monetize my sharing of opinions or
get sponsorships like I can now in
plenty of classroom discussions I'm sure
that students have already solved the
problem of world peace and yet that
discussion never goes anywhere at the
end of the day it's a simple classroom
exercise and for me it's hard to get
motivated about that a few times I
remember I would explode that my teacher
and tell them how idiotic they were or
how stupid their ways of teaching were
and then they would have a little chat
with me afterwards I don't think these
are things that a timid or shy person
would do rather there are things that I
maybe feel like I couldn't talk about
that was unacceptable and that I just
didn't want to cause any more trouble
I had nothing positive to add to that
discussion as a self-proclaimed
introvert sometimes I would engage in
discussions with other people and you
know sometimes I wonder what if we were
to play a game were for every word you
say I get to say a word as well such
that we're not talking over each other
we're not dominating one another but
you'll find I think that in many
discussions there may just be one person
who's talking 90% of the time and they
fail to realize how much disrespect
they're causing the other person it may
take the other person some time even a
minute or two to really formulate their
thoughts and really come up with the
opinions that they want to share but
that doesn't mean that you can just
interrupt them or speak over them or
take their time that was supposed to be
allocated to them I would encourage you
once you've said your bit to just wait
and pause and see what the other person
has to say and not to just assume that
they have nothing more to share do you
think that these people don't have
opinions that they're neutral that they
don't care
most people quiet or loud do have
opinions
I've lived much of my life alone and I
remember there was a time I'd be in New
York City by myself and I would take
these long walks from uptown Central
Park all the way down to Wall Street in
downtown and it was just the most
calming walk because it would give me
time to sort my thoughts organize my
ideas and I will bring a pen and
and by the end of my walk I would always
have a huge list of things I either
wanted to look up more explore or just
take action on imagine if I never took
those walks all of those thoughts would
just be left to jumbled in my head and
would just be going around in my life
not really understanding or
comprehending what I'm doing for me I
just feel like I'm a normal person
mostly surrounded by loud annoying
people who can't seem to acknowledge
that fact and then need to go label
everybody else if we can learn to really
value each other have that mutual
respect and to listen then we can truly
bring out the best in each other
now before I wrap up I just want to
address people who are going to say that
I'm not a psychologist that I'm wrong
about these things that there are
studies that prove this or that and I
just have one thing to say to you in
today's age it can be hard to find the
time to sit down and learn more with
social media being so addictive and
time-consuming you may think you don't
have time to read a book or develop
yourself there's an app I highly
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in 15 minutes while driving in my car or
before I go to bed I've listened to
quiet power a book about introversion by
Susan Kent I would highly recommend the
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so check them out link in the
description below you can either go
believe these research studies or you
can choose to believe me right the tech
leap
it's your choice me or them who are you
gonna believe and you know you can lead
a horse to water but you can't make a
drink so they'll go for me let me know
your experiences with extroverts and
introverts we'd love to hear if you
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thanks