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Your grandmother said that you and your mother
get into bed and whisper together about her.
Is that true?
Me and my mom, we do.
We have conversations and things.
But she assumes that if we together, oh, we've
got to be talking about her.
Who you think you are that you think that you're the topic
of conversation of everything?
Maybe because she's lonely.
But that's not my problem.
I didn't do anything wrong to cause that feeling.
IYANLA VANZENT: No?
KAI MORAE: I think my grandmother,
she feels like the things that she endured
during her life, which were her choices,
she feels that we should pay for.
We should-- you should be grateful.
She lives in the past quite a lot.
IYANLA VANZENT: See your grandmother's very consistent.
She's consistently angry, consistently bitter,
consistently suffering.
And no one has made a move to end her suffering.
Why is it up to me to to heal her?
Isn't that something that she needs to do for herself?
It's not your duty.
It is your privilege.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
How you doing?
Ooo.
I've spent a lot of time with all three of you today.
And as I have spoken to each one of you, who've identified what
is wrong or what you think is wrong
or how you experience what's going on, each one of you
has your own perspective and don't
seem to be open to the other person's perspective.
And for the life of me, I have no idea why you're here.
[LAUGHS]
I mean, I know why you say you're here.
But y'all have accommodated this for so long,
I guess what I don't understand is
why it's become a problem now.
I think that as I get older, I get more sensitive.
My feelings hurt real bad.
They can-- the least little things they do,
it hurts me and go right to my heart.
I think that's happening more with me.
And do you think, as they watch you get older,
that the things you say to them don't
go straight to their heart?
No.
IYANLA VANZENT: OK.
Not with Kai.
So that's the problem.
A, none of you can hear each other.
B, all of you are BRATs, Being Right All the Time.
All three of you are BRATs.
You're a BRAT, LisaRaye.
[LAUGHS] Kai, and you too, Queen Mother.
Well, I may be behaving that way.
But I don't think so.
I know I got to be wrong someday.
But you don't-- sure don't act like it.
[LAUGHS] I think that it's time for y'all to just share
your hearts, so we can clear away some of this hardness,
and you can get a new way forward.
I've been fighting it for years--
fighting the past, sometimes the present, but really the past,
because I don't want it.
I really don't want to be in the past.
But like I said earlier--
Two ways to get rid of it-- truth and forgiveness.
Well, I can't forgive what--
he's gone And--
But to you, you're making it about him.
He's gone.
You're here.
And I can forgive myself.
IYANLA VANZENT: How about that?
How about that?
I don't know how to do that.
IYANLA VANZENT: Yeah.
And the other thing is you've been so stuck there for so
long, it means that you really going
to have to be able to put it all on the table and thug it out.
Let's just go there.
And I promise you I won't leave you,
and I'll help you clean it up.
Cause I need to really see what it looks
like when you all are in it.
OK?
You don't have to go home, but you've got to get out.
Get on out of here.
[LAUGHS] OK?
See you in the.
Morning
OK.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Dr. Din.
DINORAH NIEVES: Good morning.
How are you?
IYANLA VANZENT: Oh, good.
Long day yesterday. DINORAH NIEVES: Yeah.
Yeah, long day.
What was your impression?
You know, there's a lot of patterns
that were so clear to us.
IYANLA VANZENT: Yeah.
Right?
That I can't imagine they even notice.
Yeah.
Well, they're stuck on the story to the degree
that it's become a habit.
And when our story becomes a habit,
it's very difficult to think beyond that.
The challenge is lack of ownership.
I think at this point, they're so committed to the fight,
like so many people are so committed to the struggle--
We saw it with Katie.
You don't know who you are without it.
- Yes. - Right?
Who would I be if I let go of this?
Yeah.
Well, I think the-- the key for all of them is to-- the anger.
DINORAH NIEVES: Yeah.
Because that's the piece they can control.
Mhm.
IYANLA VANZENT: They can control being angry.
They can control not speaking to each other.
They can control that.
So that's why I said, let me just let them go ahead
and have the full out throw down.
Mhm.
And-- and--
and get it out. - With no fear of repercussion.
Right.
Because that's a big deal with them.
Right?
They hold each other hostage to the--
the perceived repercussions.
Right?
What's going to come?
How is this person going to respond, react, behave?
Here's what I'm going to hold on to.
And that is they're here.
Yeah, absolutely.
So there's a healthy muscle functioning--
DINORAH NIEVES: Yeah. - --somewhere.
I hope we find it today.
And they're more willing than they present.
So we're just going to have to let them have the throwdown.
DINORAH NIEVES: Mhm.
Get it over with, and then see if there
is a healthy enough muscle that will allow them to step
into these roles and archetypes as queen mother,
queen, and princess.
Because that'll give them a new procedural operation.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a whole new paradigm for them.
IYANLA VANZENT: A paradigm.
It's a whole new paradigm for them.
Let us do this.
DINORAH NIEVES: OK.
Let us do this throwdown.
I'm a stay out the way, so I don't get hit with nothing.
DINORAH NIEVES: Yeah, no, I think--
I believe in them.
The question is, can they believe
in themselves and one another? IYANLA VANZENT: They're here.
DINORAH NIEVES: Yeah. IYANLA VANZENT: They're here.
DINORAH NIEVES: Yeah.
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